To be surprised by the amount of people on here who have no family and no friends to rely on

[fossilgap]

It always strikes me as odd that a couple only have each other and nobody else to call on , and this has been the same for years on here, it’s not a new thing.
Of course with the family, this could be by choice, but surely everybody has a mate or two left unless you live in total isolation

I definitely do, and am actively trying to make friends. I am a bit too old to be trying for children though.

Some people have circumstances that make having friends difficult. I emigrated to the UK for work, and then married my husband, so the friends I had in the USA I don't see very often at all. DH is an only child, I have one younger brother who lives in the States, a couple cousins I am sporadically in touch with, my husband has an aunt about our age as she was younger than his uncle. All of our parents have passed away. I have a couple friends locally, a few work colleagues down south I keep in touch with, but that's it. I am retired as well. I think sometimes if you don't have kids and get older and retire, your friendship circles shrink

I’m not surprised in the least. I have a few friends but we’re not overly into each others lives, twice a year at best. I’ve my husband, a DC who lives miles away and another DC with additional needs.

I-work from home full time so get to know zilch through that. I’m friendly, kind, reliable, gsoh but I’ve hardly any connections apart from online.If I didn’t talk with my mum, I’d not see hardly anyone else.

Until this year I believed I had people who cared about me and who I could call on in an emergency but now I've realised I don't. I have nobody except my partner and he has no-one apart from me.

I'm glad you are doing something about it if that's what you want. It's so easy to get stuck in a funk and not see the little changes that could get us moving again.

Take care

DH and I are like this. We have acquaintances but no real friends and no one we'd ask in an emergency. Family all live abroad. We have 2 young dc and spend most of our time as a family unit (we go out a lot, but don't tend to socialise with other people). I don't feel any need to have friends as I'm happy spending time with my family or on my own.

We haven't found it problematic tbh. We're healthy and have never needed to go to hospital outside of a few planned procedures, and have never been in a situation where we needed anyone to look after the dc. I'm a sahm and DH's work is flexible, and we have used paid childcare when we need it. There have never been any times when we'd need someone else to collect the dc in an emergency - the after school care would be able to take care of them if I was delayed (they always have availability). But I'm a sahm and if I travel outside of the area, I make sure I'm nearby within an hour of pickup time, so it's not like I might get stuck in traffic on a long commute.

Because not everyone is that lucky. I am a single parent & have been since before DD was born. Small family anyway who live at the opposite end of the country (but who would be no help even if they lived next door). Being a totally lone parent with no one to give me a break led to the breakdown of several friendships because I could no longer do things I had previously. Slowly but surely the people around me moved on while I had no choice to join them because you know - there's a small person who needs me more. I now work and parent - that's it. No options to go out without DD, families want to spend weekends together & I don't know any other single parents. So it's the way it is. I broke my ankle a couple of years ago and cried when I was told I didn't need surgery because the person I had to contact to look after my daughter made it very clear it was only for a few hours.

I'm a pretty boringly normal person who is nice, friendly, has many acquaintances and some friends - but no village. If you're surprised people are so alone count yourselves lucky.

I was about to say the same. My DD is the only one in her class at wraparound care. Plus depending where you are not everyone locally goes to the same schools - we have 6 locally and opted for the one who had wraparound care (not all do) so we are also a bit of a distance away than others at the school. There's no organised WhatsApp group either. I chat to a few parents when I see them but not on first name basis or have their numbers. Plus DD would never go with someone she'd only know by sight - she would freak out completely!

How old are you @fossilgap I am guessing still quite young? And single?

Amirite?

Pretty much the same here.

I had friends from my teenage years ( some i still see regularly). Moved an hour away then met friends at work in a job I started in 1997.

Split up with partner at the time and moved to another town. Got a job here and went out occasionally with workmates. Got to meet loads of people through socialising in the town including DS dad.
.
Been here for nearly 25 years . Still made new friends in last couple of years also. As well as not losing most of old ones.

Only place I didn't make friends was school/toddler group mums. Although tbh I'm now friends with someone whose daughter went to school with my DD but met her 7 years ago and DD is nearly 30

My parents have passed away, hubbies m has passed away, his dad is 77.
His mums side of the family are completely toxic!
I've a brother witha wife and friends with husbands but they've kids of their own.
So no. We don't have anyone either! It happens.

I think a lot of people have family but the family are not in a position to help out even on an equal favour basis.

My brother is in New Zealand, I'm in the U.K.. my dad died to cancer a few years ago and my mother has dementia. I have two children. So I have family but the ones who are geographically close I'm supporting them!

I know lots of people in my situation - looking after elderly parents and teen or slightly older children.

I have friends and I do spend time with them. I've gone to a lot of effort to build a friend network though because family can't help,

I'm sorry this happened to you. I can completely see how it has. It's probably going to be my future too x

My entire family died, aside from my uncle who is about to move to a different country so I can understand how married/couples end up being a duo.

I wouldn’t say it’s odd. I had a baby over lockdown (sort of) so couldn’t make friends through baby group, work from home so hard to form bonds. One parent suffering health conditions on my side (other deceased) and DH’s parents live far away and don’t really want anything to do with us. Everyone has different circumstances but it’s not an odd thing in my opinion.

I have a huge family but literally no one local in an emergency. My friends all have their own kids/stuff to deal with.
I never imagined it being like this before I had children, always thought my family would be there for me. (Esp my own mum)

Nothing unusual or “odd” about it at all, as the responses here clearly demonstrate. It’s pretty likely it’s more the standard situation for many, as opposed to having people to rely on.

Many people have no real support network. It is very tough for some families, they don't have family support, they don't have the spare time or money to socialise and if you are working a lot there is no chance to actually meet people.

If you have support, you are fortunate.

Think it is unfair to dismiss the life situation of other people @fossilgap

Yes when I say I have no family it is like people don't believe me. Only child and parents deceased. Not my fault lol.

We have family and friends. But none within 2 hours of us!

My husband has friends at his work but he doesn't really socialise with them.

I'll go back to work next year and my little boy will go to school so our world will open up a bit then I expect.

Never not had any friends nearby before so it is a bit odd but I like my own company so I'm OK with it!

Apart from my ds that is.

I am but equally, a couple of friends for examples: one has GPs on one side are too old for childcare. The other remaining GP lives a couple of hours away. She now has a close network of friends but her network has been made through having children and over time, so while she wouldn't hesitate to ask me now they're in their teens if she needed something, when they were, say, under 5 she wouldn't have had anyone.

Another has one set of GPs who do have her DC once a week but they have had health issues and are also getting older. I don't see her often as she lives 30 mins away and work/family life makes it tricky so while I would absolutely help her if she asked, her DS is very young and doesn't know me. She also moved here when pregnant so v few local friends.

I don't think that having no one to ask means you have no friends, but rather that in many circumstances it might mean you can't call your work BFF for emergency babysitting your 3yo because they've never met them!

I have lots of friends from pre-kids most of whom live at least an hour away as people moved away after uni. I still see them a few times a year and they are a good moral support (and sometimes practical too although not for school runs!)

I also have lots of local mum friends although mostly their kids are not at the same school. So I do have people I can ask in an emergency, and have asked, and also helped others.

Family live too far for regular help although they will help at times.

It takes time and effort to maintain friendships which can no doubt be very difficult if you have time and money pressure or a disabled child. And if course lots of people simply don't want to socialise. I think modern life makes it easy to avoid people if you prefer. Perhaps in previous times it would have been impossible to avoid your neighbours with the knock on effect of more of a support network but more annoyances in other ways!

Yes, isn't it part of being an adult that you build networks? I'm quite introverted and don't make close friends easily, but when DC were young I always made a point of offering favours to other mums, so that I had a few in the bank and could comfortably ask if I needed help.

I needed less support in other ways when DH was alive, but since he died, I've been doing the same with people who might offer (or need) a lift or other errands/small jobs doing.