To be surprised by the amount of people on here who have no family and no friends to rely on

[fossilgap]

It always strikes me as odd that a couple only have each other and nobody else to call on , and this has been the same for years on here, it’s not a new thing.
Of course with the family, this could be by choice, but surely everybody has a mate or two left unless you live in total isolation

Thanks for the vitriolic response. Hope you feel better about your amazing social life and vast friendship network! 😘

I'm not surprised. I was considering the other day how the whole world is now geared to being able to do (almost) everything without leaving your home. Telly, food shopping, even alcohol. Socialising seems to have been skipped. And our kids are being raised to accept that too.

I'm a community focussed person, we go to church, the gym/classes, the local market, actually go to the supermarket, have dinner out.

It would be very easy not to, to just stay in and order everything but I realise how bad that is for me!

Can I ask at what age you had children and what support network you have in place that allows you 2 hours every week to cultivat your new friendships?

The only family I have is 19 year old ds.

I work from home and have several online friends but almost none locally.

I do have friends who live elsewhere that I have known for years.

It does not bother me so not sure why other people would find it odd.

Sorry I sound sanctimonious, it wasn't my intention! I just wish people would interact and socialise more.

Thank you I am doing much better and feel more myself every day.

I was very hurt by it and as a result have decided I no longer want to maintain the 15 year friendship. I’m not sure she’s even noticed which speaks volumes in itself.

I do think a lot of peoples friendships just maybe haven’t been tested yet which is why think still believe they have lots of people who would help them out. Sadly.

I think people are becoming more detached as time goes on yes, especially after Covid. Everyone became their own little island nations of two or three. Social lives are moving more and more online. You get scoffed at more and more for saying "it takes a village", "no one owes anyone anything!" is crowed on here all the time, people are getting more and more self serving (not necessarily a bad thing, no one has much to give so they give all they've got to their own). People have less time, less energy, less money, are spread too thin to maintain the kind of relationships where you feel you could reach out for help.

I've had friends be absolutely horrified that when I was growing up it was a completely regular occurrence to come down to the kitchen and there be three random children among my brothers and sisters. "Who's this?" "Oh your cousin Anne's neighbour's kids, she had the dentist so Maggie from the shop told her to drop them here". Helping others in the community was just the norm. It doesn't seem to be anymore. Maybe I was just lucky.

I had plenty of family and friends. Then they all died.

I slowly lost them 1-2 a year until last year there was only my dad and my OH left. I lost them just a few weeks apart earlier this year and now I'm alone.

I haven't seen anyone face to face in 3 weeks. I'm disabled so struggle to get out alone so I don't know how to meet anyone new either.

All it takes is some bad luck and your happy social life is gone down the drain before you know it. Be glad you have what you have - I know I took it for granted while it was there.

Some of us prefer a quiet life

I find it surprising when, for example, someone has literally no one they could ask to walk their child to school as a one off favour. It makes sense to make the acquaintance of a few of your children's friends' parents who live locally. Proper friends is a bit different as it requires more effort and lack of family may not be a choice.

This would be me too. I come from a very small family. Grandparents live 200 miles away. My parents and siblings are all disabled. I can't ask anything from them. My husband mum died and his step day also father are selfish people. They wouldn't do any favours at all. My children are teens now and I marvel at how we got through it, without any support or help from family. But we still remember this when people are needing help from us. I'm not doing anything for any of them, except my father. They can go into nice homes.

I don't think it's odd. Not everyone has supportive families. When you factor in disability (parents or kids), moving areas, single parenthood, wfh or unemployment, its not difficult to see how many people can end up without anyone they can call on. Making friends isn't easy and i've found that many people simply don't have the time or inclination to get to know others on a deeper level. Loneliness is an epidemic now.

Haha yes ,definitely think that the the boundaries get in the way 🤣! I had never heard that word used apart from land boundaries until I joined MN 🙄

As you get old, they start to die off. I am on my own. I do have a couple of friends and one cousin left but they are even older than me :-).

It doesn't bother me at all, I am content. I have one child who is marvellous but works abroad a lot - coming home tomorrow; tries to organise me when at home but I am fine alone.

It depends what sort of help you need. I have friends from school, uni, previous workplaces, met doing hobbies, travelling etc. I have extended family, but parents are dead, and my sister doesn't really speak to me. Work is an hour away, some colleagues even further.

I have people I could probably ask for help if I was in dire financial need (I'm not currently.) I have people I can stay with all round the country and world.

I don't really have anyone locally. If I needed a lift to hospital or something, it's public transport or a bus. I could ask my next door neighbours, but she doesn't drive, and he's just been banned for a couple of months following a stroke, so I've been the one offering help rather than vice versa.

I'm not sure why you are surprised. I'm a single mum and have no-one to rely on in every day life, because my friends and my family all work. Family don't live close by. Friends are usually busy with work and their teens, so don't have any spare bandwidth. Most of us are flat out just keeping our heads above water.

Three years ago I had a cancer op and one sister spared me half a day to help me with an appointment and another sis took three days out to collect me, take me home and do three days school run. But that was an exception, the only time I have needed help in 30 years. I managed chemo and radiotherapy appts on my own.

They know I will return the favour IN AN EMERGENCY but modern working life does not lend itself to helping out.

I did school run singlehandedly all of d's upbringing. It can be done when you have zero option!

DH has extended family and friends, but I don't have any family (my parents are dead, brother NC by his choice) and no friends. I was never good at friends, and I know I've never been best friends with anyone (there have been those who I would have described as best friends but I know to them I was only ever a friend). I've given up now, I'll talk to people but I have no expectation at all of anyone even having a coffee with me, its just easier that way

Yeah the whole 'drop your kids off with the neighbor' just asks for trouble I find. They pick their kid up six hours later

In daily life, I hit all the jackpots... (Disability, past extremely abusive relationship, ND kids and me, single, had to move hundreds of miles, cannot drive due to disability, skint, friends/family literally dispersed over the globe, my one very good local friend tragically passed away). A shit sandwich, as it were.

I do have very good friends, ones I've had for years and years and years. The kind of friends where we travel halfway round the globe to see each other. But that doesn't solve the daily issue of not having a circle here. I've made my peace with it. I have people I get on with enough to probably beg them to take us to hospital at 2am, or a taxi...

But I can totally see how adverse situations can lead to a small or nonexistent safety net of people. Life can be hard, if you haven't experienced much of that misfortune then I'm genuinely pleased for you ❤️

Hm.
Some people choose solitude, not loneliness.
I guess you need some money behind you to do this.
HTH, too 😊

I have no family nearby but soon as mine started school, me and my DCs friends prints became a kind of co-op for after school play dates and emergencies. I work full time and don’t spend hours at school drop off or pick up but I made the effort to get to know the parents of their close friends. I thought that was fairly usual?

I don't and alot of mum friends don't buy we help each other. You very lucky op

A hilarious thing about mumsnet is that people treat it as though it's a representative sample of Joules-clad mums. In reality it's a selection of extremely online weirdos people who do not answer their front door. When politicians turn up to be asked what their favourite biscuit is, they are assuming it's the former and not the latter and this is a huge mistake.

DH & I did very few drop offs and pick ups pre-Covid as we were working. I knew the name of one other parent, didn't have their contact details. I imagine most of the other parents wouldn't have recognised me when out if I didn't have DS with me.

I have no friends in the area I live in. I'm in touch on WhatsApp with a few former work colleagues.

Truth is I don't like socialising, it's exhausting. Other people are exhausting. Work has always given me more than enough contact with other people.