Why is mumsnet so sexist?

[Lovefromjuliaxo]

Been on here a few months, and while it’s nice to see women sticking up for woman, it’s crazy how sexist some people are on here. I’ve seen threads telling a women to leave her partners name off the BC as revenge because he’s cheated, I’ve seen posts saying “not surprised about huw Edward’s, no men can control themselves” and other numerous anti male threads and posts.

im a female for reference.

curious to see peoples opinions

YABU- it’s not constantly sexist on here
YANBU- it is constantly sexist on here

So if posters are making an assumption of the men in the OP’s life, they’re making those assumptions based on actual experience
So next time a poster write about their boy getting a detention at school unfairly when they'd done nothing wrong, I'll tell them that he is lying and was really violent because are more likely to be so and the detention was therefore fair!

That's the great thing with MN, men only become horrible once they are adults, because their boys are angels and would never do what adults men do. Good news, in one generation, make violence won't exist any longer!

You need to break it down further. Men tend to do it when they are already abusing the family in some way, women do it when their mental health is shot and unmanaged, even if they've tried to access help. Back to male violence again
What a stereotype! As bad as saying that the men in question developed violence due to MH issues developed by women and there isn't enough support to men with MH.

All these reasons are unacceptable. There is no excuse to killing your children. Most of these women go to jail, not mental health institutions. Women are no more excusable fir this crime than men.

You said ‘men’ which is plural, as is the word ‘they’

Yes, MN is sexist.

Most primarily male based forums are also.

A professor at a US University has stated that 91% of family annihilators are men and often have a history of domestic violence
Link to this research? How many of these blame their mum for turning the abuse they receive on their kids? It's a vicious cycle. We all have a responsibility to stop our actions.

Sorry I'll correct it, assumed the word "possibly" covered I didn't mean they as in all, what with possibly meaning, well, possibly, but I'll make it clearer:

Are you including the men who take their children's lives or other family members with them as a final "fuck you, woman"?

As I'm sure other posters have pointed out, men will tend to choose certain methods that will almost always work and usually the most disturbing way to find someone (possibly another final "fuck you" from some men). I'd imagine women try to do it in the least distressing way to others possible, meaning they often fail.

@DickEmery. Why are you so hostile to me using Mumsnet? Your posts come across as very aggressive.
There is of course a great deal of peer reviewed research about the behaviour of anonymous posters on internet forums. for example
https://s.tech.cornell.edu/assets/papers/secret-qual.pdf
Though the res
earch above references Reddit rather than MN

Well said BobbyBiscuits👏😊

It’s best to stone wall (..) such posters. Comments back only feed their stupidity.

No. You can't change who is the biological father after the event. However you can take steps to minimise harm if the biological father turns out to be inadequate for the role. One way of doing that is to restrict his rights and responsibilities regarding the child by not giving him automatic parental responsibility equal to your own by adding him to the birth certificate. If you ensure that any rights he has have to he granted by the court on application rather than by default, then you are introducing some safeguarding into the process.

Of course Mumsnet is sexist. Even at its core name Mumsnet but then claiming to be "by parents for parents", so excluding 50% of its target.

@KhakiShaker exactly my experience too. Of course there is a lot of people have had bad experiences with men, and of course the stats show lots of men are awful. However I agree op that there is often a total lack of ability for posters to accept that their lived experience is not universal and that sometimes women can also behave disgracefully. Posters in those situations where women are at fault are often ridiculed or not believed and it actually feels really shit when you need some support and you just get told you are a liar, or being misled by your dh, or your own experiences are dismissed.
Which is a shame.

There is two types of interventions here. Those who focus on male violence, which is fine, but will never engage in threads that highlight female violence for example. Only threads bashing men is of any interest.

Then you have those who look for any opportunity to bash men and then formulate generalisations. Those are common in relationship issues. Even when the OP insists that her partner is otherwise respectful and caring, these posters don't let go and try to convince the OP that she is blind, naive, and then stupid.

No, she's talking about the men that kill their own children and then themselves as a final 'fuck you' normally to a woman who has had the temerity to leave them.

This

Seriously, if you equate the replies countering OPs claims as hate then I respectfully suggest you stay away from the internet until you have developed some resilience

Can you explain why you find it so awful to leave a man to sort out getting his name on the BC himself?

No, she's talking about the men that kill their own children and then themselves as a final 'fuck you' normally to a woman who has had the temerity to leave them
Is this statically driven or confirmation bias?

Violence is that, violence, whether perpetrated by men or women. I don't get why we can't fight against it without making it a men only issue.

//

Ok let's pick this apart in the context of VAWG. This is overwhelming commited by men. Therefore is certainly a majority men issues. 2 women dying a week at the hands of someone they know is un fucking acceptable.

Luckily it's countered by all the great work the good men are doing to actively put their fucking heads above the parapet to call this out ... oh, hang on ...

Article about men who kill their families which includes the statistic that 91% of family annihilators are men:

https://www.parents.com/parenting/dynamics/inside-the-mind-of-family-annihilators/#:~:text=Typical%20Characteristics%20of%20Family%20Annihilators&text=Campbell%2C%20Ph.,Dr.

Quote about the reasons that they do this:

Angry over the family breakup

A study looking at British murder cases found the most common reason men kill their families was because of family breakups. These killers, researchers say, often hold their partner accountable for the family's outcome. There could be a divorce on the horizon or their kids were taken from them.

Why else would a man kill his own children?

But also the casual sexism; the 'dressing gown of doom' and the threads about how pathetic men are about feeling physically unwell.

Or the 'old men being rude drivers or in supermarkets'.

Abject sexism which would be seen as such if men would be saying that about women but also, the 'old' prefix also highlights the ageism that is rife on MN about men and women.

@BlackShuck3 Thank you 😁 x

Very sad that centering women, their perspective and their needs, is perceived as sexist.

I'm glad I'm a woman who only has to worry about rape and murder. If I was a man, people might laugh at my dressing gown 😱😱😱

Male family annihilators are typically driven by loss of control, including financial crises, separation or divorce, and may demonstrate evidence for domestic violence, while for women perpetrators, battery, abuse or mental illness is more common
Birmingham City University
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Familicide

There are others but it is common knowledge. I think a lot of the newspapers referenced this fact around the time that man killed his head teacher wife and children.