AIBU to not want to call my daughter’s genitals her vagina?

[BabyEl]

I know, I know, I know….we live in a enlightened age. I know it’s all the rage but vagina just doesn’t sit well with me.

my daughter has started to ask ‘what’s this’ pointing at her ‘bits’ and we need an answer soon!

i know all the arguments, I know “that’s what it’s called!” And “you call an arm an arm” etc but 1) that’s not what it’s called (technically that’s just the inner passage) and 2) when do people really use the word vagina?

do you say “my vagina is a bit sore today” or “oh yeah hubby, my vagina feels so good”

also vulva? No one says that anywhere.

do let’s put those arguments to bed.

secondly, “if you don’t use the real names and god forbid a crime occurs, the case could collapse due to incorrect name use”

I’ve seen this one a lot but I’m sceptical. Is our CPS so dull and dim witted that they will reject a child testimony because she failed to use medical grade terminology? I mean, maybe…? Is there any evidence of this happening?

anyway, I’d don’t like it. I don’t like front bottom, fanny or fufu either. I’m looking for something but not those and not the V word…

am I being unreasonable?

Just call it her private parts/privates Everyone j owns which area she’s referring to. My kids use bum for bottom and privates for the genitals. However I think this thread is a bit weird (not blaming you op I’m sure you are genuine )but sadly some sickos may gain enjoyment from such talk. 😔

You're just going to have to get over your internalised misogyny

FFS. It's a vulva.

I also call it a "fanny" because that's the word we used when I was a child, but I have taught my children that the correct word is vulva.

I know some people find "fanny" rude and it's also a common girl's name in France - which always amuses me, very immature of me I know. But for me it was the equivalent of "willy" for boys so it's stuck.

I hate "front bottom" and twee names for vulva. Also really annoys me when people call it a vagina when it's not.

I'm a dsl and was about to point this out!
Just call it a vulva, stop overthinking it.

What do you call yours? Why not use the name you’re comfortable with and tell her the medical term when you feel it’s appropriate

Make sure they know the correct terms, and using them is fine then pick a slang term you like.

Vulva is great - doesn’t sound fastidious or sexual, and it’s the correct term.

I think as long as it's clear a child is referring to genitals I'm not getting het up if someone says vagina and means vulva , or even my private parts, calling it Florence or flower could be confusing in a disclosure situation I guess. I think it's interesting though that no one refers to their humeroulner.

But if a child says privates / foof / fanny / front botty (all examples from this thread) then it’s pretty obvious that it’s a potential disclosure

I've used vagina and vulva with my daughters ever since.. well birth. I've never referred to them as anything else.
Personally I think having silly names for body parts kinda has a sense of shame or dirtiness attached to it. I don't want my daughters to feel any shame in having to ever having to accurately communicate something regarding their genitals. Be that in a case of sexual assault or to their doctors or to me regarding medical or hygiene issues.. or in sexual relationships as adults to their partners. Whatever the scenario I don't want them to ever have hesitation or lack of confidence or shame.
Particularly for girls, I personally feel it's important to feel in control of and knowledgeable about their own bodies from the outset.

My DDs know it's called vulva and the inside is their vagina. Once you start with the correct term it's easier to go on line that. I was a bit embarrassed at the start but honestly it's not a big deal at all for the child.

As long as you educate her on the correct terms then what uiubuse at home is irrelevant.

The issue becomes in the event there is an assault.

Whilst some people stick to "popular" terms like fanny. Front bottom etc others come up with utterly random terms which makes any report problematic as someone may not understand.

So uncle Frank touch my flower/bunny/button (all terms people have used in front of me) do not immediately tell that a sexual assault has occurred.

OP, call it what you like. The key is that your daughter has a name for it and can say it clearly and without shame. The actual name is secondary. You’re right that no situation is going to arise where she says “my minnie hurts” and a doctor is completely flummoxed. A bigger risk is that she feels she can’t name it at all, so find a name you’re happy with and use it with pride.

YANBU to not feel at ease, but probably the best thing to do is to reflect on why you feel so uncomfortable with the terms.
If I wanted to tell someone my vagina or my vulva was sore I’d use those words - to a friend or a medical professional. I can’t think using fluffy language would make it easier to discuss?
re. CPS - all the paediatricians I know are adamant about their own kids knowing the proper terminology - with the reason being first or second hand experience working kids where abuse has been picked up later than it might have otherwise. I’m a GP so less exposure in that area but talking to teens (and many adult women!) about Gynae issues can be tricky if they don’t have the words to describe issues. I’ve been surprised a few times when I’ve been to examine and the issue is in a completely different part of the anatomy to where I’d expected from their description iyswim.

We use fanny. It's what I call my vulva/vagina as an adult and I don't think its ambiguous so no worries about safeguarding.

The safe guarding argument only really holds up if a little girl calls it eg her ‘pocket’. If she tells someone that her uncle put something in her pocket they won’t know what she means.

Noonoo, Minnie etc are relatively well known terms so use that if you prefer and it shouldn’t cause an issue - certainly better than inventing your own term. But it’s on a par with calling a penis a “peepee” or dinkle. Just unnecessarily twee.

You could go with “gina” which is anatomical enough to be useful but not quite as blunt as vagina.

Just use vulva and vagina for heaven's sake.

do you say “my vagina is a bit sore today” yes why wouldn't I if it was sore?
“oh yeah hubby, my vagina feels so good” Only time that would occur would be during sex. And I dont talk a lot during sex but I may say "that feels good" as it's what he is doing that feels good. My vagina doesn't randomly feel good.

Teach her the right words but also use a word you prefer. Just ensure she knows we use vulva or vaginas when talking in more serious matters.

I know plenty who have used private bits. I don't like it but not does it offend me.

also vulva? No one says that anywhere.

You're wrong there actually.

YABU

I've never said it. I would say genitals

I would say the girl version of willy is "minnie". That's what we call it in our house

Nunny.

I'm with you, no one uses vagina or vulva. I'm not going to stand in a public toilet cubicle with my 2 year old saying, now wipe your vulva.