To think my friend stopped talking to me because I received a settlement from work?

[CheekyMoose]

I recently went through a tough time at my last workplace and ended up receiving a settlement after being treated horribly. It was a stressful experience, but the outcome helped me feel some sense of justice. However, ever since I told my friend about it, she’s been distant and barely spoken to me.

We used to be really close, but now she’s completely withdrawn, and I can’t help but wonder if it’s related to the settlement. There’s been no argument or falling out, but it feels like my news changed something. I’ve tried reaching out, but she’s just cold or makes excuses not to talk. I thought she’d be happy for me, but instead, it feels like she’s cut me off.

AIBU to think she’s stopped talking to me because of the settlement? Or am I overthinking this and it’s just a coincidence?

@PixieLaLar The last 3 posts have also been projecting but I'm guessing those might be more acceptable?

I don't think envy or jealously are the right words really. It's not about the money per se. It's more about the unearned nature and entitlement of it. I'm at the age where lots of friends and acquaintances have come into inheritances or other bonus lump sums. The way people handle themselves often dictates reactions from others. The people that tend to complain about their situations are often the ones then end up benefiting most I find.

For example all @of us can expect to lose someone we love one day and it often won't be easy. Appreciating that bereavement will happened to everyone but not everyone will financially benefit is emotional intelligence.

I agree with you @RecallRecall . I think some people who come into money share too much information and want to illicit a reaction. We have friends who have retired very early. I'm genuinely happy for them. But the constant boasting and asking intrusive questions about our finances has led to us distancing ourselves from them. They would no doubt say that's envy, but it isn't.

I didn't "share" how much compensation was awarded; my "friend" knew we had a case and that we won, no more than that. I've come to realise this former friend has never had my best interests at heart so I let the friendship drift. Sometimes we outgrow people.

Another jealous person- why can’t friends just be happy for you?

I wondered this too. Maybe she was expecting a share - she's not entitled to any of course, but folk can be strange when it comes to money.

Yes m, reading your update about the "older sister" relationship makes this very very likely.

Eh?

Op has explained clearly and concisely, and answered questions as best she can.

I don't see any rudeness.

Women standing up for themselves isn't rudeness.

@thepariscrimefiles
The OP has only challenged you because you because you posted a snarky comment that a setttlement didn't mean that she was innocent.

You are one of those posters that is rude to the OP but gets annoyed when the OP bites back.

Good spot! I hadn't realised that was the same poster. Explains it!

@Dragonfly97 apologies, when you said:

“a "friend" dropped me when she found out how much money I got”

I thought that meant you shared how much compensation you received.

Sorry, you're right, I did post that - I didn't tell her specifically how much compensation we got, I think she had a rough idea, and that was enough to make her angry.

Well it's true ... OP hasn't shared the full story (that's fine, her choice) but we don't know what has happened at her work. I can think of many situations when someone would fight for a payout when they may also be at fault. One that comes to mind is performance related issues. OP asked people not to project their own opinions or situations onto her but how can anyone say what is wrong with the friend when we know nothing about it?

i had a friend once that admitted that we couldn’t be « friend » anymore because I started dating and she was single. I was very sad because of course when your situation change, you want your friends nearby. Now that is the thing. You want friends nearby. Not anyone.

she showed you what you are for her. Don’t look back 🌺