To think my friend stopped talking to me because I received a settlement from work?

[CheekyMoose]

I recently went through a tough time at my last workplace and ended up receiving a settlement after being treated horribly. It was a stressful experience, but the outcome helped me feel some sense of justice. However, ever since I told my friend about it, she’s been distant and barely spoken to me.

We used to be really close, but now she’s completely withdrawn, and I can’t help but wonder if it’s related to the settlement. There’s been no argument or falling out, but it feels like my news changed something. I’ve tried reaching out, but she’s just cold or makes excuses not to talk. I thought she’d be happy for me, but instead, it feels like she’s cut me off.

AIBU to think she’s stopped talking to me because of the settlement? Or am I overthinking this and it’s just a coincidence?

You didn't take her advice and you are financially much better off for it. I'm guessing that she feels undermined and a little jealous. Well done for sticking to your guns.

With an attitude like that I'm not surprised she's stopped talking to you - settlement or no settlement.

Many years ago, when my parents died, as an only child I inherited all of their modest estate. It meant we were able to buy a car for the first time. I was shocked at the attitude of some of the people we knew then

I can relate to this post so much. Lost my mum young and my dad not long afterwards. Only child.

I also inherited, certainly not millions or anything but enough to help me quite a lot. It shocked me the nasty attitudes of some people - asking to borrow money, making snarky comments about how "lucky" I was when I was still grieving etc.

Meanwhile, their parents had been to their weddings, met their grandchildren etc. Something my own mum never got a chance to do which is the sadness of my life.

People's attitudes towards money is really vile sometimes. I dont talk about money ever now due to the nastiness/viciousness it brings out in people.

Bollocks.

So she views herself as an older sister. You confided in her and she told you to take the settlement that you were offered. You negotiated for yourself and got more. Substantially more.

She may be letting her ego override your relationship. I simply think that she views herself as superior to you.

I think unless you come straight out and ask you'll never know the real reason, main thoughts seem to be it could be jealousy when it could infact be a totally different reason.

A different view...
Not knowing what happened at work or how long it took to resolve makes it difficult to have 100% knowledge of the incident, that's no one's business but your own, could your friend have had enough of hearing about it and just got fed up with it being a topic of conversation?

She’s lost face because she gave you rubbish advice and you proved her wrong. So now she’s embarrassed and made up something in her own head that blames you.

Who says that’s OP’s general attitude, or are you projecting also? Why do you presume from that one post that it’s how OP talks to other people?

She is not a nice friend.

Whether it’s because she is jealous, or for another reason. Whatever the reason is, the not telling you why is not nice.

I doubt your friendship will recover.

If my best friend got 40 k after being unfairly treated at work I would be thrilled for her.

”with an attitude like that young lady” - apparently OP should be sent to bed with no dinner 😂

She thinks you do not deserve the settlement as she thinks only chancers sue. You might be quite correct to have done so, but often ppl don’t, they just leave

She often asked me how things were going and checked in on me if she hadn’t heard from me for a while when this was all going on. As the negotiations dragged on, she even talked about using some of the money to go on holiday after the ordeal and other financial plans. One day, when she checked in and I shared that I had resolved it and felt relieved to move on, she suddenly went radio silent.

Personally, I'd reach out and ask her whether everything is ok as she's been quite quiet lately. This might help uncover the issue.

I think money conversations can be tricky to have. A few years ago, my friend complained how she was being underpaid (she was on £50k at the time). While I agreed, I felt resentful that she'd brought it up with me (at the time I was facing redundancy and felt that she was being insensitive).

Do you think maybe she expected you to contact her to let her know that the process was completed rather than waiting for her to check in when you had news to share?

Probably not this way at all, but it comes across from the posts that your friend has been the one to encourage you, check in on you, take you out, etc.
If a friend doesn't return the effort, you'll always see on here, to let the friendship slide..so it could be that, and nothing to do with a settlement or them being jealous.

As the negotiations dragged on, she even talked about using some of the money to go on holiday after the ordeal and other financial plans

Do you mean including her in this plan or just for yourself?

I think @DysmalRadius has nailed it, she could be feeling not as important to you as you are to her to not share such big news.

Given that poster was talking total dog shit, I thought op was quite polite tbh.

Yes op it's common garden variety jealousy, as seen on this thread as a pp observed.

I did keep her updated when I could, so it felt natural for her to check in after I had news. It was only a few days after I got it that she checked in, and I told her. But tbh, I was overwhelmed and wanted to sit with all that had happened to me.

The friendship is definitely not one-sided. She often tells me to put things in the diary for meet-ups and insists it’s her treat as her “big sister duty.” She’s very enthusiastic about it.

I also check in on her, make an effort to reach out, and send her birthday and Christmas gifts. It’s been this way since I was 16. Everything was fine before this settlement.

I meant it in terms of plans for myself. She was encouraging me to go on holiday after everything that had happened, saying I deserved it and should take a break for a couple of weeks.

So can you just invite her out for a meal to mark the end of the ordeal and to thank her for helping you through it? If she ignores or rebuffs you, then you need to ask her flat out if you've done something to upset her.

I have a thing where if I've advised people badly or forgotten a big life event in their past, I feel so embarrassed that it somehow defects on to th, like I've behaved 'badly" or something!

So could it be she felt bad for having advised you to take the £10K?

If you told her the amount you recieved, then its jealousy, sadly. Is she struggling financially? Helped you financally before? Could she resent that you haven't helped her in kind now that you have broader shoulders?

I wonder if she took this as you needing a bit of time to process all that had happened if things progressed quickly, and is giving you that time.

IMO if the friendship was more she felt you were family I'd find it a bit odd that she'd suddenly stop speaking to you of her own accord.
It would be a shame if it was a wires crossed situation and she is waiting for you to let her know your mind is now in a better place and all the while you're thinking she's suddenly not wanting to know you any more.