Negativity around boys from mums of girls

[mills8]

Yesterday we found out we are expecting our second baby boy which we are both really excited about. My first little boy, almost 3 is nothing but an absolute joy. He's so chatty, sweet, hilarious, kind and loving and everything with him has always been so easy, he's been a dream to raise and I feel so lucky to be having another. If I could copy and paste him I'd have 10 of him. He's the blonde haired blue eyed boy I always saw in my mind when I pictured him.

Yesterday I seen a post on social media from a mother having her second boy and how disappointed she was, the comments were absolutely filled with people saying the same and how disappointed they were and so many mothers of girls saying they were terrified their precious baby girls were going to be boys and they would never want one so could understand the disappointment. It's not just on that post though, I have seen it countless times on here too and other posts on SM and it's really sad, why is there such negativity around boys? Especially second ones, people seem to really pity parents having a second boy. Is it people just being narrow minded? Why do people have kids if they're set on only one sex? I feel quite sad about the negativity and hoping to hear from some wise mumsnetters. Am I really going to be missing out when they are older?

Congratulations!

I think there is a growing feeling around having boys because, as women, we have become so aware of toxic masculinity, sexism etc etc, so perhaps there is an element of 'another man in the world'. However we can all try to bring our sons up to understanding their role, to be respectful, call out sexism, and not be part of toxic masculinity/entitlement.

@Notmollybutdolly I presumed it meant that OP imagined a child to be like this because this is how herself and partner look. I presume everyone imagines a fantasy baby to be in their own image or their partners.

But that is yet another stereotype "Women tend to be closer to their families than men". Genuinely not what I see in my family, my husband's family, the families of my friends. I don't actually know anyone where it's the case.
I'm not saying there aren't differences between men and women but personality is far more important in terms of family relationships.

Are we really saying that as many men as women visit their parents regularly, take on care of elderly relatives, even care for grandchildren?

Agreed. Interestingly I only see preference for girls expressed online. In real life I know men who've expressed a strong preference for boys, and it's always laughed off as "Oh he's just being honest".

Yes precisely this, I can't believe some people are clutching at straws that much and brining race into it and assuming I wouldn't love a ginger child, absolute complete madness and really not even worth responding to 😂

@mills8 i get that and I think everyone does, it doesn’t mean it doesn’t read a bit uncomfortably.

Get used to it OP. I have 4 boys, all teens now, and its like this constantly all the way from some (not all) mothers of girls. Its quite amusing when they have a 3rd or 4th and its a boy.

Congratulations.
Don't let the negative posts get you down.
I had two girls.
My eldest now has 3 teenage boys.
Born perfect blue eyed blonde.
Age 19 17 and 16. They are the most kind caring boys anyone could wish for.
Eldest and youngest ( ASD) home educated but eldest now at Uni( lives at home).
Middle one just started college ( A Levels).
They adore me their Granny and would do anything for me.
Never been in trouble.
Daughter brought them up on her own.. with my help and a whole amount of her wonderful friends.
She has now gone back to work full time.
They help with the cleaning/ washing.. keep their rooms tidy.
Look after the 3 cats.
Buy her presents for no reason .
I feel well blessed.
I honestly think her boys were easier than she was lol.

Born perfect blue eyed blonde

This is now being downright provocative.

I have one fantastic son and I'm currently pregnant with number 2, I would be absolutely delighted and extremely lucky if I was to have another boy - I think I'll get snappy with anyone who tries to say otherwise!

I’m not “clutching at straws” , what straws and why would I be clutching them? My toes did genuinely curl at that part of your OP.

Also- why is it ok for you to state you are over joyed / happy that you had “the blonde haired blue eyed boy [you] always saw in [your] mind when [you] pictured him” , and you would love to have him ten times over, but it’s not ok to be happy about having the little girl someone might have pictured in their mind when thinking of their future child?

Why if someone says they are so happy they had girls - that implies they are ignorant , wouldn’t love a boy just the same, and that they are a sexist. But you can talk about the “blond haired blue eyed boy” you always pictured - and having him 10 times over- and it’s totally ok and obvious that this has nothing to do with race and obviously you would still love your child if they were ginger? Makes no sense.

The blue eyed blond posts are AI surely? Ridiculous. My 4 boys have brown hair and green or brown eyes .... I still got the pitying looks, how do you cope, boys are so boisterous, dirty etc comments from mothers with multiple girls. Anecdotal but I'll let you guess whose kids caused most drama in the teenage years ...

This happens in both directions. Mums of boys saying they're glad they don't have to deal with bitchy girls or that they're glad their husbands get to raise a son. It's gender stereotypes and it is bullshit.

However, I bet the smug mums of girls would have been smug mums of boys if they'd had boys instead, and vice versa.

"It's always the mother of 2 girls with the 'I'm soo lucky I only have girls'"

I disagree. I have a friend who constantly went on about how glad she was that she had a boy. Boys are so much easier, less complicated, less bitchy, less this and that. I have a girl.

Anecdotal but I'll let you guess whose kids caused most drama in the teenage years

As I posted, someone else just popped up to prove my point!

I don't have kids btw. I'm a teacher though and can say for pretty much certain the drama / issues / whatever is evenly shared between boys and girls during the teen years.

It’s an interesting phenomenon given that by the time the children are of secondary school age, boys seem to be seen as more ‘valuable’ to society.

This is obviously a generalisation and something that I dislike but I do find it strange how female babies are often considered more desirable, and yet males seem to be better respected and prioritised when it comes to opportunities and career progression.

But why is this comment deemed ok but the woman who said she felt lucky to have 2 girls was torn to shreds? There have been so many comments on here from mothers with all boys about how much they love it, and how happy they are and they have been fine too. I'm confused! 🙈😅

I have no idea where it comes from but did experience it when I was pregnant before we found out what we were having especially from PIL & BIL! From the minute they knew I was pregnant it was “hopefully it’s a girl, we really want a girl”, “girls are so much nicer/easier” I really thought I was having a boy to the point I’d actually bought some boy clothes before finding out, my husband and I weren’t bothered at all about boy or girl, a healthy baby was literally all we wanted, but when we found out we were having a girl they were all very relieved and “thank God”! It did make us both think how sad it would have been for us & our baby if we’d had a boy and had to hear their disappointment!

It is crazy to pin so much on girl or boy, I think anyway!

I have a girl and a boy and they are both great, and also are very similar in many ways. I see people making smug pitying references about boys and other people doing the same about girls, and think they are just two sides of the same sexist coin. My children are now big teenagers,and the generalisations seen to have fallen away at this stage of life, but I suspect that the same people will be back in years to come, letting those same attitudes affect their relationships with grandchildren and their son or daughter in law.

A lot of it is to do with marketing and advertising. Girls clothes have a huge range, boys not so much. I could choose thousands of cute outfits for Halloween for DD, DS - well, if he doesn’t want to be Spider-Man there’s not much on offer.

@PreggersWithBaby2 nowhere did I say I'd hate having a girl 🙄 I would be equally happy with a girl, but that isn't the purpose of this particular thread, so would have been an unnecessary irrelevant comment.

My dds are 20 and 17 and have been lovely as teenagers. When they were little we got comments about how awful they'd be as teenagers.

It happens with school mums. The boy mums are a group, the girl mums are a group... to a degree. Yes people do look at you like you have your hand full with boys. I don't mind, I kind of do. But also it's a stereotype, a friends girl is much more active and 'bonkers' than another friends calm quiet boy. But people love stereotypes.

But nowhere did that other poster say she would hate having a boy.... 🙈