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Original poster

Friend picking on me on holiday and I snapped

304 replies

Poolsiders · 21/09/2024 14:04

Have been on holiday for four days with friend in Turkey and she hasn’t stopped making comments to me the whole time.

Ever since the airport, it’s been this sly little things and I don’t understand. I’ve just snapped at her and now she’s gone off saying I’m unreasonable and I don’t think I am.

Started with putting my case down, “you’ve got a lot of black in there are you here for a holiday or a funeral?” Then at the bar “why are you having that cocktail, why are you wearing that to go down to dinner, why why why” questions.

Constantly listening to stories about all her family members including great aunts, sisters lives stories but tried telling her about something I’m going through and got a “I’ve already heard this you typed it on the group chat” And then resumes to show me pics of her aunts dog :/

Sat on the sunbed, not feeling the most confident as I’ve gained weight recently but friend is bigger than I am. Never mention her weight ever to her. she keeps I think hinting people find me gross?

“That lady keeps looking over at you?” Me “oh is she, I don’t know why” “yeah she keeps giving you really dirty looks” I was like erm ok.

Then today at lunch, “that lady over there looked at you so disgustingly when you were eating that tomato with your hand” I did pick up a bit tiny that I couldn’t cut but usually manners are brilliant “she obviously thinks you’re disgusting”

I was like ok, then got up and wiped my hands and she said “are you seriously leaving that tissue you’ve wiped your hands on your dirty plate?” And I just snapped.

I actually don’t think that holidays with friends are for me. Had this once before when I was younger I think tensions run high when you’re away with someone.

my mum actually fell out with her best friend of 15 years on holiday and they never spoke again apparently it’s common to lose friends when holidaying!

OP posts:
AllyArty · 22/09/2024 19:47

She sounds like a nasty jealous piece of work.

Don’t let her put you off making friends with others in the future. Not everyone behaves the way she has. Grin and bear the remainder of your time away. I think she owes you an apology.

AnnOtherLife · 22/09/2024 19:49

I would suggest introducing a little of the local wildlife into your holiday. That is, catch something like a lizard, beetle or similar and tuck it firmly into your 'friend's' bed or handbag. Seems unkind: to the creature,but the human deserves it. If you're nearby when she meets it even better 🤣p.s. I holiday alone these days...

Mt61 · 22/09/2024 20:14

She Sounds very insecure & jealous, You don’t need friends who pull you to bits- get shut

LinaLouLa · 22/09/2024 20:15

Your friend sounds hideous. Seems to get pleasure out of constantly putting others down and making you feel bad. Ditch the bitch.

MounjaroUser · 22/09/2024 20:19

The first time she filmed me like that and posted it to others I would have refused to speak to her again.

GROMIT50 · 22/09/2024 20:24

I thought it was only kids that pick on each other, you both sound very immature, maybe find an adult to tell.

WandaFishy99 · 22/09/2024 20:26

GROMIT50 · 22/09/2024 20:24

I thought it was only kids that pick on each other, you both sound very immature, maybe find an adult to tell.

Oh the resident troll has awoken!

Scorchio84 · 22/09/2024 20:53

MounjaroUser · 22/09/2024 20:19

The first time she filmed me like that and posted it to others I would have refused to speak to her again.

Absolutely this! I hate having my photo taken, years ago it was out of my contol at gigs & stuff like that by people who were just enjoying the night & wanted that "DJ & me" selfie but if an actual friend did that to me & then proceeded to upload it/them after being asked "NOT TO" explicitly it would be a massive issue for me, we all have many photos & videos of us at various good & not so good moments but none of them have ever been taken to make anyone feel bad & they certainly don't end up online

She's not your friend

Imbusytodaysorry · 22/09/2024 21:16

She is consumed with jealousy and trying to make you feel shit . Knock your confidence to make herself feel better .

If tell her so . Put her back in place and enjoy your holiday without anymore bitching

Bthebestucanb · 22/09/2024 21:31

Poolsiders · 22/09/2024 10:30

Hello all, wanted to update and not leave anyone hanging. She returned and has been acting completely normal not a word about what happened or things, so I just said look it made me feel awful etc and she’s said ok. nothing else, no apology.

We’ve been eating and doing things separately which she seems overly sad about. She keeps being extra nice to me when I was in the room getting ready saying that I could borrow her perfume, clothes etc if I wanted or that she could do my hair and keeps trying to sit by me in the pool.

I simply popped in my air buds, got ready and went for a walk by myself and some food. In all honestly, it’s put me off her for life. I’ve just said to her let’s get through the next few days and then we will be home.

Well done. Who needs enemies with friends like this. Enjoy the rest of your break. The other option is to be totally honest with her & mention everything you've said here to see if her attitude will change.

letsallmeetupinthehyear2000 · 22/09/2024 22:42

She sounds like very hard work. Tell her you’re going to have the day to yourself tomorrow then leave her. Go to the beach, the town/village/church - treat yourself to a nice day alone. Then ignore her. If she says something mean - just repeat it back to her. She’s bullying you. It’s your holiday. Find some nice people to talk to - away from her xx

LoyalMember · 22/09/2024 22:47

Yeah, going away with certain friends can be a minefield. I've one childhood friend who I'll never holiday with ever again. Moodiness, nagging, narky, and difficult to please for almost the whole fortnight.

letsallmeetupinthehyear2000 · 22/09/2024 22:48

Just read the bit about her videoing you - that’s so mean ! My daughter (20) and I just went on holiday and I caught her snapping unflattering (I’m assuming) photos of me and sniggering sending them to her friend. I told her it was bullying type behaviour and I was on holiday to relax and not be made fun if. She stopped doing it thankfully !
if you’ve asked your friend to stop and she hasn’t respected that she’s not your friend

Ohnobackagain · 22/09/2024 23:56

@Poolsiders I’d be asking her to delete any videos as well. As you say, not long and you will be home.

llizzie · 23/09/2024 01:10

Poolsiders · 21/09/2024 14:04

Have been on holiday for four days with friend in Turkey and she hasn’t stopped making comments to me the whole time.

Ever since the airport, it’s been this sly little things and I don’t understand. I’ve just snapped at her and now she’s gone off saying I’m unreasonable and I don’t think I am.

Started with putting my case down, “you’ve got a lot of black in there are you here for a holiday or a funeral?” Then at the bar “why are you having that cocktail, why are you wearing that to go down to dinner, why why why” questions.

Constantly listening to stories about all her family members including great aunts, sisters lives stories but tried telling her about something I’m going through and got a “I’ve already heard this you typed it on the group chat” And then resumes to show me pics of her aunts dog :/

Sat on the sunbed, not feeling the most confident as I’ve gained weight recently but friend is bigger than I am. Never mention her weight ever to her. she keeps I think hinting people find me gross?

“That lady keeps looking over at you?” Me “oh is she, I don’t know why” “yeah she keeps giving you really dirty looks” I was like erm ok.

Then today at lunch, “that lady over there looked at you so disgustingly when you were eating that tomato with your hand” I did pick up a bit tiny that I couldn’t cut but usually manners are brilliant “she obviously thinks you’re disgusting”

I was like ok, then got up and wiped my hands and she said “are you seriously leaving that tissue you’ve wiped your hands on your dirty plate?” And I just snapped.

I actually don’t think that holidays with friends are for me. Had this once before when I was younger I think tensions run high when you’re away with someone.

my mum actually fell out with her best friend of 15 years on holiday and they never spoke again apparently it’s common to lose friends when holidaying!

Why did you go with her? Did she never give you any indication she was like this?

squishee · 23/09/2024 01:44

Itonlytakesadiagram · 21/09/2024 15:03

This may have been mentioned I don't know but I'd have snapped AND farted with the stress of it all.
*Farted is a nod to another thread in case you wondered.

I was expecting the first reply to say "And did you fart?"

Nightowl1234 · 23/09/2024 03:02

cadburyegg · 22/09/2024 18:08

I used to have a friend like this and being in her company 24/7 was just so draining. We used to go on the occasional weekend away and god it was so stressful.

Some examples of things she used to say included
"Why are you putting your suitcase on the sofa?"
"Why aren't you drinking more? We are supposed to be having fun"
(After someone complimented her on her hair) "No one ever compliments you on your hair, do they?"
"You've ruined your outfit with those shoes"
"I'm not a child!!!!" when I offered to help her with something.

Unfortunately I soon learnt she was like this all the time, not just on weekends away. She suffered with anxiety and I think she projected this onto me but I still don't think her way of dealing with it was acceptable.

She sounds awful but I can’t get over that you put your suitcase in the sofa! That’s so unhygienic! It gets wheeled on the dirty ground. It’s like putting your dirty shoes on the sofa and then having to sit on it. A bit gross! Other than that one point, yes she’s a cow!

MarvellousMonsters · 23/09/2024 07:25

She's not your friend.

petmad · 23/09/2024 07:59

go off and do you're own stuff only answer her calls if you want to meet only when necessary

WhitewitchYorkshire · 23/09/2024 08:15

Sorry youre having such a miserable time.. I honestly think she is deeply unhappy..all the things she’s criticising you about sound like they’re things she possibly feels about herself deep down but can’t admit. You’ve probably got a bit of time left on the holiday so is it worth while next time she says something nasty to say “ When you say that it makes me feel really unhappy/sad etc”. She doesn’t sound like someone you need in your life really.

LookItsMeAgain · 23/09/2024 08:49

My honest suggestion is to repeat back to her exactly what she is saying to you and if she is recording you, you record her.
You've asked her not to record you and you've asked her politely but she isn't following your request, so just start recording her. Record what she is saying when you're eating, play it back when you're in the room and have the volume loud so she can't ignore it.

If you are sharing a room, see if you can move to a different room and explain that your relationship has broken down and you can no longer share with her. See if the hotel can accommodate you that way. At least then you'd get some peace and quiet when you return to your room in the evening.

Going back to read the rest of the thread now. (this post was based on the first 100 posts that I read)

LookItsMeAgain · 23/09/2024 08:59

Poolsiders · 22/09/2024 10:30

Hello all, wanted to update and not leave anyone hanging. She returned and has been acting completely normal not a word about what happened or things, so I just said look it made me feel awful etc and she’s said ok. nothing else, no apology.

We’ve been eating and doing things separately which she seems overly sad about. She keeps being extra nice to me when I was in the room getting ready saying that I could borrow her perfume, clothes etc if I wanted or that she could do my hair and keeps trying to sit by me in the pool.

I simply popped in my air buds, got ready and went for a walk by myself and some food. In all honestly, it’s put me off her for life. I’ve just said to her let’s get through the next few days and then we will be home.

Having read this post - it seems to me like she realises she went too far but she is incapable or doesn't know how to actually say the words "I'm sorry" so that is why she is offering you her perfume and clothes etc.
She wants you to forgive her which is why she wants to sit next to you by the pool.

I'd simply say to her at this point "Look, you were really rude to me from the start of this holiday with the comment about too much black and being at a funeral or going on holiday, then you commented on what I was drinking, which is none of your business and you kept commenting. If you don't like something, don't deflect and say that a woman over there doesn't like it. Own it and say that you don't like it when whatever. I have also repeatedly asked that you not video me and you have, and you posted the video on the chat group so I'm now asking you to delete the video from the chat group and from your phone. You still have the memories but you won't have a video of me. I want to see you delete the videos too. I do not give you permission to video me. You have been called out for your rudeness and I have no interest in maintaining a friendship once we return to the UK so for the sake of the remaining days on holiday, I'd prefer it if you left me alone now so that I might enjoy the last few days here."

DoreenonTill8 · 23/09/2024 09:49

timeforanewmoniker · 21/09/2024 14:29

Obviously she is not normally like this because you wouldn't be friends with her. I have acted like this before and it was a combination of poor sleep in not my own bed, severe travel anxiety, not eating as well as I should, drinking too much and feeling grumpy after, and generally not having as good a time as I expected so every little thing started to get annoying.

Have you asked her what's wrong?

Edited

Did you behave as badly as this woman is doing to the op? Did you apologise to your travel companions for your behaviour if.so?

WandaFishy99 · 23/09/2024 09:56

Nightowl1234 · 23/09/2024 03:02

She sounds awful but I can’t get over that you put your suitcase in the sofa! That’s so unhygienic! It gets wheeled on the dirty ground. It’s like putting your dirty shoes on the sofa and then having to sit on it. A bit gross! Other than that one point, yes she’s a cow!

Show quote history

She didn't say she put the wheels on the sofa. She probably put it on the edge with the wheels sticking out. Also she might have put a bin bag or other protector down first.

angela1952 · 23/09/2024 10:27

We rented a holiday cottage with friends and DH, DD and I ended up in the very dark, damp back bedroom which was cut into the cliff and only had a couple of tiny slit windows at floor level. They said they'd change rooms after the first week but then conveniently said they'd never suggested this.
Ended up having a row after about 10 days and she actually sprang at me and tried to pull my hair like a playground fight. We've never seen them or spoken to them again.
I think most people have friends who they like to see but wouldn't be able to go on holiday with. I'm getting on a bit and have become much less tolerant over the years.