Friend picking on me on holiday and I snapped

[Poolsiders]

Have been on holiday for four days with friend in Turkey and she hasn’t stopped making comments to me the whole time.

Ever since the airport, it’s been this sly little things and I don’t understand. I’ve just snapped at her and now she’s gone off saying I’m unreasonable and I don’t think I am.

Started with putting my case down, “you’ve got a lot of black in there are you here for a holiday or a funeral?” Then at the bar “why are you having that cocktail, why are you wearing that to go down to dinner, why why why” questions.

Constantly listening to stories about all her family members including great aunts, sisters lives stories but tried telling her about something I’m going through and got a “I’ve already heard this you typed it on the group chat” And then resumes to show me pics of her aunts dog :/

Sat on the sunbed, not feeling the most confident as I’ve gained weight recently but friend is bigger than I am. Never mention her weight ever to her. she keeps I think hinting people find me gross?

“That lady keeps looking over at you?” Me “oh is she, I don’t know why” “yeah she keeps giving you really dirty looks” I was like erm ok.

Then today at lunch, “that lady over there looked at you so disgustingly when you were eating that tomato with your hand” I did pick up a bit tiny that I couldn’t cut but usually manners are brilliant “she obviously thinks you’re disgusting”

I was like ok, then got up and wiped my hands and she said “are you seriously leaving that tissue you’ve wiped your hands on your dirty plate?” And I just snapped.

I actually don’t think that holidays with friends are for me. Had this once before when I was younger I think tensions run high when you’re away with someone.

my mum actually fell out with her best friend of 15 years on holiday and they never spoke again apparently it’s common to lose friends when holidaying!

Is she usually like this? I’d tell her to fuck off. You go enjoy all the food, drinks and sun on your own. Much better than the sly digs and comments. Turkey is amazing don’t let her spoil your holiday.

Just an observation over the years that I’ve come to realise reaching the grand old age of 60 😉😉 think you have to get on with a friend really well to go on holiday with them. When you don’t live with someone you don’t get to see how they live, their habits etc etc and day by day as the holiday progresses it starts irritating you . I’ve fallen out with 2 friends, one alone and the other was with a group of girls and one just annoyed the hell out of all of us and didn’t want to do what we wanted to do and sulked when she didn’t get her own way . The other ‘friend’ I went away with is 2 years younger than me but you’d have thought she was my Nan . She didn’t want to go out in the evening at all , and when she did , she moaned the whole time about missing the All inclusive, vile, watered down drinks she could be having back at the hotel that evening so we ended up going home after half and hour , that and a million more irritants, I was so glad to get home . Not always the case as I’ve just gone away with a friend I’ve known for years , we had an amazing time and kept saying to each other are you ok with this and then laughing as we were so worried about not getting on, but we did and it was fab , so good holidays do happen, but you need to know that person really well !

She sounds like she's being deliberately horrible for some reason. Some people are like that. Not someone you want to be friends with. Holidays can def be the kiss of death to some friendships :( you see the other side of someone
Hope you cam enjoy some of the hols

Passive aggressive or what?! What a cow - someone like this really isn't a friend 😞

Good for you setting her straight, OP. Enjoy the rest of your holiday doing your own thing.

Absolutely this! My friends & I at various times over the years have holidayed & lived abroad & yes of course there were squabbles & a few tense moments but it was just that & everyone got over them pretty quickly

Your "friend" sounds like an absolute nightmare, a real drain & fun sponge, what a waste of your holiday @Poolsiders

My auntie says this too "If you want to know me come live (or holiday) with me" Those words said to me probably 20 odd years ago have always stuck with me

Do you know who she usually goes on holiday with? Years ago a colleague got friendly with me in the summer so she had someone to go on holiday with. Turns out other people had been away with her before and she'd been a nightmare so no-one wanted to go with her again.

That is ridiculous, she is being overly critical of you and highly judgmental. Totally reasonable that you snapped! It sounds like she doesn’t know how to just exist within herself and has no consideration for others. Trying to get you to constantly be worrying about what others think of you, including herself, is so mean and a waste of energy. Unless you are being disruptive or negatively impacting other people, you should be able to do whatever you want, wear whatever you want, etc without it mattering to anyone.

She is not a good friend, I am sorry she is treating you this way. Can you take some time to do your own thing apart from her on your trip? Sounds like space is very much needed at this point, nor does she deserve your presence.

Sounds like she’s obsessing about whether you ‘fit in’ at the resort, if she can’t relax then neither will you as it will be constant negging at you until you go home.

I've always thought that spending a holiday with a boyfriend where you're together 24/7 for a week or more, tells you whether you're likely to be suited long term, so falling out with a girlfriend, while you're on holiday, isn't that surprising when it's unlikely you've ever spent more than 24 hours together in one go before. Are you actually sharing a room, as if so, I'd be tempted to ask the hotel if they have a spare room you can have, or as someone else suggested, try some other hotels, as Turkey does tend to be pretty reasonable price wise. However, if you can't find somewhere else, then just spend the days and evening separately, and use the room purely as a base for storing your stuff and sleeping. I hope you can still salvage something from your time away.

She sounds like a shitty friend. Putting you down to make herself feel better.
take unflattering videos and pictures of her and post them in the group chat, let her know how it feels. She may begin to understand how shit she’s really making up feel

Yet here is a man trying to put the spotlight on himself. Totally unrelated topic and he’s butting in to make everyone pay attention to THE MAN.

ladies we have a male amongst us, let us all stop and pay tribute to him in all his ignored glory.

Ok, she has issues. In the morning say (quietly, but assertively) something like:

Look (name) this is not working, is it. You're constant sniping and criticism of me is tedious and unfriendly. I need some space and am going to be doing my own thing for the rest of the trip.

Ditch her after the holiday.

Not a friend. Don’t look back!

please choose a good friend and maybe try again for one or two days at a time. Holidays with friends are great but yeah! You have to go with similar « no expectation » mentality.

She's not your friend.

I couldn’t deal with that. Tell her you’re going to do your own thing for the rest of the holiday, learn from this and never ever go on holiday with her again.

Yeah, or no explanation.

just a « I will go there alone today, don’t wait for me ok? »

she will get it and if she wants the friendship, she will tone down. If she flares…well. As I said. Don’t look back op! You sound great, be confident 🌺

I'd have been 'that' person & made a dig back that get clothes would be too big for you!

She sounds like she has lost the plot. Is she not normally like this? Sounds exhausting. I'd wish I had just come by myself

She sounds awful, with friends like her who needs… well you know. I think phase her out OP. Don’t let it put you off friend holidays, my friends are lovely and would never put me down in such a way! Choose your holiday partners wisely going forward

And can I say how dare she video you and send this to other people!! And wouldn’t be on film herself, what a bitch

Stop calling her your friend.

She sounds controlling and seems disgusted that she had to lower herself to come on holiday with you.

Some people with delicate egos can't tolerate being friends with someone they consider their equal, so instead, they cultivate 'friendships' where they feel like the superior, dominant one.

It doesn't mean they like the other person though, and the other, narcissistic part of themselves is in conflict and angry that they have to lower themselves to this level. That's where the nasty comments are coming from. She's taking out that anger and resentment on you.

She's not your friend, she's tactless or nasty or both - whichever way, don't let her be your problem, get rid !

Perfectly done.
She's a Class A bitch and there is nothing to be gained by spending any further time with her.
She went too far and is now back pedalling.
Typical bully behaviour.
My friends daughter had a similar situation.
As she was getting on the plane she caught a member of crew and asked was there any way she could be moved seat as her holiday had been awful.
They kindly offered her a spare seat.
Her mother collected her, she didn't offer her ex friend a lift, left her to pay for a taxi home and has had nothing further to do with her.