Friend picking on me on holiday and I snapped

[Poolsiders]

Have been on holiday for four days with friend in Turkey and she hasn’t stopped making comments to me the whole time.

Ever since the airport, it’s been this sly little things and I don’t understand. I’ve just snapped at her and now she’s gone off saying I’m unreasonable and I don’t think I am.

Started with putting my case down, “you’ve got a lot of black in there are you here for a holiday or a funeral?” Then at the bar “why are you having that cocktail, why are you wearing that to go down to dinner, why why why” questions.

Constantly listening to stories about all her family members including great aunts, sisters lives stories but tried telling her about something I’m going through and got a “I’ve already heard this you typed it on the group chat” And then resumes to show me pics of her aunts dog :/

Sat on the sunbed, not feeling the most confident as I’ve gained weight recently but friend is bigger than I am. Never mention her weight ever to her. she keeps I think hinting people find me gross?

“That lady keeps looking over at you?” Me “oh is she, I don’t know why” “yeah she keeps giving you really dirty looks” I was like erm ok.

Then today at lunch, “that lady over there looked at you so disgustingly when you were eating that tomato with your hand” I did pick up a bit tiny that I couldn’t cut but usually manners are brilliant “she obviously thinks you’re disgusting”

I was like ok, then got up and wiped my hands and she said “are you seriously leaving that tissue you’ve wiped your hands on your dirty plate?” And I just snapped.

I actually don’t think that holidays with friends are for me. Had this once before when I was younger I think tensions run high when you’re away with someone.

my mum actually fell out with her best friend of 15 years on holiday and they never spoke again apparently it’s common to lose friends when holidaying!

I think snapping at her was the right approach in the circumstances: it has brought her up sharp and made her aware that you as well as her know she's been behaving appallingly. Had you gone for the softly softly approach "I don't know if you realise but when you say stuff like...I find it hurtful" she'd have said you were imagining it and or said that you took her comments the wrong way. Hope you enjoy the rest of your holiday and good on you for not letting this ridiculous woman get away with it.

Don’t give up on holidays with friends. They’re great fun. She doesn’t sound like a friend. In fact, she sounds extremely irritating. Why does she give a shit what colour clothes you’ve packed (90% of my clothes are black) or how you eat a tomato!! Weird. What you describe is bad mannered, interfering and nasty. Insist she deletes any photos she’s taken of you without your permission, which is very disrespectful.

Dear Poolsiders / OP

This is not a "FRIEND" ... this is a nasty-minded acquaintance that you are travelling with.

None of my friends tries to push my buttons or demean me ... not at home! ... not at work! ... not at social events! ... not on holiday!

You do realise that when she sees your other friends from the group chat she's going to be telling them you went weird on her and ruined the holiday, don't you??? Been in that situation where someone was a total cow and for calling her out I was the one bitched about and a complete rewrite of the incident was spread around. Make absolutely sure she doesn't get away with doing that!!!

Absolutely this! Get in first, confide in a good friend on there, you could always send her the examples here and ask if she's ever been like that with them and how confused and upset you are.

Holidays are precious time to re charge.

Without guilt I would tell her that you are finding yourself incompatible for a trip together so you prefer to continue on your own.
You might well meet another lone traveller and have the best time of your life after this split. It happened to me once.
I had a holiday with girls I didn't know, one was a model and was obviously feeling superior, she was judgemental, dirty, entitled, and then staring at me with that look.. She stated that her biggest problem was dating too many guys and not knowing what to choose.. and definitely she was ruining our time.
I decided to quit and had a wonderful time on my own.
Met other people including a guy and enjoyed myself.

Life is precious and you'd come back stressed regretting not quitting in time. She must have problems that it's not your job to fix and not on a holiday.

Our family travelled to another country to meet up with friends.. Their idea.. One day I catered and cooked for the 2 families... Their turn came around and the dw declared the campsite shop was shut so they cancelled. No offer of another time. We discussed a day trip away from the campsite.. Got up to find they had already gone. We left the next day and set up on another site. The narrative to our work colleagues was very different on returning home.
Also was pregnant and had a dc 21 days of getting home full term. Never spoke to her since. Vowed never to go away with anyone again.

The best person to ask woukd be her ex! They would know how her abusive character truly is.

Friends don’t constantly undermine and criticise.
i am assuming she is completely perfect (in her own head)
Tell her to keep her passive aggressive digs to herself or this toxic one sided friendship is over

I had similar problems with a friend on holiday - constantly slating (my home) the North & northerners wouldn't stop 'advising' on the protracted sale of our business that was depressing me and generally putting down my life. Eventually I snapped and said very firmly "ffs just Shut Up!" before waking off. She looked totally shocked and was sweetness and light for the rest of the week. Win! 😀

Just a thought. Nobody is perfect so it possible that you have done anything that might have upset her? If you still have any chats with her that might be a good time to ask. All might be be resolved then.

Seriously ?? The friend videos her and posts it without her consent... says people are giving her the evil eye... makes ridiculous unnecessary comments about a napkin on a plate... makes nasty personal comments...... and god knows what else.... and you wonder what the OP may have done to deserve it ?? Get a grip !!! She blocks her and never speaks to her again.... THEN all will be resolved !!!

I believe youngsters call this "negging". She's trying to undermine your confidence with all these little digs because she feels crap about herself. Don't allow her insecure nastiness drag you down OP - and as others have said, have nothing more to do with her when you get back to Old Blighty.

I didn't say that and you appear to be taking all of the comments the poster made as facts. So I am serious and just simply asked if there was something else that may have been part of this communication issue.

If the OP had done something to annoy the friend then that issue should have been addressed BY THE FRIEND instead of her constant barrage of nastiness. And I don't pick up anything in the post to make me think OP is exaggerating or lying. Or don't you believe anyone's posts?

Sorry if I've offended you. I do believe the 'friend' sounds horrible according to the account given. I was asking the OP if something else had happened so let's see.

Don't beat your self up. We all would have snapped at that. In her defence holidays can bring the stress out in us all. Personally I don't holiday with friends for exactly this reason. Tell her she is being totally unreasonable and suggest she spends some time alone to think about her actions. It's your holiday so wear whatever makes you feel comfortable. It's none of her business, but please do try to enjoy your holiday. Good luck. X

What a cow she is

WHAT A NASTY COW. THATS NOT A FRIEND !!!!

You're right.It's the same accusation everytime someone is bullied and tries to report it. "What did YOU do to be bullied?" It's called victim blaming.

Unpopular opinion perhaps. But I did pick my tooth the once, then found tooth picks, but I did do it it is a bad habit but im working on it.
People will be saying things espeically the judgmental people out there, you can ignore them. But the friends should be the ones who you can vouch for and have your back, not causing you the headache.

They should be able to be objective and you as well with them, if this person who says they're your friend is giving you more headache than they're adding value, (unless they're pushing you to do better then perhaps) it's worth reviewing your circle.

About the gaining weight, im trying to gain it and I do look better and feel better gaining some muscle, if you're ok being your size and you've not got there by coping with food like I have done in the past then ignore everyone, if you feel losing some (in a healthy way) may gain you that confidence to do more in life go for it.

Either way you snapped perhaps because you didn't know how else to react and didn't think a friend would belittle you, there's plenty of people out there on bumble, cut down your time with this friend and focus on yourself and new cricle, also maybe come back and review them in a month or so, but write down some things have affected you and just see if they give you the time to listen. If they do, they're worth maybe giving a second chance if they stop the picking on you. If they dont want to listen then put and to that friendship there and then.

whats a dc?

Dear/Darling Child.

Walk away... I had a "friend" like this. We went on holiday and I experienced a similar situation. I haven't spoken to her in 6 years now and I've not missed her one bit. That's not someone you want in your life.

🙄🙄🙄