Friend picking on me on holiday and I snapped

[Poolsiders]

Have been on holiday for four days with friend in Turkey and she hasn’t stopped making comments to me the whole time.

Ever since the airport, it’s been this sly little things and I don’t understand. I’ve just snapped at her and now she’s gone off saying I’m unreasonable and I don’t think I am.

Started with putting my case down, “you’ve got a lot of black in there are you here for a holiday or a funeral?” Then at the bar “why are you having that cocktail, why are you wearing that to go down to dinner, why why why” questions.

Constantly listening to stories about all her family members including great aunts, sisters lives stories but tried telling her about something I’m going through and got a “I’ve already heard this you typed it on the group chat” And then resumes to show me pics of her aunts dog :/

Sat on the sunbed, not feeling the most confident as I’ve gained weight recently but friend is bigger than I am. Never mention her weight ever to her. she keeps I think hinting people find me gross?

“That lady keeps looking over at you?” Me “oh is she, I don’t know why” “yeah she keeps giving you really dirty looks” I was like erm ok.

Then today at lunch, “that lady over there looked at you so disgustingly when you were eating that tomato with your hand” I did pick up a bit tiny that I couldn’t cut but usually manners are brilliant “she obviously thinks you’re disgusting”

I was like ok, then got up and wiped my hands and she said “are you seriously leaving that tissue you’ve wiped your hands on your dirty plate?” And I just snapped.

I actually don’t think that holidays with friends are for me. Had this once before when I was younger I think tensions run high when you’re away with someone.

my mum actually fell out with her best friend of 15 years on holiday and they never spoke again apparently it’s common to lose friends when holidaying!

Next time before booking a holiday with a friend, ask yourself, is she a total bitch, if the answer is yes, don’t. In this case, video her the next chance you get. When she objects say I need a video of you to post if you share another one of me, the group will wonder why I’m not sharing updates of you so I’ll use this.
Say it calmly and flatly.

Holidays really can make or break friendships.

In last few years I’ve been away with 4 different friends. 3 of them I had brilliant holidays with and have gone away several times. 1 we’ve barely had any contact since we had a week away in Greece. She wasn’t a bitch like your friend but she was so flaky, we made plans to do certain things then when I came to a few minutes before, she claimed not to remember discussing it - several times not just once, we missed the coach to go on a day trip due to her faffing about and by the last day I just laid round pool with headphones in and she sat in shade chatting to her adult children on the phone for hours. Even when I asked if she could look after my bag while I used the courtesy shower room she said are couldn’t as she wanted to go for a walk - when she’d sat in the same chair not moving for the last 4 or so hours but couldn’t wait another 15 minutes so I could shower!

The flight home we barely spoke and despite us driving there together and me agreeing to drop her home, she ‘forgot’ to mention her daughter was picking her up at Stansted.

There were a few other things that caused us issues and she would probably tell things differently but safe to say it ruined our friendship.

Report her for harrasment to the UK police. Uk Citizens who commit a crime anywhere can be prosecuted back home. It was initially to nab pedo’s abusing kids in poorer countries.

Book a couple of excursions by yourself and do lots of solo activities like sunbathing, swimming, meals etc. Then block and dump her after you return home.

Going away on holiday frequently helps you see who your real friends are - this one isn't a friend.

Borrow her phone and delete the videos of you, also off whatsapp. Take an unflattering video of her, send it to her privately, and threaten to put it on the whatsapp group if she takes any more of you.

Wear headphones and smile and nod a lot while listening to your music or a podcast, and drop her off your friendship group when you get home.

She is not a friend, she is an insecure bully who is using you to make herself feel better. Not that it is any excuse. Decide now the friendship is over, enjoy your holiday free of her and if she asks why things cooled, just tell her it was the way she was to you on holiday,

In case, DEFINITELY surreptitiously film her next time she's being mean! I bet the group chat would love the update.

“You don't really know a person until you live with him, travel with him or do business with him”

― Omar ibn al khattab

Turn it back on her ask her if she’s feeling ok because she isn’t being nice. Right now she doesn’t sound like a friend. I backed away from a friendship like this. It was questioning not conversation. Possibly jealousy. I decided they were her issues not mine and backed away.

Just read your second post about videoing you in unflattering situations and then sending them to others, for this alone I would ditch the friend. She is out for herself only and doesn't care about your feelings, just to get some attention for herself. I have had 'friendships' like this in the past, and thats were they stayed in the past. Do you remember how you came to be friends, did you have a shared interest or work together or something.

I am sorry you are having this as a holiday is presumably something you have worked hard to afford and spent a while looking forward to.

Videoing you without your permission and putting it on the group chat is out of order. What did you say to her? Hope it was ' fuck off and leave me alone' Download an audio book and stick some headphones in, ignore her for the rest of the holiday and change your seat on the flight home if you can. She doesn't seem like a close friend so just tell the group chat that she was a bitch and ruined your holiday. If the others saw the video and thought it was not nice, they would probably understand.

Going solo is so much easier, I can do people watch and not have to get involved with conversation - bliss

What did you actually say when you 'snapped' and what was her reaction?

She's sounds more like your enemy than your friend and the filming of you and sharing it is outrageous!

Persistently projecting her insecurities on you. Yawn. There’s so many of these people around. No time for them personally. I wouldn’t be keeping in touch.

Perhaps she feels awkward with silences, especially as the two of you are not close . I'll admit to doing the retelling of stories I've already mentioned on WhatsApp as there's a difference between a two line update and the full story .

Perhaps you could start listening to music or reading a bit more when you are both alone together (or at least pretending to) or head out on a few trips or something . Whatever you can do to make this holiday more bearable really .

And yes there's a big difference between meeting someone for coffee for a couple of hours, and going away with them. Especially if sharing a room. If you're considering a similar trip in future with another friend I would go for a weekend and separate rooms in the first instance .

Holidaying with friends can be painful and she certainly sounds a pain.

I overheard a passive aggressive comment between friends myself on holiday this year from 2 women lying on sun loungers in front of us.

Friend 1 (obese) " how tall are you?"
Friend 2 (slim) - gives an answer
Friend 1 "wow - you should weigh more than you do at your height. You're too skinny"
Friend 2 - silent (probably gobsmacked)

You’ve made me realise holidaying by myself isn’t as bad as I thought.
Any trips you can go on last few days? Book one and just say at last minute I’m off to xxx, see you later. Or grab a bus/taxi to somewhere?

Drift apart op

God she sounds a right bloody cow. Good for you to call her out on it.

What a cow, she's no friend OP. If it were me I'd sneakily take a quick video of her and post it to the group chat in retaliation.

Yeah...she deserves that tbh

It’s not that holidays with friends aren’t for you, OP. It’s holidays with this particular ‘’friend’’ that aren’t for you, she’s very obviously insecure and trying to compete with you. She’s a bitch. Tell her to fuck off and that you know what she’s doing. I bet she shuts up. Then drop her when you get home!

1. Delete the videos of her from the phone.
2. Ask her to repeat every time she makes a snarky comment
3. Block her the second you land.

It’s not you…..

This!

She sounds awful. I would be dropping her like a hot potato.