He left me asleep

[GoldieLocks09]

DH and I tend to watch TV most nights when the DC are in bed. Sometimes one of us ends up close to falling asleep on the sofa, I’m pretty good at being like RIGHT, let’s go to bed if I feel myself or notice him dropping off.

DH has expressed that he loves a sofa nap, whereas I have explicitly said I hate them, I wake up in pain in my neck / back / whatever. And often struggle to get back to sleep when I go to actual bed so spend a few hours trying to do so getting more annoyed wishing I hadn’t had the sofa nap. On the very odd occasion I’ve woken up in the early hours on the sofa I feel rubbish the next day because the sleep I get on the sofa never feels like that many hours of sleep in bed.

Last night I had 2 glasses of wine at DS4’s friends birthday party. Also had a particularly busy week at work. By the time we got home both DS’s went straight to bed (luckily decent party food they both had quite a bit of). I’d done a slow cooker dinner which was fairly carb heavy, we ate that and I didn’t last long on the sofa, fell asleep pretty quickly.

DH says he did ‘try’ to wake me. But I then woke up at 4am, with a stiff neck, a full face of make up on, most lights on downstairs, dinner not tidied away, alone. I was pissed off and think he should have done more to try to get me to come up to bed.

AIBU to think this?

How did you get home after two glasses? Did he come and get you?

Because it’s his house/mess/job just as much as it’s the OPs? Can’t believe someone really would ask why a man should tidy because his wifemaid fell asleep…

But why can’t he tidy it in the morning & why can’t he be tired too?

Unless you are a child, then YABVU.

Honestly, this is the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard.

If you’re tired, then go to bed.

If he’s tired, then it’s up to him to go to bed.

You shouldn’t be telling him that he needs to go to bed and he shouldn’t be guilt tripped because you fell asleep on the sofa.

Surely, when you were sat on the sofa and felt that you were tired you would have just gone to bed.

Do you and DH always have to go to bed at the exact same time?

I can’t work out if you are co-dependant or just a bit controlling.

Well you know what to do next time he falls asleep on the settee. Leave him there and tell him you couldn’t wake him

The dh enjoys sleeping in the sofa so not much of a punishment.

Are sauce covered plates really a messy kitchen? You should see mine!

dinner not tidied away, alone.

You weren’t alone.
Your DH was literally just upstairs.

I don’t understand why you’re being so dramatic over this.

You had a face full of make up because you chose to put that make up on and then chose not to take it off - did you expect him to remove your make up for you as well??

I also don’t clean the dinner dishes in the evening if I’m too tired. They can wait until the morning.

This is not normal behaviour OP and if you were a man you would be getting your arse handed to you on here.
You sound controlling.

You are not a child you are responsible for what you do and rare as the suggestion where women is concerned is

Some people walk to places!

Some of these responses are hilarious! I was being a bit melodramatic, granted. I woke up feeling annoyed that he knows I’ve asked him to wake me before and also I was left to do the tidying… BUT there is no issue this morning, the kitchen is tidy, I’m on my second coffee and he has told me how asleep I really was but also how tired he was..

and to answer the question about the party, it was straight from school I walked both DS’s there and DH joined us after he finished work. He didn’t have a drink and drove us all home. Neither of us are big drinkers, especially at home, but it was quite nice after a long week to have a couple of glasses with some new friends while the children played (we’ve just moved and DS4 has started primary school in a new area - new friends for everyone!)

I woke up feeling annoyed that he knows I’ve asked him to wake me before and also I was left to do the tidying

But he did try and wake you up!!!

if you were a man you would be getting your arse handed to you on here.

Absolutely

🤣
Behave
Did you want him to carry you up?
Are you a princess?

Apparently so! 👸🏼 didn’t quite realise I was, but I’ve been proved wrong 😂

He was obviously not ‘zonked out on the sofa’ tired. He could have done one job before bed, most adults do. The op had taken their child to a birthday party and prepared dinner, least he could have done was sort the dishes.

Actually shocked at how many people are calling me controlling? 😂 I don’t think I’ve ever been called that 🥴
We’re in a marriage, we both get annoyed about minor things at that moment, which we then get over. But 99% of the time our priorities are loving and caring for each other.

It’s not the end of the world if it’s done the next morning though is it?

YABU - you were so tired you fell asleep in the couch and he couldn't wake you. I assume he was super tired as well, so didn't tidy up and went to bed (which is essentially what you did by falling asleep on the couch). No big deal - you had an awkward night's sleep and there's tidying up to do for both of you in the morning.

If couch naps are uncomfortable for you, don't lie down to watch TV and/or watch TV after dinner in bed.

He was obviously not ‘zonked out on the sofa’ tired

I’ve never zonked out on a sofa but I’ve definitely been exhausted during my life.

The op had taken their child to a birthday party and prepared dinner, least he could have done was sort the dishes.

But why couldn’t he sort the dishes in the morning? Why did he have to do it whilst the OP was asleep? It’s just not something I would ever chastise my partner for.

We’re in a marriage, we both get annoyed about minor things at that moment, which we then get over.

Normal but why start a thread over something so trivial if it really wasn’t a big deal to you?

Or is this just backtracking as many people have said you are unreasonable 😆😆

YABU about the sleep thing. If he tried he tried.

Leaving the mess and lights on is the unreasonable part.

No it’s not, but I guess that depends if @GoldieLocks09 husband would sort it first thing or was expecting her to wake up from the sofa to do it, since he kindly left the light on. I still don’t think it’s entirely kind to leave someone asleep on the sofa, lights on, dirty dishes starting to smell up the downstairs - altogether it’s not great. Just my opinion and I’d say the same if the situation was reversed. It’s not the husbands job to make sure the op got to bed but it’s not nice to leave her like that either.

"Because it’s his house/mess/job just as much as it’s the OPs? Can’t believe someone really would ask why a man should tidy because his wifemaid fell asleep…"

I Imagine the responses would be rather different if a man said, ate tea had a few drinks, so fell asleep watching the telly and am annoyed because my wife left me there and didn't even tidy up...

dirty dishes starting to smell up the downstairs.

Next thread - AIBU to have been angry at waking early because of the dreadful smell wafting up the stairs because dishes from last night were not washed up.

Chorus of LTB

Sometimes this place is an alternate universe!!

Tired me felt that he was being very unreasonable 😅 - but I was up at 6 with DS who’s just under 1. I wake up early though so don’t mind generally. 2 coffees in and I can see the other side.

I’ve never zonked out on a sofa but I’ve definitely been exhausted during my life.

OK?

But why couldn’t he sort the dishes in the morning? Why did he have to do it whilst the OP was asleep? It’s just not something I would ever chastise my partner for.

Would you like to be left sleeping downstairs and wake up in the middle of the night to a load of smelly dishes still out? You’re telling me you’d not even be slightly irritated by being left downstairs, lights still on and a mess from the dinner you prepped not even cleared up? Because all three of those things collectively would absolutely piss me off. If the OP’s husband is the type to crack on with housework and chores as soon as he gets up though, obviously less of an issue.