He left me asleep

[GoldieLocks09]

DH and I tend to watch TV most nights when the DC are in bed. Sometimes one of us ends up close to falling asleep on the sofa, I’m pretty good at being like RIGHT, let’s go to bed if I feel myself or notice him dropping off.

DH has expressed that he loves a sofa nap, whereas I have explicitly said I hate them, I wake up in pain in my neck / back / whatever. And often struggle to get back to sleep when I go to actual bed so spend a few hours trying to do so getting more annoyed wishing I hadn’t had the sofa nap. On the very odd occasion I’ve woken up in the early hours on the sofa I feel rubbish the next day because the sleep I get on the sofa never feels like that many hours of sleep in bed.

Last night I had 2 glasses of wine at DS4’s friends birthday party. Also had a particularly busy week at work. By the time we got home both DS’s went straight to bed (luckily decent party food they both had quite a bit of). I’d done a slow cooker dinner which was fairly carb heavy, we ate that and I didn’t last long on the sofa, fell asleep pretty quickly.

DH says he did ‘try’ to wake me. But I then woke up at 4am, with a stiff neck, a full face of make up on, most lights on downstairs, dinner not tidied away, alone. I was pissed off and think he should have done more to try to get me to come up to bed.

AIBU to think this?

Oh I know, just clarifying 😂 but I forgot how much MN can reach. Next time I have 2 glasses of wine with friends over a 4 hour period I’ll be sure to think about the house fire I’m about to start 😆

My DH falls asleep on the sofa frequently, and is impossible to wake. I do try, but by that point I'm often dropping off myself, and if he doesn't get up when I ask him, I'm not going to stay up repeatedly telling him to go bed. I'm not his Mum.
However, I do leave at least one light on for him so he doesn't have to stumble to bed in the dark.
I may or may not tidy up, I don't think it's really fair that having shopped for and cooked the dinner, that clearing it up becomes my responsibility by default since he is usually the one kipping on the sofa. And yes, he does work weird shifts sometimes, he does have a form of sleep apnoea, he has seen the GP, and no, I don't think it is normal for someone to fall asleep on the sofa quite so deeply and frequently.
OP I think you need to consider that a) you may indeed be difficult to wake and b) he has dropped off too, which might explain his failure to clear up.

Yes, you are being unreasonable. It’s your fault you fell asleep on the sofa…

Why not get a tv in the bedroom, if you both fall asleep on the sofa on a regular basis then I'd be just going up to bed and watching tv up there, no need to wake each other up, no stiff necks, no get woken up when the other come up to bed at 2am just a good nights sleep

We actually have a TV bed.. we should utilise it way more. I think we both know that if we watch anything in bed it won’t get watched.. we WILL fall asleep but downstairs it’s a gamble 😂 usually I’m fine, last night apparently not

Yah. Not in this case though, but thanks.

Cycle after two glasses with two DCs? Fancy.

I wouldn’t trust myself to cycle without any alcohol in my system, let alone with 2 glasses 😂

Nor me!

What a fucking sad state of affairs the sheer number of posters trying to justify the husbands shitty behaviour.

I regularly wake my husband from his sofa nap so he gets a proper night's sleep and doesn't end up stiff and achy.

Yes I could just leave him under the guise that it's his own fault he fell asleep. Of course he could set an alarm but why would he. We're married so we have each other's best interests at heart.

What's the point in being married if you can't even show you spouse basic kindness?

So if your husband didn't wake up, or just sort of motioned for you to go away, or started to move and then fell asleep again after you'd gone up to bed, what would you do?

Are you going to drag him off the sofa if he's soundly asleep and not receptive to being woken? Chuck cold water on him? Carry him?

OP has said that her DH said he tried and she wasn't having it. If he'd manhandled her to bed, posters would be crying abuse.

Omg dramatic 🤣
That's hypothetical, there wasn't a fire was there?
He left her to sleep on her own sofa in her own house, after trying to wake her up.
How on earth people think this is unkind is beyond comprehension

My Mum does this and we try to get her up and she becomes real nasty half awake half asleep. She will wake up eyes barely open whining that we are mean and horrid and to leave her alone. After a few tries we leave her alone. The next day she doesnt atop moaning as she woke up at 2am and couldn't get to sleep in her bed. You can't win.
So maybe you are very difficult to wake up.
But saying that he could have tidied up and turned off the lights.

It is a non issue and you are annoyed for other stuff related to : not listening, not caring enough to make some changes.

i am guessing..

I get v grumpy if anyone tries to rouse me when I’m fast asleep, so my DH leaves me to it if I fall asleep on the couch. He does chuck a blanket over me though.

I think the difference is that if he falls asleep I either immediately say let’s go up to bed or if he’s been asleep a while I gently wake him and say do you want to come up? I also have said before you can stay down here if you like.

YANBU OP, I’d stop waking him up from now on, see how he likes it.

I still don’t understand why he left the dinner dishes if he knows you don’t like coming down to mess in the morning?

I had this with an aunt who stayed with us (at my mum and dad’s) for a few months. We used to stay up late in the summer and watch TV. She left me asleep downstairs but took her own teens upstairs to bed. She knew I didn’t like to be alone downstairs at night.

I agree too

You’re Not being unreasonable.He knew, you’d have an uncomfortable night on the sofa, but just took himself off to bed.I know what you’re saying, if you fall asleep on the sofa, you just don’t feel like you’ve slept.

Genuinely can’t believe that half the people on this thread believe that an adult should be treated like a toddler and taken upstairs to bed.. absolutely ridiculous.

He's quite happy to sleep on the sofa - OP has said so several times.

He probably left the dishes because he was shattered too and didn't think it would cause so much upset? It really doesn't matter that they're left overnight occasionally

Er no, it’s not treating someone as a toddler, it’s just showing consideration.If it’s absolutely ridiculous, why read the thread.

So he said.

As I am in shock of how so many people expect their spouse to baby them. If an adult is sleeping soundly on the sofa then no point in disturbing them. If it were DH or DD I’d simply put a blanket over them and leave them to it - neither I nor them would be particularly pleased at being woken for no reason. If you’re someone who can’t cope with a night on the sofa then the very simple solution is don’t fall asleep on it and go to bed when you’re tired.

If you’d said, to say your partner, your neck, back, hurts, the next day, if you fall asleep on the sofa, do me a favour wake me up, because you’d miss out on a nights sleep too.Does that really take much effort for him to do this, yes he doesn’t have to, but it would be appreciated. That’s what l got from, this thread, l personally don’t think OP is being unreasonable.When you’re in a relationship, that’s just what you do for one another.You do things, that you wouldn’t ask of anyone else.

Completely agree with this 🩷

And no, it’s not treating an adult like a toddler, it’s called caring and consideration!

Id at least turn the lights off, and clear everything away…

I wouldn’t like to be married to most of you lot on here, you sound so bloody miserable and likely in unhappy marriages!!