He left me asleep

[GoldieLocks09]

DH and I tend to watch TV most nights when the DC are in bed. Sometimes one of us ends up close to falling asleep on the sofa, I’m pretty good at being like RIGHT, let’s go to bed if I feel myself or notice him dropping off.

DH has expressed that he loves a sofa nap, whereas I have explicitly said I hate them, I wake up in pain in my neck / back / whatever. And often struggle to get back to sleep when I go to actual bed so spend a few hours trying to do so getting more annoyed wishing I hadn’t had the sofa nap. On the very odd occasion I’ve woken up in the early hours on the sofa I feel rubbish the next day because the sleep I get on the sofa never feels like that many hours of sleep in bed.

Last night I had 2 glasses of wine at DS4’s friends birthday party. Also had a particularly busy week at work. By the time we got home both DS’s went straight to bed (luckily decent party food they both had quite a bit of). I’d done a slow cooker dinner which was fairly carb heavy, we ate that and I didn’t last long on the sofa, fell asleep pretty quickly.

DH says he did ‘try’ to wake me. But I then woke up at 4am, with a stiff neck, a full face of make up on, most lights on downstairs, dinner not tidied away, alone. I was pissed off and think he should have done more to try to get me to come up to bed.

AIBU to think this?

Maybe don't drink if you're exhausted

Yabu you fell asleep on the sofa if you were tired then you should have gone to bed it's not his fault.

Sounds controlling to insist it's his fault that he leaves you sleeping on the sofa

Maybe she told him she was coming up to bed so he left her to sort herself out - that happens a lot in our house.

DH will doze off, I'll go up to bed as normal and ask if he's coming - he'll mutter that he is so I'll leave him to it - only to wake up several hours later to realise he's still on the sofa with all the lights on 🤷‍♀️

I think the difference is that if he falls asleep I either immediately say let’s go up to bed or if he’s been asleep a while I gently wake him

Oh the flip side of this, couldn't he complain that "I've told my wife numerous times I enjoy a nap on the couch and she always wakes me when she sees me drifting off"... 😅 I get it OP. You've woken up today tired and cranky after a poor sleep. But I wouldn't be annoyed at him. If he had started banging around with the dishes and stuff while I was asleep I probably would've killed him 🙈

This basically!

i understand not being able to wake you but turning off the lights & the TV and covering you over is just basic niceness to someone you’re meant to love & care about

kitchen could definitely wait till the morning

Sorry, but you're a grown-up.

You are an adult…

I think that if he'd tidied up, you likely would have woken up...2 birds, 1 stone.

Take responsibility for your own actions. You are an adult.

This⬆is the answer. It's ok to tidy up in the morning sometimes. DH was probably tired and didn't think about it. Turning off the lights would have been kind.

He's not your parent. Go to bed if you're tired.

Threads like this make me glad to be single. What is the point of having a husband if he shows no care towards you? If you're supposed to still do everything for yourself and nothing for each other? It sounds miserable.

OP, I think he should have either woken you, or got you a blanket and turned the lights off so at least you were more comfortable. You would have done that for him, why shouldn't you get the same love and care?

Well you know what to do next time he falls asleep on the settee. Leave him there and tell him you couldn’t wake him.

If it's anything like our house, she'll have told him he was coming up in a minute, but then dozed back off without him realising.

He probably left the lights on and didn't bother with a blanket because he thought she'd be up in a minute 🤷‍♀️

He said he tried to wake you. It's a non issue.

Maybe take responsibility for yourself. You drink then nod off. That's on you.

It's a but me, me, me here.
You're an adult it's nobody's responsibility to watch out when or how you fall asleep. Don't fall asleep on the sofa if you find it uncomfortable. It's not difficult at all.
You don't like waking up to a messy kitchen. I dislike this a lot too. But, sometimes, you need to be a bit more flexible and realise that it really doesn't matter on the odd occasion. You were both tired and didn't deal with the mess before going to bed on one occasion. So what?
Maybe you see these things as DH failing to show his care towards you. It probably isn't. The guy was probably as tired as you were and went to sleep.
The only one thing I find careless is leaving lights on, he should have left some low level lighting on for you but not all the lights.

DH often falls asleep on the sofa and I occasionally do. I really struggle to sleep so I always think if I'm asleep, wherever, I should be left to it and not disturbed. Therefore I assume it's also better not to disturb DH. Maybe he wanted to let you rest. He should have tidied up though.

Some of the replies on here are hilarious! "At least get you a blanket",(here in the SE UK,it's been mid to high 20s, 16c plus overnight. I worked nights for over 30 years before retirement, I've got every sleep help book under the sun, I've thrown money at it. I fall asleep watching TV, sitting bolt upright,no alcohol or heavy meal. Usually around 15 minutes,at a time. Have tried leaving all the lights on....that doesn't keep me awake. DH does it as well. We don't wake eachother up. Doors are already locked, kitchen is tidied,it's open plan to the living room, I couldn't stand to leave it. If I force myself to stay awake (maybe take the dogs out late) I'm wide awake and unable to get to sleep..

I sometimes read threads here and pose them to DH for discussion. We agreed that as I'm a light sleeper, and once awake am unlikely to be able to go back to sleep, so he would do something to show he cares, like put a blanket on me, but he would leave me to sleep. However, he's a really good sleeper, so I wouldn't hesitant to wake him. It's interesting that we both think leaving a person in the sofa feels a little mean. Leaving the lights on and the kitchen undone is even more mean.

It doesn't bear thinking about!
clutches pearls

DH would normally wake me up, depends on how deep a sleep it is. But he would turn off the lights and cover me with a blanket if I couldn't be moved. It doesn't bother me, quite happy to have a sofa snooze and I'd probably be more pissed off at being woken up.

I agree with this.

I wake pretty easily, so if DH tried and I couldn't be woken, he'd leave me be because I'm clearly very deep in sleep. It's not his fault if I won't wake up enough to move location.

He would turn the lights off.

If we were both knackered enough to have fallen asleep on the sofa I wouldn't expect him to clear up dinner stuff anymore than he'd expect it of me. I prefer those things done before bed but no one is going to die if it's Saturday morning.

It doesn't sound like anything to be majorly upset about TBH.

If he tried to wake you and couldn't die to you being tired /having drunk and full belly then not his fault

But yes could have put stuff in dw

If not dw - make space and lose a cupboard 😂 and get one

Hate coming down to a dirty kitchen so it's always put in dw and turned on so can unpack next am

And lights off as wastes money