He left me asleep

[GoldieLocks09]

DH and I tend to watch TV most nights when the DC are in bed. Sometimes one of us ends up close to falling asleep on the sofa, I’m pretty good at being like RIGHT, let’s go to bed if I feel myself or notice him dropping off.

DH has expressed that he loves a sofa nap, whereas I have explicitly said I hate them, I wake up in pain in my neck / back / whatever. And often struggle to get back to sleep when I go to actual bed so spend a few hours trying to do so getting more annoyed wishing I hadn’t had the sofa nap. On the very odd occasion I’ve woken up in the early hours on the sofa I feel rubbish the next day because the sleep I get on the sofa never feels like that many hours of sleep in bed.

Last night I had 2 glasses of wine at DS4’s friends birthday party. Also had a particularly busy week at work. By the time we got home both DS’s went straight to bed (luckily decent party food they both had quite a bit of). I’d done a slow cooker dinner which was fairly carb heavy, we ate that and I didn’t last long on the sofa, fell asleep pretty quickly.

DH says he did ‘try’ to wake me. But I then woke up at 4am, with a stiff neck, a full face of make up on, most lights on downstairs, dinner not tidied away, alone. I was pissed off and think he should have done more to try to get me to come up to bed.

AIBU to think this?

I fall asleep on the sofa sometimes and I hate it for the same reasons as you. My husband has to work hard to get me awake and upstairs. On the few occasions I've woken at 3am I've come up a bit annoyed but then realised he's probably done his best and I'm a grown up at the end of the day so it's up to me to get myself to bed.
Certainly not annoyed enough to post on a forum about it.
And your husband doesn't mind sleeping on sofa so isn't going to understand why you're as wound up as you are.

Or maybe you are both just too knackered to think or these little things after a tiring week?

Sorry OP but I think you need to get a grip a bit. It's such a non issue. You were both shattered and a dirty kitchen the night before isn't the end of the world.

It's almost as if some people are different to you and would prefer at least a blanket over them.... Individual differences between humans. Who'd have thought... 😬

Leaving the lights on and the kitchen undone is even more mean

Yes, he definitely should have done all of the tidying up on his own whilst the OP had a nice sleep - even if he was just as tired himself. 🙄
And if he had turned the lights off, the title would have been 'He left me asleep - IN THE DARK'

Leaving the lights on and the kitchen undone is even more mean

Why, maybe he was tired too?

It’s the fact that he didn’t tidy up and left the lights on that would annoy me, tbh!

I don't get why he's expected to have tidied the kitchen - if he's often as tired as you say then isn't it reasonable that he was too tired to do it in the same way you were. Sounds likely that he fell asleep too.

Of all the things to get worked up over, this isn't the one.

The OP didn’t tidy up either, she was asleep. Maybe he was equally as exhausted? Maybe he fell asleep on the sofa too, woke up and dragged himself off up to bed?

If I did fall asleep on the sofa I wouldn’t actually want to wake up downstairs with all the lights off.

Trying to wake someone who’s asleep particularly after a drink & get them to move can be pretty difficult.

It's unkind because nobody gets a good sleep on the sofa and I want my DH to be comfortable and sleep well as he does me. It's not being each other's mothers to care for each other and be thoughtful.

If I was absolutely blotto from a good night out and not in any fit state, then yeah I would like to think my hubby would look out for me and help get me to bed. But a couple of glasses a wine and a carby meal does not really warrant the other half to babysit me. Im afraid the responsibility lies on you here. If you are feeling sleepy, then put the dishes at least in soak, and head on to bed.

@GuestFeatu so should he physically have moved her?

The OP said herself that if she falls asleep on the sofa then goes up to bed, she lies awake for hours and can’t get back to sleep. Maybe on balance the DH thought he was better off leaving her to sleep so that she didn’t go upstairs and lie awake for ages?

@GuestFeatu I guess we have very different definitions of what it means to be unkind.

OP says herself she doesn't like sleeping on the sofa and that her husband tried to wake her (but failed). I wonder if she stirred, said she was coming up but just didn't move and ended up drifting back off, which is why all the lights etc. were on as he thought she was right behind him.

If I'd fallen asleep on the sofa I'd just want to be left alone.

2 large glasses of wine is 2/3 of a bottle. Nurse, we have a PAFA (pissed and fell asleep).

Sometimes my DH nods off whilst watching TV & I will say right up to bed or if I’ve gone up before him, I might go down just before I get into bed but there’s only so much nagging you can do & sometimes I’ve got into bed with the intention of getting him but fallen asleep. Because in real life stuff like this happens …

You’re an adult. You’re responsible for getting yourself to bed. And why should he tidy up just because you’re not capable? Acceptable to leave it to the next day imo. And he probably left the light on so you’d be able to see when you woke up.

If you are super tired then go to bed. You are an adult. It's your responsibility where you fall asleep

The op had two glasses of wine, you’d have to be the ultimate lightweight to be drunk on that. And considering the op was drinking at a preschooler party, I don’t think she’s the ‘small cherry at Christmas’ type.

Im in two minds about the waking. Sometimes you just crash, and I’d not want to leave someone on the sofa over a comfy bed. But I also get not being someone else’s responsibility to get you to bed to start with. He could have done one or two jobs before bed as well. It does read like he was only thinking of his own needs.

I’m pretty good at being like RIGHT, let’s go to bed if I feel myself or notice him dropping off

Missing the point a bit, but if you're dropping off he has to go to bed too?

And why should he tidy up just because you’re not capable?

Because it’s his house/mess/job just as much as it’s the OPs? Can’t believe someone really would ask why a man should tidy because his wifemaid fell asleep…

I never fall asleep on the sofa, i just go to bed when tired, surely its your responsibility

Me too! I can’t bear it and if the person starts snoring, they’re on their own 😂

If you have a tendency to fall asleep, then that's on you to go to bed. He is not your dad . He could have cleaned up, but if he's tired, also I get that . It's not a big deal.