He left me asleep

[GoldieLocks09]

DH and I tend to watch TV most nights when the DC are in bed. Sometimes one of us ends up close to falling asleep on the sofa, I’m pretty good at being like RIGHT, let’s go to bed if I feel myself or notice him dropping off.

DH has expressed that he loves a sofa nap, whereas I have explicitly said I hate them, I wake up in pain in my neck / back / whatever. And often struggle to get back to sleep when I go to actual bed so spend a few hours trying to do so getting more annoyed wishing I hadn’t had the sofa nap. On the very odd occasion I’ve woken up in the early hours on the sofa I feel rubbish the next day because the sleep I get on the sofa never feels like that many hours of sleep in bed.

Last night I had 2 glasses of wine at DS4’s friends birthday party. Also had a particularly busy week at work. By the time we got home both DS’s went straight to bed (luckily decent party food they both had quite a bit of). I’d done a slow cooker dinner which was fairly carb heavy, we ate that and I didn’t last long on the sofa, fell asleep pretty quickly.

DH says he did ‘try’ to wake me. But I then woke up at 4am, with a stiff neck, a full face of make up on, most lights on downstairs, dinner not tidied away, alone. I was pissed off and think he should have done more to try to get me to come up to bed.

AIBU to think this?

Has he washed and cleaned up now?

I'm just baffled he couldn't put a few dishes into the dishwasher after you sorted dinner for everyone and flip a few light switches on the way up to bed himself, just left it all for you to sort. You're both wiped, but he gets a pass?

I wake up early with youngest DS, DS4 generally wakes up DH an hour or so later and they come downstairs. As I was up earliest I did it, however let’s not bash him for that - USUALLY if it needs doing whoever is there does it. Hence why I’ve done it this morning.

@LostTheMarble I have never fallen asleep on the sofa but as I said upthread if I did I wouldn’t want to wake in the pitch black.

I have fallen asleep in bed with my make up on & lights on but it’s not my DHs fault. I wouldn’t expect him to remove my make up or wake me up.

If I or DH left dishes overnight it really would not cause me any angst. DH cooked last night but I went to bed early and he’s up while I’m dicking about on MNs eating breakfast (he cooked) in bed & he’s loading the dishwasher. I suppose he should hate me!

If I woke up like the OP, I would have grumbled at myself, turned the lights off & went up to bed. It’s really not a big deal.

Maybe if left the lights on as he thought the OP might follow him up?

Leave you, sort out mess in the morning.

I don't see the issue.

So he knew you’d eventually wake on the sofa, uncomfortable. He knew you’d have to get up at 6am with the youngest, and he knew you’d sort the dishes out for getting up first. And you usually are the one to get up first because he gets woken up later.

Im sure many posters will still be desperate to say he’s done nothing wrong, but sounds to me like he knew exactly what he was doing.

Or perhaps he just forgot to turn the lights off? But probably more likely he’s a selfish cretin who despises the OP and expects her to be his maid 🤔

Im sure many posters will still be desperate to say he’s done nothing wrong, but sounds to me like he knew exactly what he was doing.

There it is! 😆😆😆

a full face of make up on, most lights on downstairs, dinner not tidied away, alone.

It's your own responsibility to clean your face.
Yes he should have turned the lights off.
When you say dinner not tidied away I'm not sure what you mean but if he hadn't bothered putting the plates in the kitchen then yeah he should have done that.
Alone. And?

All of this

@BobbyDazzler11

of vourse he could. She's TOLD him she doesn't want to be left sleeping on the sofa. He simply needs to do as asked. Easy win

There's nothing worse than waking up a drunk person asleep on the sofa. YABU

I think this was the point, we’ve discussed it before..

My DH gets a great night's sleep on the sofa. He can snore away happily

Drunk? After 2 glasses of wine at a party with 4yr olds (which were nursed from 3.30pm-7pm), followed by a carb heavy dinner.

I can imagine I'd be annoyed with DH too for not tidying up but maybe he was just as tired as you and also just wanted to get in bed? Sometimes I know both DH and I feel like that.

Yeah you’re right. It’s quite a laugh that the op had a shit night sleep, had to get up first and sort out the mess from the night before when her supposed partner could have helped/sorted with one of those things. Definitely not in any way reflective of her husband at all though.

But he says he tried and failed. I'm not sure it's fair to bash him for that.

How long is he expected to try and wake you? If you'd stirred but dozed back off, would he be responsible for going back down to check on you, for example?

At the end of the day, if you don't like waking up on the sofa, don't fall asleep on the sofa.

It is the MN favourite word for just about every situation

I assume most don't ever express an opinion or make a request of anyone, just in case they're accused of that particular crime.

If she didn't want a shit night sleep, she shouldn't have laid down on the sofa and let herself doze off.

Or is he responsible for that as well?

And he tried to wake you up. What's he meant to do? Shake you awake??

Having read your responses, you both sound like reasonable people and I’m sure you’ll forget about it and get on with your day ☺️.

I don’t think the posters saying he’s mean and should have done everything it takes to wake you know what it’s like to have to try to wake a sleeping person from the sofa especially after a few drinks! DH does this all the time after a few drinks on a Friday night. I do try to wake him, but he just grumbles at me and carries on sleeping. It’s so annoying! Even shouting doesn’t work. He’s a 6ft, 13 stone man and I’m an 5’4, 8 stone woman so I can hardly carry him to bed!

An airhorn perhaps?

Again, it’s not just the one thing. It’s the collective of it. Falling asleep on the sofa, it happens and just because the op gets her husband to wake up and go to bed when he does it, it’s not always something you can expect to be done in kind.

Leaving a light on and knowing the op would wake up uncomfortable, that’s not great but again, understandable self responsibility.

Going to bed knowing you won’t be getting up first and leaving the mess from last night, knowing your partner will wake up to it already grumpy? It’s really crossing the line to rightfully irritated putting it all together.