Christmas hosting

[Lifethroughlenses]

We do alternate Christmases with DH’s and my family. This year it’s DH’s family. The expectation is that we will host for three days or so as we have the biggest house. Having said that, we can only fit in DH’s brother/wife and kids. The MIL and FIL plus an aunt will have to stay in a hotel.

But, I just don’t want to. When we hosted two years ago it was an expensive and exhausting exercise. Three days of catering and washing up non stop. I didn’t spend quality time with the kids because I was making endless cups of tea. I’m likely working until lunchtime Xmas eve and my work is really stressful in that period. My DH does help but it’s the usual thing of the mental load being on me and I will be the one sorting the peripheral stockings, gifts, decorations etc.

It’s difficult to delegate. BIL doesn’t drive so v limited on what they can bring. Aunt lives abroad so can’t really contribute.

I had suggested booking a cottage or going out for lunch but MIL doesn’t want to. I’m torn between thinking I should just suck it up again and thinking that it’s my Christmas too and it’s not much fun! So AIBU in not wanting to host?

Yes, agree with others. Hosting multiple days is too much. Suggest swapping to one Christmas meet up at a mid-way location at some point over the holiday season.

The person who does the most work gets to make the decisions - and that would be you. When the rest of the family rallies round and contributes equally, then you can have a democratic discussion - until then, your house, your rules.

Channel your inner Phoebe Buffay and say " I would love to help ..but I don;t want to !"
Be selfish have the christmas you want, they will cope they will have to!

If you're going to not host then I think you need to let them know sooner rather than later - it gives them plenty of time to sort themselves out.
Bil shouldn't get a total pass just because he's divorced and has kids - he's their parent and it's his job to provide Christmas, not yours!
I think mil just needs the unfairness drawn to her attention if there's any kick back on not hosting this year.

@Whatinthedoopla They didn’t host us last year, we went to my family’s.

Agreed BIl shouldn't get a pass on hosting ever. Even if it means eating dinner out and just having the chill out but at his and doing tea in the late afternoon. Defo should be a rotation between all 3 of you to host so that then your only hosting 4 yearly.