Why do the hens have to pay for the bride?

[Laurendelaney1987]

DH and I married young. My hen night was a curry and then night out in local nightclub.

the last 15 years I’ve went to a mix of hen dos. What I notice is sometimes the bride wanting a big deal of a hen do (ie weekend away in a UK or European city) but it’s to be a “surprise” location (ie the bridesmaids organise and the guests end up chipping in for the prices costs)

what was wrong with just a local night out?

Each to their own I suppose, different people like different things. Maybe its todays younger generation that like to go mad and a bit OTT. Personally I prefer something simple, a gathering of friends for a curry and a good night out is absolutely fine by me.

Omg this is a great topic.

I was married 2006 and my late husband (RIP) planned me a hen doo in the garden as I'd moved to his hometown.

He invited women I knew friends who became my friends made a vegetarian bbq and brought ingredients for cocktails and put fairy lights in the garden and got party hats and moved the tv and PlayStation to the garden for karaoke. Even hot a hat for the kitten.

Then he went with the lads to the pub we had fun then they came back for a second bbq and kareoke session.

I woke in the garden in the July 2006 heatwave to radiohead ok computer on repeat wrapped in a quilt. And friends sleeping all over the house.

Best best ever and believe it cost £50 and 15 people ate and drank for that... never had such a good night since and thank you for the thread made me smile thinking how much he loved me.

It's all gone mad. It's getting to the point where it's quite elitist. If you can't afford the overseas hen do AND paying for the bride, you shouldn't be made to feel like shite or the poor relation.

In with you OP, I married in 2021 am a millennial and I'm the only person I know who just did drinks at mine (silly drinking games) followed by bar. I didn't want pressure for my hens to spend money and wanted to keep it simple. Had the best time ever. Lots of my friends have had weekends away that end up costing everyone £300+ I just don't get it. What's wrong with drinking at a hens house then night out???

Mine was a TGIs with cocktails followed by a roller disco and some dancing! It was a much simpler time (back in 2010!)

I’ve been on lots of different types of hen do, never paid for the bride though. If you don’t want to go just say no. I never get the big deal made on here tbh

i have my hen do in 6 weeks time. I’m going a local karaoke bar in the evening. Then the oldies and a few family friends who have their kids are doing pottery painting at a farm the next day. I’m paying and organising myself. I’ve said people are welcome over for pizza beforehand if they want but warned it’ll be dominos as cba to cook in case they don’t wanna pay for it. It’s £25 per person for either one, drinks on top (both include two each) are average priced.

my partners stag is paintball and some VR thing. He was going to do more low key but his best man arranged it which was really lovely so why not!

It’s ridiculous isn’t it. I dont entertain that stuff (over the top hen do’s)- when I get invited I say I’m unavailable.

That sounds brilliant! I'm so sorry that you've lost your husband.

What a lovely memory!

Omg he sounds the best. 🥺 I'm so sorry for your loss.

This sounds fabulous, I'm so sorry to hear that you've been widowed so young. The way your husband organised this speaks volumes about your relationship.

THERE WAS A HAT FOR THE KITTEN

There is never going to be a better sentence used on a hen do thread. Never.

YANBU but people entertain it so 🤷‍♂️

I've never accepted a hen do invitation abroad because they're just not my sort of thing.

Luckily I don't know many brides to be who thought it was their thing either.

Happy memories of going to a restaurant and then on to a pub or club, and we all chipped in and paid for the bride.

I've got the opposite problem! My BM wants to make it some elaborate long weekend thing and I just want a simple day, one thing really and that's it.

I don't want to put the expense on everyone.. and also these things aren't really my idea of a good time or how I'd actually want to spend my weekend.

Sometimes it feels more about trying to impress a group of people (and one up previous hen weekends) than just to do something the bride would enjoy. That's my experience anyway. I absolutely hate a fuss!

Also, my almost 80 year old friend was invited abroad for her grandaughter's hen do.

Not only was she expected to chip in and pay for her GD's 5 day holiday, but they were all told they had to wear certain coloured clothing on certain days 😳

She went along with it rather than be the only one who didn't, and ended up buying a whole new wardrobe on top of the cost of the trip.

The worst is when it's not even abroad and it costs a million pounds, like those bloody cottage ideas.

No I'm not paying £500 a night myself for the worst bedroom in a shared cottage in the rain in the middle of nowhere, and you're also expecting me to bring a group meal to reheat? On the train? For 10 people?

why do the hens have to pay for the bride?

Well, they don't.

As the first few replies have shown, it isn't a given.
Some people want to go abroad for a weekend, but others don't.
Some prefer a night out.
Some prefer an afternoon tea
Some prefer a weekend away in the UK.

Whatever the hen do, people arrange them differently. For example, some brides arrange them, sometimes the bridesmaids do. Sometime it is what the bride asks for, sometimes it is more of a surprise.
I'm another one who has never been asked to pay for the bride on a hen do.

Probably the loveliest post I’ve ever seen on here. So sorry for your loss, your husband sounded like the best

Yup - we had a dance lesson then a party at my house where I provided all the food.

Cost less than £30 each and I absolutely paid my own costs.

Lots of brides seem to suffer from superstar syndrome.

It’s all the bloody falling outs if you won’t want to go (especially when you are the matron of honour who can think of nothing worse than a hen weekend)

What a lovely, lovely man. Thank you for describing for us your wonderful hen night