Why do the hens have to pay for the bride?

[Laurendelaney1987]

DH and I married young. My hen night was a curry and then night out in local nightclub.

the last 15 years I’ve went to a mix of hen dos. What I notice is sometimes the bride wanting a big deal of a hen do (ie weekend away in a UK or European city) but it’s to be a “surprise” location (ie the bridesmaids organise and the guests end up chipping in for the prices costs)

what was wrong with just a local night out?

I suspect it’s the Instagram generation, everything has to be on social media, all ‘Look at me” and posting umpteen photos 🙄
It’s a ridiculous trend in my opinion (old fogey here!)

Things that mystify me about this topic:

1. What is the purpose of a 'hen night'?

1. Why would anyone want to be referred to as a 'hen'?!

I tend to agree, if there's no particular connection to the destination.

I've been invited to weddings in various countries because one or both of the couple are either from there or live there, regardless of where they actually live. No problem with that. Our wedding was 'abroad' for DH's family since we don't live in his home country.

People just sticking a pin in a map and expecting 100% of their guests to travel there is something of a piss take though.

Alan Carr said that stag nights are also bloody ridiculous.
He said the last one he went to, he got a BTEC certificate for hairdressing.

It's for other people's Instagram twaddle, usually.

😂

A little while ago, the young women in my hairdressers were discussing someone's hen do. It was in Dubai! Some of these young women aren't exactly high earners, it did puzzle me.

Especially the kitten's hat! 🎩 🧢 👒

My mum got married in 1975, and she distinctly remembers dancing to The Hustle at her hen night!

The Hustle was brilliant! Sounds like a great night.

With my own hen night, i was in bed by 10:30!

See I think it’s a generation who have regularly holidayed with their friends, not just family.

my mum (now in a care home) has gone her entire life only ever having a holiday (both uk and abroad) with her parents and then her dh. She never had so much as a uk city break with her friends.

for my generation, weekends away with friends was much more normal, I still have regular uk trips away with friends. women younger than me (I’m mid40s) do seem to have bigger holidays with friends pre-dcs.

if you go abroad once or twice a year with friends anyway, doesn’t seem that much of an extension to do that for hen do.

But if holidaying with friends isn’t something you’d do, then I can see it would seem excessive /strange.

I think you're right, @FancyBiscuitsLevel - obviously it's having the money as well. Plus the cheap flights syndrome.

@IsoldeWagner - definitely the money too! Suppose having dcs later helps with that. (my credit card bill this month that includes buying new school uniform for 2 teens who’ve grown and needed everything buying new at the end of August - i could have had a lovely holiday with all that!)

See I think it’s a generation who have regularly holidayed with their friends, not just family.

^^
Exactly this. I'm in my early 40's and myself and my friend group have always had several weekends away each year. So for a hen weekend, it's just changing one of those and doing the hen instead. No extra cost to what we'd already be spending and everyone always wants to go. If that's not the culture in your friend group then I can see it would seem unusual.

Yes, exactly. Whereas my mother (aged 79) has never in her life gone on holiday with anyone other than her husband and children, and that was an annual caravan holiday within a couple of hours drive of home. She only got a passport and on a plane for the first time when I moved overseas, and she just doesn’t like being away.

ah @12daysofchristmas12 I think this future wedding needs a thread all of its own! £1500 down payment? for just the Hen do?

My eyes are on stalks as to the cost of the wedding itself!! 😂

My friend & I worked out we hadn't been invited to the hen do of a mutual friend when we saw photos of it on FB. We were then regaled with hilarious excuses about what the evening out was & why each of the women in the photos were invited. None of which added up. No one likes to be left out, but we consoled ourselves with the fact that we'd saved a few bob! We were invited to the wedding, wedding breakfast & evening Ceilidh & had a lovely time there, so win win.

I was invited to a location hen do abroad. The head bridesmaid was arranging it & sent a message in the chat group asking that we all chip in £100 each towards the brides holiday 'as wedding aren't cheap so we'll be paying for her'. There were 25 of us invited! not sure how the expected £2500 was going to be spent as the total trip per person was just under £500. Needless to say I opted out of the trip as like she said 'wedding aren't cheap' that's true for wedding guests to. Outfits, Hair & Make up, Accommodation, Travel, Gifts etc. It all adds up so why we were expected to cover the cost of the brides hen do costs was expecting a bit too much at that level.

Yes this!! I've been to three in the last couple of years and would rather have gone to Lisbon/Ibiza than bloody cardiff or some random town on the south coast i don't even remember what it was called.

That said, I do think the hen should pay for herself regardless of the location or activities. I can't believe how expensive it turns out to be, to do a mediocre activity with a group of people you may or may not know/be friends with depending on the bride. The least she can do is cover her own costs.

Mine was one night out in London (where we were based and most of the attendees were too). Drinks, dinner, karaoke, club. 4pm-1am. My mum put money behind the bar for the karaoke, I got some proseccos in at the pub, and I think for most people it cost around £65, excluding travel.

Aw, that's bloody lovely 🌹

There's still no need for drama, either way.

I've never been in a situation where I've fallen out with anyone over a hen do and I'm in my mid-thirties.

If I don't want to go I just say sorry, not this time thanks.

If they want to make drama over that then I leave them to it and walk away (although it's never actually happened because my circles aren't like that).

You just need to care less!

This could quite possibly be the nicest post I've ever read on Mumsnet.

Love @Widowedyoung83 ’s story! Yes, OP, just been stung this week…. started off at £130 for accommodation and travel (to nearby city) within 5 days we are up at £210 and still climbing… party bus, hen do plastic tat, better hotel, some activity or other…not even got to the paying for the hen bit…and jeez the What’s App (mute, mute, mute!)