Do you care what your Partner does for a Living?

[Aquarius1234]

Do you or would you care what your partner / boyfriend/ girlfriend does for a living?

I don't and I'm in late 30s. I probably was judgemental in 20s. For no reason, just false assumption, like thinking trades people earnt low money, which isn't true.

Another example, someone might be embarrassed if their boyfriend was a bin man or bus driver.

Once you have the initial conversation s out the way, I don't think it matters at all.
It's not like your going to work with them.
(If you are that's another conversation)

Don’t you just go and ‘hit’ someone he dislikes (check Facebook for clues) and then claim the hit and you get the job?

No. Only care if they’re a nice, good and emotionally intelligent person.

Only tonthe point of not wanting to bankroll another person, or to have to struggle because someone was earning a lot less than me ( and I don't earn a lot, but have a graduate salary). It's fine to say ' Oh I don't care' when you are young and in the first flush of love but more difficult when you have a mortgage, kids and bills to pay, and you coukd have afforded a nice holiday, but you've had to bankroll another adult for 20 years.

Yes I do care. I’m an academic so educated to PhD level and I couldn’t date a guy who works in retail and doesn’t have a degree. Not really arsed if that sounds snobby, I’ve worked hard and could only date someone who has done the same.

DH doesn’t have a PhD but he has two masters degrees and we have a similar level of intellect in different areas. He earns more than me but I was never going to earn mega bucks in HE. It’s important to me that our future goals and aspirations align.

Of course it matters! I'm in my 30s, with a decent career and financially secure, so I wouldn't want to date someone who hadn't got their shit together. I'm not supporting a grown adult. I also like good food, lots of travel so it would be important to me they earn enough to pay for their 'half'. From past experience I wouldn't date someone in the army again.

I wouldn’t want to be with someone who didn’t have enough drive to want a decent life for himself and his family. I think ambition is really important.

I agree with this wholeheartedly.

It’s interesting the number of people who wouldn’t date someone in the military. DH is ex military and I’m a classic “man in uniform” person. That said I agree there are many very good valid reasons not to get involved with people in the forces.

I need to have respect for someone - views, goals, ambitions etc. Also need someone to have similar interests. To echo an earlier poster I’d find someone without drive/ambition deeply unattractive. DH and I earn similar amounts although at times it’s varied.

It depends. I went out with a journalist for a few weeks, the old fashioned muck-raking type, and some of their tactics and practices were completely unethical and distasteful. I dumped him pretty quickly.

And some work leads people to be spectacularly arrogant and rude to others, which I also find embarrassing.

But generally no, the job doesn't matter. The person and their education and personality count for more.

I wouldn't go near anyone in the police and would be very wary of someone who worked for a tobacco company or arms manufacturer. Other than that I only care if someone is a match for me intellectually. Job can help indicate that but not always. My bf does a low paid caring job and that was a deliberate choice he made after leaving the corporate world. I love that he made that decision. That said, I am still in the corporate world and it's helpful that he has experienced it. It's actually also helpful to me that he's not loaded because despite my high salary I'm a single parent with a big mortgage and school fees so don't have a lot of money spare for fancy dinners and holidays. I like not having to keep up with someone rich.

Yes, I care. I wouldn’t date a criminal (if you want to class that as a job) or someone who exploits people for money eg dodgy landlord, boss like Philip Green etc.

In arms etc

Yes, matters to me. Eg I really would struggle if DH decided to work for a gambling company etc or anything else I consider entirely detrimental to society (he never would, but that’s one example).

Are you high achieving. Women who hang on their partner's/husbands coattails and take on their achievement is even less attractive.

Yes of course it would.

Kind of, I wouldn’t have dated someone who did something like animal testing, slaughter house etc.

I wouldn’t be bothered because of thinking it wasn’t a “good enough” job. But there are some jobs where the lifestyle is incompatible with what I want in a relationship or the ethics would make me question what sort of man he was. For instance, I wouldn’t want to date a sex worker or a Foxton’s Estate Agent, a criminal, or anyone who traveled a lot for their job. I’d be fine with the traveling or the Foxton’s Estate Agent if it was just a one night stand (not the sex worker or criminal, though), but I wouldn’t want to date them.

Yes, I care.

I would never date someone in the army, or the police, or whose job involved working every single weekend, or nights, or who would be required to lots of travelling etc.

For me, it's nothing to do with money or whether I think some jobs are "better" but I never understood the point of being in a relationship with someone who was barely around, or whose job always took priority over everything else. It's just not for me.

As it is, DH works very hard and is self-employed in the trades, but he's got a great work/life balance and is around every evening and at weekends. It's about that balance and having time together as a couple for me, not what they actually do.

Not the job, no but the hours / shift pattern do as I want to be able to enjoy downtime with my significant other

Yes, I care.

I care about her health so if I could see it was harming her I'd encourage her to consider an alternative career path.

I also care whether her chosen career aligns with the qualities and the views we say we have.

I care that her career is one that's left at work at the end of their working day and isn't prioritised over family.

I care that together we earn enough to cover our living expenses at a minimum.

As long as it’s not something dodgy!
I couldn’t cope if someone just moaned about their job constantly without making moves to change it. I don’t care what they do but I think it should be something they enjoy or accept that they don’t enjoy it but it pays the bills.

Wouldn’t want to date a butcher or abattoir worker. Or someone who is still a porter or something like my brother who has been in the same minimum wage job since university. I want someone who wants to progress in some way. Would like someone with a skilled trade who I can put to work doing DIY. I find finance city types offputting but not sure why. Like people who are in law or law-adjacent like me as we can discuss construction disputes over dinner.

I'd care if he was a butcher or worked in an abattoir,

Everything else - don't care as long as they're happy!

I think the only thing I'd steer clear of are the guys with the "big dreams" but not a lot really going on.

I've two friends who are saddled up to these kind of guys, all now in their mid to late forties, and nothing has changed since they met them in their 20s.

They've been chasing the dream of bring aspiring artists for the whole time they've been married. Never seem to take on an even amount of responsibility for their kids, housework etc, even though their wives work 40 hours+ in demanding jobs and they seem to spend a lot of time at home "searching for inspiration."

Both of them seem to need to get out in the evening too, playing crappy guitar or crappy vocals for local bands in local pubs. So my friends tend to do all the evening responsibilities too, so their partners can be their authentic selves, whilst also supporting the entire family financially.

Yet when they talk about their partners, it's an "any day now" conversation about them that seems to keep them going.

I'm afraid I'm just too cynical to not think of them as giant piss takers. It wouldn't be for me.

Not really but they wouldn’t be my partner if they didn’t have solidwork ethics and similar morals to me. I don’t want to be worrying about money etc.I’m not arsed he doesn’t want to climb a ladder because i don’t either. The small increases in pay in our roles are not worth the added increased stress.

As it goes he is masters educated and works for local council. As we are both public sector ( NHS me) neither of us earn high wages anyway. I’m not arsed he doesn’t want to climb a ladder because i don’t either. The small increases in pay in our roles are not worth the added. We earn enough money to live and have fun that’s ok for us.