To tell Children's Services it is a malicious referal from school

[UndertheCedartree]

So DD's school have today told me they are referring us to Children's Services. Ever since I made a complaint they have been trying to off roll her. They are not putting in proper support for DD leaving her struggling and then not wanting to go in the next day. Apparently this is all my fault. I feel this is just another tactic for me to be so fed up with the school I pull her out.

That's what I meant. In terms of how school perceive, there's minor/no issues. Not at home.

I can imagine it’s very frustrating. But your post suggests that children’s documented needs are being ignored because they’re now not believed, which will just make it all worse, won’t it? Forgive me if that’s not what you’re saying.

If people don’t believe the op this is 100% a thing! They tried reporting me because my son had “trying behaviour nothing specific he’s disabled 🥴!”. Despite the numerous meetings before he started they tried to keep him on a reduced timetable!

As soon as I contacted the inclusions team at my local council to make a complaint he was in full time and that’s when they started trying to constantly ring ss.

Ss had absolutely no concerns whatsoever I allowed them to do a initial assessment best thing I ever did because they basically told my sons school straight do not ring us without genuine cause for concern and that there complaints had absolutely no substance!

I have a daughter with the same problems as my son only she’s a head banger ontop of non verbal autistic developmental delay and so now if anyone rings ss on me they have all the background of both children’s disability traits so it protects me as a parent!

However I don’t think schools should be abusing the system running to ss to use as an off rolling technique our ss required “major improvements needed!”. And if they are getting calls like this is it any wonder?! Everytime I vocalised anything to help my son they would ring ss since my assessment it doesn’t go any further than a phone call!

I strongly believe we should treat the parents (or the child themselves if they have capacity) as the primary source of information which should be taken at face value unless in extremely, extremely rare circumstances where someone who is highly and specifically qualified and seen child in several settings has credible suspicions that parents are wrong.

Why should parents be subjected to higher standards of proof than any other source? They're with children for much more time than school staff are.

I used to hear random teachers questioning official diagnoses all the time - I mean how dare they?

*edit typo

Do they now. How do you figure out in the end that they’re lying 🤔

Hi again OP. I was one of the first that commented. Appreciate now that I didn't have the full picture. But as a SW (not in children's services) and a mum to an ASD child reading the first post you sounded like one of those incredibly combative parents who can't grasp what is being discussed, doesn't understand and blames everyone but themselves.

I find it really helpful to imagine a triangle like a give way sign. Start at the top and give the most important info, and then work through the details. You started your op a long way down the triangle with talk of malicious referrals and off rolling. So if the SW comes a calling take a deep breath, explain that you are frustrated and that sometimes it's hard to get all the info over in a coherent way. Then start at the top eg DD is autistic and is struggling in school.

Good luck.

Are you still within the time frame for mediation?

And too slow to edit previous post - but I wonder if you have a local parent carer group who may be able to provide some sort of advocacy service?

Agree … and in SEN school I experienced it appeared that culture among staff is that SEN is generic - “they” all about the same .. some version of autism requiring a visual timetable and routine.

My DC rare-ish disability charity publishes a full color very short, non-technical booklet with info for educators, parents, doctors. I give one to everyone - SW, etc.

I would always ask, did you look at booklet? At least thought a SEN teacher/Head might want to learn something. no one bothered to read it - their job doesn’t require them learning to support your child specifically.
Its parents need to figure out how to work with school.

My last comment. Teacher assistant, at this school, told me I was annoying to school because I was too demanding …. staff view is that parents at school are SEN/other problems themselves and just happy to have kids out of the house. They don’t like parents who get involved. (Wish I had recorded that statement)

This is a really good point, and something that I forgot to add to my post too. You really need someone to be with you during the school and ss meetings. You could even try the church, which is what I did. I'm not ultra religious, and it wasn't about religion at all, but they were really good at just turning up for the meeting and being there (not getting involved or saying anything), so that I had backup if the school said anything that they later tried to backtrack on. It was a massive help and I do think it made the school modify their position!

That's so sad, yet very validating to read.

I'll have a look for that policy, thanks.

Oh no, your comments were very helpful, thank you

What do you do for girls like that?

Well at least support the parents to get an EHCP then!

And no, my DD isn't 'destroying the education' of anyone.

The thing is there are actually problems at school, school doesn't consider how things might impact the ASD child as they appear 'fine'.

I completely agree. We are the experts on our disabled DC and unless there is some evidence to suggest that what the parent is saying may be untrue then yes, it should be taken on face value.

That's such a kind post, thank you. And thank you for the advice about the triangle. I do find it hard to know where to start often and I realise now my OP could have been better. I think I get so worked up thinking about it that it comes out in a jumble. Starting by taking a deep breathe seems a very good idea!

I think we're beyond that now as I have put the appeal in.

Do you think mediation could help here?

There is an autism charity. I have emailed but not had a response. I think I need to make it a priority to get along to one of their drop in advice sessions.

That's appalling that noone read the booklet. I was thinking oh what a good idea - but no use if noone reads it!

And yes, it seems at this school they don't like parents involved (except when we're raising money for the PTA!) - it's completely different from her Primary. Mind you, thinking about it, I think it is the Head that doesn't like it not the other staff.

Just a small update:
DD had her friend over for a bit yesterday afternoon which cheered her up. But she's been super tired again today despite having a pretty good night's sleep. Couldn't get her in the shower but she did get changed before the school nurse came over. When she came over DD just lay on the sofa and didn't engage with her at all so she could see how depressed she was (the school nurse has met her before.) She was really nice and brought over some colouring and activities to increase E's self esteem. She left it all with me so hopefully I can do the activities with DD. She suggested a sec 19 provision run by a gardening charity that helps those with mental illness. But she said she had to ask the school and some schools were all for it and some essentially saw it as skiving off. Does the school have to agree?? But she said she would tell the school she highly recommends it for DD. She also said she'd be very surprised if Children's Services accepted the referal from the school.

Then I spoke to the Mental health specialist for children at my GP. He told me her referal to CAMHS has been accepted and it is about a 12 week wait for an appointment! He also told me that the Head at my DD's school has a reputation for being very rigid and not understanding of mental health. At least I know it's not me but so frustrating too. I asked him about a letter saying she is too unwell for school and he said he couldn't provide that as she needs a full assessment but he is putting in a letter everything we have discussed.

So I don't seem to be getting anywhere with this medical evidence and feel like school will be thinking 'well, she's obviously not that unwell if noone will provide a letter!!'

Exactly this. My dd never destroyed the education of anybody because she didn’t present in the stereotypical way as regards adhd and autism. There were kids that did make life hard for the rest and they got given a moon on a stick
along with support for their parents. I was just demonised and ignored. Want to guess which kid has spent most of her secondary education in and out of hospital and under services? Yes that would be my kid.The one with an EHCP and several diagnosis. Would have been better for all of us(and the NHS) if I’d been listened to.

Hi op. Unless there are other concerns, SS will very likely say that this is a school issue and suggest support from learning advisorsy teams, fair access or similar.
Tbh I would welcome SS supper here as it may very well highlight that school are acting unreasonably and the SW may be able to advocate for you and DD

Sometimes one wonders why do they treat families like that, all the way shouting their fake inclusivity propaganda and making horrible mess of people's lives. Do they actually know much about autism and how to help people or they make up things as they go along and if you meet a decent human being emplpyed as a SENCO, you hit the jackpot, if not, they can even ruin your life

From what I've heard (we had no issue getting an ehcp although did the full shebang to get it to an acceptable level) a lot of refusal to assess decisions are over turned. If you need to go to appeal, it can be done as a paper hearing (since all your evidence is in written reports) which will likely save time. I also believe diaries are suitable as evidence so if you're not already keeping one, start now.

Just Another thought, is changing schools an option? I live in a town with one large secondary school. A lot of kids with SEN go to a much smaller school in the next town and because they have high levels of SEN kids, they are naturally better at adjustments/support etc.