Mum drinking at pick up

[Cybertron]

After school pick up at 3.15pm a lot of us take our kids to the local park. The kids play on the playground and we sit under benches by the trees. I chat to the mums that are there and have done for a couple of years but I am not close to any of them. Today one mum was chatting to me and she reeked of booze. She told me that she had filled her water bottle with white wine and laughed saying it was the only way to get through the day. She then continued to drink the wine. Her kids are under 10. Should I say or do something or is this ok?
AIBU: leave it she deserves to unwind
YABU: drinking like that with kids is not ok

Surely the most sensible thing would be to reach out to her directly and offer help and support if needed rather than report her for something you haven't even got the full context of? Maybe she is an alcoholic and needs support but maybe she isn't. Either way I would gain context and speak to her directly.

The fact that she reeked of booze and told you she needed it to get through the day would indicate she may have an alcohol dependency problem.

So you've never drank in the day or infront of your children. ?

Do you not really see that there is a difference between what you are suggesting and what the OP has said happened? I am curious as plenty of people would perceive a social drink whilst kids are playing etc is acceptable, but there is something very different about decanting booze into a water bottle and suggesting 'it was the only way to get through the day.'

I don't understand your poll options but she is an alcoholic.

Oh, stop trying to excuse it.
Ffs!

The condition if the kids is no indicator at all. I was very well presented and both my psrents were alcoholics and neglectful and emotionally abusive.

To reek of alcohol, you're either having strong drinks or quite a bit of weak ones. Neither is okay, even of many people do it.

I'd be very concerned that many parents reeking of alcohol on the high, in the park or anywhere else.

It’s not ideal parenting but perhaps she’d had a rough week? Perhaps a close relative had died, or some other crisis etc. I’d have been looking to offer a bit of support or to dig to see what the issues was, while then keeping an eye out for her next time. As opposed to grassing up a stranger over them acting very slightly irresponsibly and making a joke during a one time encounter. Most parents with children that age will have at one point had a couple of glasses in a pub of an afternoon. This is no different whatsoever. Not everyone is so uptight about always being seen to do the acceptable thing in public.

She was clearly joking about it being the only way to get through the day if she was hiding an alcohol problem she wouldn't be saying this. You've never poured wine into a plastic bottle for a festival or concert or to the beach or to just transport it. It's not safe to take glass bottles to parks

This is how my friend realised she was an alcoholic. She was pouring rose into an 'oasis' or vimto bottle and one day her DC took a swig and outed her. It was tough but she's very well now. What a shame :(

@Cybertron as someone who had a family member that did this. It was the school that intervened and got the children and parents help. You need to let them know and leave it there. Don't wait for things to get worse. You can do it discretely and the school should respect it.

My sister never looked neglected at primary school. Clean clothes, brushed hair etc. Because I did it all. I am 8 years older and made sure her (and my) uniform was clean each day, made sure she was up, fed, washed, hair brushed and lunchbox made before school. I was 12 at this point.

Our mum was an alcoholic and maybe if someone had reported the wine decanted into a water bottle, or the smell of alcohol, or the general glazed over look at the school gate, maybe, just maybe, she'd have got some help and not been dead by 50.

Report it to the school on Monday.

If it's nothing, no harm done. But it might be something.

I think reporting to social services or starting a process with school that might be very difficult to stop is an overreaction on current information the OP has provided. The OP doesn't know this woman very well. The woman may have just been joking with her about drinking to get through the day with kids but the OP took it literally. How did the OP know it was actually wine in the bottle or just the mother pretending for a laugh expecting everyone to get the joke? "Reeking of booze" is subjective. If you don't drink yourself, people can smell strongly of alcohol after one drink. Did the mother show signs of being drunk? The OP says not.

So I think a can of worms could be opened and a family damaged based on a report by someone who just made assumptions based on little evidence. The OP probably, if she's keen to involve herself, needs a bit more information to go on.

I agree, it's better to unwind with some White Lightening 🤪

Drinking around children fine.

Drinking around children under 10 fine.

Needing alcohol to cop with the day and taking it to the park in a water bottle hints at it being more than a drink at a bbq, or in a garden whilst kids play and part of socialising.

Just speak to someone at school and say what you witnessed and what was said. As said above keep it factual.

I don’t know - I think many dads would say that with a bit of a grin/dark humour while nursing a pint in front of their kids at some social event or other, and no one would bat an eyelid.

This is mumsnet i remember reading a thread about a woman who's next door neighbour use to smoke in his own garden and she apparently couldn't sleep because her whole house stinks of it. Iv also read numerous threads where people say people need to shower 3 times a day or they stink. Stinking of alcohol is subjective

"My deciding factor would be whether her kids seemed happy and not neglected, shabby clothes etc."

And this is the problem. The easiest way to avoid getting caught is to dress your kids well. Those 2 sets of little twins that died in the fire caused by a cigarette or tea light while their mum went to Sainsburys were beautifully dressed and turned out. There were piles of human excrement all around the house.

Has every school got a special department then, for policing the behaviour of grown adults in these cash-strapped times? I had no idea. Who does that then, the teachers? They all have a bloody good gossip and then call social services or something, do they, to try to get people into trouble? ' We're just safeguarding'...you can hear that kind of woman, and their faux concern, saying that now, cant you? I find Mumsnet quite...dark, sometimes.

It all depends on context. If it’s a sunny day and she was sitting in an upmarket cafe in a beautiful park, then would anyone find it unacceptable if she had a glass of white wine? Or at a wedding reception? Or after Sunday lunch in a pub garden? It’s been a nice day today. I used to sometimes take cans of Pimms to the park with the kids. Or we’d occasionally take a hip flask on winter walks to have a nip of brandy.

But if she seems to be doing it on a regular basis, then she may well have a problem with alcohol. And if she appears inebriated, then there’s a risk she may not be in a fit state to look after the kids (I assume she wasn’t driving home). But if you don’t know her that well I wouldn’t do or say anything. Just keep an eye and see if it seems to be a pattern or if her kids appear at risk.

Was it a one off? Did you think her DC were unsafe?
A couple of glasses of wine on a sunny afternoon is hardly crime of century. But only you know whether it's a concerning pattern or not.

I would just report it, OP. And I really despair at the posts trying to excuse her.

I work in primary school. This would be unlikely to go anywhere. It would be in confidential records only to be flagged up if other issues came to light. Social services would t be involved.

"It all depends on context. If it’s a sunny day and she was sitting in an upmarket cafe in a beautiful park, then would anyone find it unacceptable if she had a glass of white wine? Or at a wedding reception? Or after Sunday lunch in a pub garden? It’s been a nice day today. I used to sometimes take cans of Pimms to the park with the kids. Or we’d occasionally take a hip flask on winter walks to have a nip of brandy."

The context is that she decanted wine into a water bottle to disguise it before the school run at 3pm and already smelt or "reeked" of alcohol.

I've decanted wine into a water bottle before...to sneak it in to a festival. Not for the bloody school run