Mum drinking at pick up

[Cybertron]

After school pick up at 3.15pm a lot of us take our kids to the local park. The kids play on the playground and we sit under benches by the trees. I chat to the mums that are there and have done for a couple of years but I am not close to any of them. Today one mum was chatting to me and she reeked of booze. She told me that she had filled her water bottle with white wine and laughed saying it was the only way to get through the day. She then continued to drink the wine. Her kids are under 10. Should I say or do something or is this ok?
AIBU: leave it she deserves to unwind
YABU: drinking like that with kids is not ok

If you was staff at a school you all have to safeguarding training every year or even more. It's a massive part of the job and takes very little effort. As staff you report to the dsl. Normally the head and that's it. It's like the law. You have no place to choose or investigate or pass judgement. It's an integral part of the job, has been for years.

Are they her friends? I got the impression they were other mums from the school run.

Surely in this case they easiest way not to "get caught" would be not to tell the OP you had wine in the first place? She hasnt been caught because she clearly wasnt trying to hide it!

The thing about safeguarding is that often small pieces come together from various different places to form a bigger picture.

One off report of mum drinking on a Friday afternoon with no other concerns? Fine

Report of mum drinking on a Friday afternoon by another parent.
Plus kids saying they were late on Tuesday because mummy wouldn't get out of bed again.
Plus the lunchtime staff highlighting that its the fourth time the kids have been sent to school with no packed lunch this term.
Plus the teacher noting that the kids are often picked up 10 minutes late.
Plus the TA noticing they're often coming in wearing dirty clothes.

Suddenly it all starts building a bigger picture.

Report to who?! I mean a heart to heart would be best you don’t know her that well, so. Yes she almost certainly has a drinking problem, but unless you can directly help then just making it someone else’s problem isn’t really going to do much except assuage your conscience. Presumably if she’s so open about it with someone she hardly knows the she has friends/family that are also going to be aware of this.

Well their meeting socially together so I would call that friends

I would absolutely report her to police if she was getting in a car, it would extremely irresponsible not to. However, you say she’s not driving, didn’t seem drunk but merry, she wasn’t hiding it. Maybe she just wanted a drink earlier in the day? Plenty mums and dads have a drink in the evening before or after kids go to bed. Maybe she’s going home to have a few more and her partner will take over from kids. I mean you don’t know because you didn’t ask? Also I reek of alcohol after one glass of wine and I can smell it off anyone too. I think it’s bonkers to report her to the school with the little information you have.

If I saw a parent turn up reaching of booze I'd go straight to the dsl and that's it. Id fill out a form factually and that's all I'd do. I have to.

It would either raise SC eyebrows or not. Beyound reporting it, that's it. There's no gossip or guessing. It's facts. That's it. Like if little Johnny came in with a black eye. I wouldn't question him. I'd just report it. As per my job

I don't think you should report her-yet. This isn't a black and white situation, if this was a one off, I would leave it alone. Loads of people drink wine on a Friday, she could just started a little earlier today after having a stressful day. She may have been joking when she says she needs it to get through the day. Imagine the awkwardness if you report her, it was a one-off and she finds out it was you. I wouldn't want to invite that drama into daily pick up, particularly if she's popular with the mums.

However if this is a recurring pattern and she and her children appear unkempt, I would consider reporting. Alternatively perhaps reach out to her and ask if she is OK. She may drink as she feels isolated as many mums do and getting to know her may give you a clearer picture of the situation.

Why does this sound like you are doing a rap battle 🤣

'It's facts'? Like a kid having a black eye? On a par, is it? Righto.

There's nothing wrong with drinking around your kids if you're not drunk. It's easy to say oh that's not normal to take it to the park well so what everyone doesn't have to think or act the same it makes no difference where it was or what time it was

They’re taking their kids to the park after school. They probably do chat to each other but it’s hardly the sort of event you bring booze to is it? So no, it’s not social drinking. She said it was to get her through the day so more likely stress drinking.

I got stopped by the police for taking my 11 year old to a park at midnight in the pandemic to look at the stars with a telescope she was like this is very unusual behaviour well so what it isnt a crime

Oh no I’m sorry poor poor woman and kids. She definitely has a drinking problem. She needs help.

Eminem?

Not really. It's not like she was at ASDA. A bit of wine in the park on a sunny afternoon is fine. Water bottles are smaller and less fragile than a wine bottle, seems sensible.

She obviously needs help and support and she has confided in you about her deletion alcohol. Did you just laugh it off?

Found the drunk mum’s account.

Unfortunately OP given you are party to this knowledge your involved now. How would you feel if anything happened to her children while drunk & you hadn't reported it to the school. You could call the school anonymously & voice your concern regarding the wine in a water bottle this mum needed to get through the day then leave it to the professionals.

If I drank alcohol at lunchtime in the middle of the working day I’d be sacked on the spot.

Drinking culture here is madness.

It could have just been a social drink on a Friday or she could have a problem. The deal with safeguarding is that if it rings an alarm bell you should report it and leave it to the professionals.

It's scary how many people think that if the children look ok then it's not an issue.

My sister was an alcoholic, she would have been like the mum's mentioned upthread with rose in the Stanley cups when shopping with the pram. When my nephew was a baby/ toddler she just liked a drink but wasn't an alcoholic. She had a drink at every 'event' and every weekend. It began to unravel really quickly and she was dead when my nephew was 8. Of course drinking in the park doesn't mean it will go that way but it's definitely a risk factor.

It isn’t ok

not sure what you can do about it. She’s very unlikely to be the only so called “functioning alcoholic” mum in your kids’ classes

I know this isn’t the point of the thread at all but this properly made me laugh. 🤣🤣

Oh and my nephew was never unkempt from the day he was born until the day my sister died. As pp have said- you can't decide whether kids are at risk based on how smart they are.

To be fair my sister only looked like an alcoholic in the last few months and to be honest people who didn't know her well wouldn't have noticed. Her hair was always perfect, she did her make up etc- she just looked a bit bloated.

Don't base your reports on how people look.