AIBU to want DH to stay with me in hospital after I’ve given birth?

[Netball01]

I’m having an ELCS in a few weeks time & we’ve been told I’ll need to stay in overnight. DH is adamant that he will go home as there
is no point both of us getting a rubbish night’s sleep. Apparently everyone he knows has left their wives over night and they’ve been fine.

AIBU to put my foot down and insist he stays with me? I’m worried that after a c section I’ll be really sore and struggle picking baby up etc and I know these days the midwives are very stretched so can’t rely on them to help all night.

Just to add as I know partners staying overnight is controversial on here - everyone has their own private room at my hospital. Which is another reason I want him to stay as they’ll be no one around to help if the nurses aren’t answering the buzzers.

Ours didn't allow partners to stay. I had ds at 1am . Dh was kicked out once all the. Checks were done. Told to come back 7am

I had private rooms with both my births (no idea how that happened). First birth we had a double bed situation and DH was encouraged to stay which was so wonderful. With the second birth my DH had to go home and I really could have done with his help. I couldn’t move and was so thirsty but because I was in a room on my own, help wasn’t very forthcoming. I would definitely encourage DH to stay if we had to do it again.

Well considering that is not the norm in NHS hospitals you would have been better specifying that in your OP

Can you not understand that for the majority of people who are in standard wards having a man overnight would be uncomfortable, hence the responses you are getting

But single room I would expect dad to stay, if he can’t cope with bad sleep on day 1 of his child’s life then it doesn’t look good for the next few years

She very clearly stated it in her OP.

She did specify it in the OP

It is in the OP 🤷‍♀️

If you read my OP again, I did say it was a private room:

Just to add as I know partners staying overnight is controversial on here - everyone has their own private room at my hospital. Which is another reason I want him to stay as they’ll be no one around to help if the nurses aren’t answering the buzzers.

Since you have your own room I think he’s being a dick! My partner has always gone home but I have always stayed in a shared room.

I agree. DH being rested was really helpful. Would recommend this to all new parents.

I've had two sections - private room the first time after a rough EMCS and he stayed and the second another EMC and he went home 3 hours after my son was born.
Tbh it was better when he went home to sleep and take my 4 yo to nursery etc and he was better rested to take care of us.

I was in hospital for 2 nights both times

God I can’t imagine anything worse!

In U.K. it’s 24 hours and you’re out. It’s bad for the babies to be on the wards. They can get colonised by bad bacteria. 🦠

This!!!

I had an ELCS in a private room and my partner wasn’t allowed to stay. If it had been allowed I definitely would have wanted him there and wouldn’t have been impressed with resistance!

As it turned out I was fine, but I didn’t know that at the time and it might not have been the case.

The person who has just birthed a baby gets final say.

I was in hospital 5 nights, my partner stayed but tbh it would've been better if he'd gone home after the first couple of nights. We were both so tired, we were catching up on sleep during the day but were interrupted so much there wasn't much point trying! My eyes were rolling during the night and I felt really unsafe but because my partner was there, the staff weren't as attentive which I understand. He did go home for a few hours during the day to shower, grab food etc. I do think it would've been valuable for me to have nights by myself because staff would've taken more time with me and I wouldn't have been left alone if I felt unsafe with the baby. The ward was super short staffed though so that's something to bear in mind. I was also in a side room for some reason, he was in a recliner chair, but partners were encouraged to stay overnight even in bays, but it was made clear they were there to help in addition to regular care from staff.

Jeez

How many ,more times? It's a private room!

Strange. Used to be the norm 40 years ago

He should stay because you want him to. Red flags on his selfish response to be honest. My first c section recovery was horrendous and I needed DH but he was not allowed to stay. The next 2 c sections I chose an NHS hospital with private room for recovery and he stayed - a MUCH better experience!

If you want your husband to stay, he should be staying! You are the one undergoing surgery and you need to feel supported.

Fron my experience, that support is so important.

I have had 2 c-sections. For the first, partners were not allowed to stay and it was horrific. I couldn't get out of bed as still had catheter in for well over 24 hours so couldn't pick up baby, and the staff on the ward were too stretched to help.

For my second c-section, they'd changed the rules to allow partners to stay and it was such a different experience. My husband picked baby up whenever she cried, did all nappy changes and brought her over for a feed. It made the whole thing so much more positive.

Good luck with everything!

Yes! I can’t believe people are calling this poor woman pathetic for wanting her partners support for the first night after she’s had major surgery and is caring for an infant on her own! Fucking hell.

I also gave birth in a (NHS) hospital which has private maternity rooms. My husband stayed with me for my first, helped me walk to the toilet, held the baby who screamed if she was ever put down. When I had my second, baby was whisked off to NICU in another hospital and I sent my husband with him- he was upset that he couldn’t also stay and look after me, because wanting to care for your partner when they’ve gone something as major as childbirth is NORMAL

Completely agree. I don't think they even read the thread. They just bitch plop then move to the next thread to do the same.
Op I hope you managed to gain some advice and insight from some of the comments.

Wanted to add I didn't have a c section but I did have a private room and 10 day with my second. Honestly the midwives were attentive enough and responded to the bell.

I really wanted DH to stay with my first but it was a week before Covid restrictions lifted so he couldn't and it was the BEST thing that could have happened. When I got home, and unlike in the hospital there was really no one else to help, he stayed up with the baby whilst I slept. I couldn't have got through those first nights at home with him as exhausted as me. He was incredible.

She's said many times she's got a private room. EVERY OTHER woman has coped ? Do you know every single woman who has had a C Section??

Not if the premises in question are properly washed and disinfected. Colonised.... my proverbial. They will be colonised after relatives' visits, after health visitor comes and does not take her shoes off when walking indoors, etc.

To be fair it wasn’t until mid 1990 that MRSA become resistant and ‘naturalised’ in U.K. hospitals. Now it’s just there all the time 24/7. You can’t get rid of it.

I was an early 90s baby. My mum had a natural birth. In for a week apparently! It was the norm and they taught them how to feed, care, clean the babes etc.

It’s not unreasonable for you to want him with you but it is sensible to let him go home. E we thing is so tiring for everyone, let him rest and look after you better the following day x