AIBU to want DH to stay with me in hospital after I’ve given birth?

[Netball01]

I’m having an ELCS in a few weeks time & we’ve been told I’ll need to stay in overnight. DH is adamant that he will go home as there
is no point both of us getting a rubbish night’s sleep. Apparently everyone he knows has left their wives over night and they’ve been fine.

AIBU to put my foot down and insist he stays with me? I’m worried that after a c section I’ll be really sore and struggle picking baby up etc and I know these days the midwives are very stretched so can’t rely on them to help all night.

Just to add as I know partners staying overnight is controversial on here - everyone has their own private room at my hospital. Which is another reason I want him to stay as they’ll be no one around to help if the nurses aren’t answering the buzzers.

I absolutely would not have settled for being left alone. So what if my husband was there ‘holding my hand’. What’s wrong with that.

I was shattered, in pain and needed some proper sleep. The father of the babies looked after them while I rested. I was also happier having a parent there keeping an eye on the baby when the nurses weren’t around.

It’s sad that women expect and accept so little from men. Maybe those partners are just shit.

No they won’t!! Do you know how many hospitals have free NICU beds to be taken up by women whose partner had to go home? 🤦‍♀️

Yeah agree! Wtf they don’t use NICU as a baby hotel, it’s only for seriously ill babies

My husband stayed in hospital for 5 days with me, sleeping in a chair. Mine was an emergency cs so likely worse recovery but I couldn't stand up for long without feeling wobbly. I'm not confident I could have looked after our child as well as we (mostly him) did in the first few days, he was looking after our son and helping me to the loo, getting me cups of tea. He's a keeper.

This choice may not be in your hands. Both times I gave birth the wards didn’t allow any visitors outside visiting hours regardless of relationship to the patients.

Not bitter at all. Strong, independent and very happily married, but not dependent on DH for survival. Even after DD1’s 3 day labour, I sent DH home to rest and was actually glad to have him back the next day to negotiate my exit. With DD2 I wanted him back home ASAP despite nearly bleeding out from severe internal bleed (placenta related) because our DD1 would be glad to see him. Once again, I was glad to have him back, refreshed, to break me out. Both times there were husbands/ partners milling around causing a nuisance to the nurses who were trying to support all of us.

There's an enormous gulf between what I actually said and what you're implying. My lived experience is that my c-section was not particularly painful, and I was fine to lift my own baby. Naively I thought that sharing this might offer some reassurance to a woman who is obviously quite scared. If you think that a bit of well-meant sharing is a put-down, that says a lot more about you than me.

Yes much better to start now! Less than 24 hours after major abdominal surgery, when you might still be catheterised or only just got the feeling back in your legs! If you need support at this time you’re bound to not be able to cope with your baby on your own later on. Honestly Mumsnet is just so ridiculous sometimes.

I’d be furious if my DH thought it was acceptable to fuck off home and leave me to it to look after the baby that is equally his after I had a c-section if he had the option to stay overnight.

You’ve not read the OP have you?

1. After the birth, they are nurses. Midwives are for the birth. If you are lucky there’s a midwife kicking about. Yes, they are often well trained nurses with specialisms in post partum / natal care.
2. The OP literally talks about worrying that the buzzer won’t get answered. You need to read the whole thread.

I understand why you’d want you partner to stay and don’t think it’s unreasonable for you to want this.
However,even with a private room there might be issues around security of the other new mums,as some partners could go into other new mums private rooms unless they are locked,which might be a concern to everyone.
If he isn’t allowed to stay could he book into a hotel nearby for one or two nights?

If you have ever been in a maternity ward where husbands are milling about ‘out of hours’ then you will know why this is not good. The nurses are perfectly capable of answering a buzzer. Everyone will be tired, let her DH go home, rest and set up the house and go back and get her out and home and be rested enough to take over at home. CS is a long recovery and her DH will need to be on top form for a few weeks.

Nope. But think what you like. The point still stands. The OP is worried the nurses won’t respond to her buzzzer so needs her DH to stay. If you’ve ever stayed in a ward with husbands / partners milling around out of hours then you will know how unpleasant it is for the rest of us. Her DH needs to get some rest and get her out of the ward with their beautiful new baby. He will be rested, safe to drive them and ready to support her during her recovery. Him staying will notnhelp
either, gets in the way and is unnecessary.

I had an ELCS at midnight after 24 hours of labour. We (DH, DS and I) spent most of the night on the recovery ward before being transferred to the postnatal ward at around 7am. DH went out and about to run some errands that day, but mostly spent the day with us. He then went home that night so that he could get a full night's sleep, and go shopping and tidy the flat the next day before DS and I came home.

It meant that he was reasonably well-rested when I came home, and was able to look after me and DS - invaluable after our first night at home, when my milk came in and DS fed every 20 minutes, so I was in a sort of euphoric fugue state!

I didn't mind him not being there in the hospital; I was still fuzzy from all the drugs I'd been given (failed induction + c section) and happy to alternate dozing, staring in amazement at DS and crying because he wasn't latching properly*. I was definitely pretty 'out of it', but having DH there wouldn't have made a difference to that, and he'd have been much less help when we came home if he'd not had any sleep either.

*It was fine in the end and he was EBF for far too bloody long.

Would they really keep you in 5 days after a CS? I've not had one but have had a full open radical hysterectomy which is a bigger op and was there 2 nights. Would've been one if I hadn't got to ward at 10.30 pm first night

In my trust they keep you in for 24 hours if there are no problems

OP I had my babies in a hospital with a similar set up. NW England. There was a 6 bed bay for recent C-section or social services cases but otherwise private rooms. Second child was during COVID and partners had to stay the whole time you were in but were not provided with food nor allowed to use the en suite toilets and showers. They did get a bed though.

The after care was shockingly bad. It was obvious why they wanted partners there!

Have to say if your partner is this unhelpful now it doesn't bode well for your relationship.

Even mine who was pretty useless and has now been given the boot, didn't need persuading to stay for a couple of nights

No - normal is go home the next day or day after that

imagine if every patient in hospital had a partner or friend staying with them to nag the nurses station. There’s a really good reason why there are visiting hours. This is the NHS not the Portman.