AIBU to want DH to stay with me in hospital after I’ve given birth?

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I’m having an ELCS in a few weeks time & we’ve been told I’ll need to stay in overnight. DH is adamant that he will go home as there
is no point both of us getting a rubbish night’s sleep. Apparently everyone he knows has left their wives over night and they’ve been fine.

AIBU to put my foot down and insist he stays with me? I’m worried that after a c section I’ll be really sore and struggle picking baby up etc and I know these days the midwives are very stretched so can’t rely on them to help all night.

Just to add as I know partners staying overnight is controversial on here - everyone has their own private room at my hospital. Which is another reason I want him to stay as they’ll be no one around to help if the nurses aren’t answering the buzzers.

Well my dear it happened for me both times, in fact it was for all 6 post c-sectioners on my ward both times. Just because it’s never happened to you or your mate Doris from the school run doesn’t mean it doesn’t happen. It did, twice for me.

My DH wasn't allowed and I was fine, although it would have been nice obviously it was actually pretty chill just me and my DD, and nurses were available for anything I couldn't do.

Maybe you could play it by ear? Or do you just think he's being lazy?

I don’t know if you know this this, but a decade is a long time ago.
Educate yourself on maternal healthcare in the UK before talking nonsense.
A midwife certainly will not be putting OP on bed rest and caring for her baby.

I was told I had to be up and moving a few hours after c/s 20 years ago. Uk hospital.

Having read your updates I totally understand why you'd like him there. I do think his reasoning is mildly valid but also if you really are anxious and want him there with you then he should be definitely agree to it. You don't need anything adding to your anxiety at this stage.

Is he being supportive in general?

Definitely didn't happen to my mate Doris either.

I can promise you, when I was in ICU, the options were - my husband stay and look after the baby with barely any input from the midwives (in fact they checked the baby over, passed her to my husband and he was left on his own in a room with her for 3 hrs whilst they operated on me) or my husband took the baby home. My experience (NHS) is a lot more recent than yours and I'd suggest is far more common.

I’ve got 3 and the 3rd and last was an ELCV. I remember waiting for DH to come back after the first night as I really needed him. Maternity wards are incredibly busy and midwives just aren’t available for you all the time. You say you have a private room so definitely try and get him to stay if you can. Having said that, I agree you want him well rested so play it by ear perhaps? After a c section you’ll have a catheter fitted so you literally can barely move for several hours… it’s crazy we’re expected to look after a newborn whilst recovering from major surgery. I was horrified a lady in the next bed to me (after a c section) was asked on the same day as giving birth if she was ok going home to next day. She’d had no visitors and I never knew if she had anyone waiting for her at home. I don’t want to sound alarmist but please take as much help as you can get. On the plus side, ELCS are bloody amazing. Practically no pain as no contractions or labour, it’s wonderful! Good luck OP x

If you have younger children and father has to stay with them, they will send baby to NICU as this is only place where it can get proper care.
I had situation like this and it was explained as normal hospital policy (London, post covid).

Why are you asking AIBU and then, when everyone tells you that you are, you disagree?

I sent my oh home, I needed him to get a good night's sleep ready for us being discharged the next day after my c section. I had 1 hours sleep on the ward and he would have also had about that, how would he have been safe to drive us home? The midwives helped me during the night when I needed it.

Didn’t with my subsequent singleton. Was in a cot next to my bed after c/s. Really don’t need any help,was a piece of piss after twins. I actually didn’t want to go home to the mayhem of toddler twins.

Needy?!? For wanting support from the father of their baby. The day or night of the birth she’s needy holy fuck I’ve heard it all now

this isn’t a race to the bottom I can endure bollocks this is a mother that wants support from someone that’s meant to love her and the baby.

This is so rude!! You know nothing about her pregnancy or the reasons she has to have a c section. Also my "natural" birth I was in hospital for 3 days and could hardly walk for 3 weeks, my c section I was home within 24 hours and walking around Asda on day 5.

Eh. Can you explain please?

I reported it because it's a disgusting personal attack. And as someone who nearly died giving birth I find it highly offensive.

Disagree with this. Husband needs to go home and get a good night's sleep.
OP and baby can be cared for by hospital staff. No biggie

Yeah right not happening hospital is understaffed and from the op it’s dire.

staff won’t be helping and why should he be well rested surely she should be well rested. Unless he’s a surgeon a bit of broken sleep shouldn’t do him any harm us mothers do it on the daily why not him too for one day, cos I’ll bet he’ll be back at work once she’s home

Why? What’s he done which has made him so tired? Honestly, who are you letting father your children? 😂 I’d love to hear my husband say after those 5 hours you spent giving birth, I’m taking myself home for a well deserved rest!!

Get a grip! Why does the OP ‘need’ to have the father of her baby holding her hand all night? It’s a hospital, not a hotel. If she’s on deaths door, then that’s different, but to be worried that a nurse won’t hear the bloody buzzer is insanity. At some point she will need to come to terms with being on her own for a few hours. Better to start now.

It’s a hospital, not a hotel. The concern is the nurses won’t respond to the buzzer. Let’s just get real. The nurses do not need her DH chasing them around all night because they have not responded to her buzzer fast enough. It’s ridiculous.