AIBU to want DH to stay with me in hospital after I’ve given birth?

[Netball01]

I’m having an ELCS in a few weeks time & we’ve been told I’ll need to stay in overnight. DH is adamant that he will go home as there
is no point both of us getting a rubbish night’s sleep. Apparently everyone he knows has left their wives over night and they’ve been fine.

AIBU to put my foot down and insist he stays with me? I’m worried that after a c section I’ll be really sore and struggle picking baby up etc and I know these days the midwives are very stretched so can’t rely on them to help all night.

Just to add as I know partners staying overnight is controversial on here - everyone has their own private room at my hospital. Which is another reason I want him to stay as they’ll be no one around to help if the nurses aren’t answering the buzzers.

@cuckooooooo yes I have and the enhanced recovery pathway promotes you getting up and about asap. It’s not a great op and it’s bloody painful but it helps with recovery and you aren’t ill, you are pregnant and having a c-section. The midwives did nothing and I had to look after myself, it set me up for what was to come when I got home.

I didn't say that - I think you're confusing me with another poster.

@Completelyjo OP is being a snowflake, she should just get on with it.

@Havinganamechange you aren't encouraged to get out of bed and move about instantly. You've had your guts cut open. When I had one 4 years ago I was moving about within hours but my dh helped me when I was in too much pain. I can assure you some women are very ill during and after pregnancy, myself included. I was hooked up to drips and a catheter for a few days due to preeclampsia. Don't think your experience will be like everyone else's. I know women who impeded their recovery due to doing too much too early. My dh is happy to be on hand in a few weeks on a chair when I have another.

What's the point in even replying if you don't read the whole OP?

you aren’t ill, you are pregnant and having a c-section.
Filled my bingo card!
How many other people do you say that to? Or is it just reserved for women after pregnancy?
You aren’t ill you’re just having a heart bypass.
You aren’t ill you’re just having your appendix out.
You aren’t ill you’ve just had a lung transplant. 🤦‍♀️

the midwives did nothing and I had to look after myself, it set me up for what was to come when I got home.

This is where you’re going wrong. Most women with a spouse do not expect to have to do everything themselves at home too.

you aren’t ill, you are pregnant and having a c-section

🤦‍♀️ just when I thought I’ve heard it all

It’s just major abdominal surgery and having to care for a newborn while in the recovery ward, you aren’t ill fgs!!!!!!

@AnnieSnap Hospital staff are there to help you if you struggle with something.

They really aren’t.

You will have a child soon. It’s time to be an adult.
So will he?

Can you explain what you mean by this? I thought it was quite clear!

She’s had his baby. Just because the majority of women are by themselves does not mean every woman needs to be. She wants him there it’s obvious he stays.

It’s so sad that even after giving birth women still have to suck it up. I was fine by myself, the op doesn’t want to be by herself. Simple.

It’s depressing when you realise women are actually women’s worst enemy.

I really wonder what makes some women hate women so much.

@Cinai2 no wonder the country is in such a mess, we can’t even seem to handle a pregnancy 🤷🏼‍♀️

But to add, my second c section was entirely different - I was up within 6 hrs and had to walk down the corridor to get my dinner, left all night with a baby who cried the entire night (and no not a single member of staff helped). And that's a c section where i recovered very well - although i managed it was still tough. Had our circumstances have been different, DH would have still stayed.

I had sections and DH was sent home. I was on strict bed rest and midwives had my baby whilst they slept and brought him to me for feeds overnight. DH came in the next morning when I was allowed to get on my feet to help with the baby whilst I had a shower. If you have your own room it’s worth an ask but I was on a ward. I wouldn’t want someone else’s fella hanging about. You’re vulnerable and you should be made to feel comfortable. You’ll be bleeding, trying to feed, have a catheter in, bed bathed and check ups etc, you don’t want another bloke looking at you and they do. You look and feel like utter shite. If that had of happened I would have asked for them to be removed. It’s not a place for men to be hanging about outside of extended visiting hours, they don’t do anything anyway.

When was this? I have never heard of midwives looking after a baby - even when I was unconscious in icu - my husband had no choice but stay or the alternative was that the baby would have been sent home with him.

A c section is major abdominal surgery.

Is the country a mess because men want pain relief for having the snip?
Or because they expect ‘time off’ after heart surgery?

1992?

I don’t think a single hospital in the UK “puts you on bedrest” after a section and takes the baby. It’s the opposite of NHS guidelines for one.

It's up to you. After a C-section you may really struggle and become frustrated if baby is left and crying. I know midwives help but they do come late.

If it's your first baby then he can stay and you can both get a taxi home. If he is sleeping horribly or is a light sleeper then you may want to reconsider.

You have a private room so yes he should stay to help you. Yes it'll be shit sleep for him but that's the reality of having a newborn, he just needs to accept that and get used to it.
I was in for 5 days after I gave birth to my youngest, my partner stayed the entire time (granted he got a bed of his own as we had a family room) and did all the baby care except feeding so I could rest and recover. Which is what new dads should do!

13 years ago! Last section was 9 years ago, youngest was kept for 2 hours after DH went then brought back to sleep next to me. Slightly different to the eldest. I had to buzz when he wanted feeding and they came and handed him to me and helped out until we were done. Both times I wasn’t allowed on my feet for 12 hours after birth and catheters stayed on until we were about to go mobile and walk to the shower.

I think it's more important for DH to be there after a C-section rather than a natural birth too. You will both be tired and cranky for the first week but that's how it is.

If you want him there and he’s able to then of course he should. Thing is you don’t know how you’ll feel until the baby is here, can’t you just decide on the day? I had a third degree tear and went down to surgery with my first and a c section with my second. Partner had to leave each time and I honestly coped fine… even though I couldn’t actually move properly which seems crazy now. Had the baby close to me both times so not much lifting and putting down(adjusted the bed to the height of the cot) and called the midwife a bit before a feed was due if I needed help. Managed feeds, nappy changes and clothes changed no problem while also trying to get up and walk/use the toilet once the catheter was out. I can honestly say I didn’t once think I need partner here to help. BUT the big thing here is my partner could not stay whereas if he could have he definitely would have. Realistically would he be of help or getting in the way?

I had full term twins and an CS. I was in a side room and my husband wasn’t allowed to stay because of the religious beliefs of others on the ward. Hospital wasn’t great and was bloody happy to see my dp when he arrived in the mornings but I survived. I was up going to the loo 3 hours after. You are more than capable of caring for one baby. We both had to do nights as we had 2 babies and my dp has always been hands on. Not staying in hospital didn’t make him a shit dad.