AIBU to want DH to stay with me in hospital after I’ve given birth?

[Netball01]

I’m having an ELCS in a few weeks time & we’ve been told I’ll need to stay in overnight. DH is adamant that he will go home as there
is no point both of us getting a rubbish night’s sleep. Apparently everyone he knows has left their wives over night and they’ve been fine.

AIBU to put my foot down and insist he stays with me? I’m worried that after a c section I’ll be really sore and struggle picking baby up etc and I know these days the midwives are very stretched so can’t rely on them to help all night.

Just to add as I know partners staying overnight is controversial on here - everyone has their own private room at my hospital. Which is another reason I want him to stay as they’ll be no one around to help if the nurses aren’t answering the buzzers.

My husband went home the night I had both of my DC, one of which was a section.
As a woman, I would not want a man staying in the ward where I was vulnerable and maybe asleep.
After giving birth, I absolutely loved the time I had alone with my DC. When I needed help, the nurses helped but to be honest babies are quite sleepy the first few days.
You have a whole lifetime to spend together, enjoy the time on your own with your baby and think of others.

It doesn't matter if your in a private room or in a bay, your still on a ward with lots of vulnerable women. Disgusted really that an NHS hospital would allow men to stay unnecessarily.

I'm wondering if the women who think the nurses!(midwives) are going to be at the beck and call of the op all night have given birth in the uk in the last decade? It's certainly not what I've experienced even though they've all been amazing and done what they can

So having slightly broken sleep for one night is as exhausting as being pregnant for nine months, under going major surgery and caring for a new born baby.

When I had mine the midwife summed it up beautifully, she reminded me that this was major surgery. If you had such surgery at any other time you would be out on complete bed rest. After a caesarean however, you are handed a baby and expected to look after it. Of course your husband should stay with you if it’s what you want. You will need the physical, practical and emotional support.

I have had a c-section twice in the last 3 years. At St Mary’s hospital in London, a well respected hospital.

There was no help post labour ward. The post-natal ward felt dangerously understaffed. Nobody would hold the baby while I went to the loo/ had a shower and I wasn’t allowed to bring my baby with me. So I felt I couldn’t shower/ go to the loo.

Nobody answered buzzers in a reasonable time. Pain medicine was forgotten. Discharge was horrendously slow as no one was around to do it. Your husband needs to step up and be there for you. Post-natal care doesn’t really exist now, all the good midwives are on the labour ward as that is the more important ward.

Yambu imo -.I was lucky and had a vaginal birth with just stitches so didn't have to stay in and was home late afternoon- but I still needed support at home and having laboured for 4 days my husband's level of sleep was the last thing on my mind.

Having had minor abdominal surgery I think the more support you have from dh the better and it is the least he can fucking do!

I believe research has shown that allowing the dad to stay on the ward overnight has positive outcomes. So it's not unnecessarily. And lots of hospitals allow it.

People’s reading ability is especially poor on this thread. SHE HAS HER OWN ROOM I FEEL LIKE SHOUTING!!! Men on maternity wards seems to rile a lot of people up 🙄

In answer to the actual question. After my c section last year then l would have appreciated my husbands support overnight on the ward. I had a catheter and swollen legs which hindered my mobility more. Plus had to card for newborn baby twins (whether it was twins or singleton then it’s hard. It didn’t feel right or fair to me that l had had a procedure but was left to do the heavy lifting (literally!) whilst my husband got to go home, relax, eat dinner and have a good nights sleep.

I know right 🤣🤣🤣

I know midwives aren't and after reading some of people's experiences here with how hard it was to get the midwives attention when needed, I changed my opinion and said DH should stay with her. But my point in the last post still stands about why I sent DH home - again not for him or "poor little hubby" but because I felt that's what would benefit me and the baby and was offering a different perspective to the OP that she may not have considered!

Didn’t happen to either me for either baby I had in the uk or any of the 140 odd women in my two online baby groups from all across the uk except in icu/nicu

What’s so offensive about a man staying in a private room with his wife? What can he possibly see (or want to see, for that matter)

I was at uclh, London. A big respected hospital. I was due to be checked out the morning after baby was born, I was very anaemic and a bit in shock with a 3rd degree tear. I kept ringing and asking for someone to tell me what pain meds I’d taken so I knew where I was in the schedule to manage it myself at home. From 7:30 to 11:30 am someone turned up twice, said they’d get someone and disappeared. No one checked on me or baby, they disappeared as fast as they could. At 11:30 someone came in and told me off for being there because didn’t I know someone needed that bed. I burst into tears.

I didn’t realise this was a thing as I was on a ward after I had my caesarean and obviously no one can stay over there. I think if I had this option I’d be in two minds, yes it would be nice to have that extra support but I think I’d plump more for him being refreshed for when we came home. It very much sounds like the hospital is abrogating their responsibilities by encouraging partners to do some of their jobs. When I was recovering the nurses really supported me 24 hours a day for the three days I was admitted. My partner came in the morning and left before 9pm and that was enough I think, he sorted out stuff we hadn’t thought about at home for us.

The post-natal care is non-existent at the moment. Your experience sounds awful. I was also frequently in tears due to the manner of the midwives and the lack of care.

Cant believe any of the people agreeing with OPs husband have had a C-section in a UK hospital recently. Or have read any of the numerous articles written about how dangerously bad maternity care is right now!

I had a csection earlier this year and didn’t even get offered any pain relief as they had no midwives to do it. I had surgery at 9pm and was offered some the next morning at 5am. I wasn’t told what it was, just given a few pills in a cup which I took presuming they were some super long lasting painkillers! By 6pm I was in agony (when I had to walk to the cafeteria to get my dinner). I asked for something stronger and was told I had only had 2 paracetamol at 5am!! They had forgotten to give anything else. The only silver lining was the midwife desperate to discharge me exactly 24 hours after the section so I only stayed in one night.

The aftercare now is not good, it took midwives over 40 minutes to respond to my buzzers. I ended up twisting to get DS out of the cot myself and opening up my wound.

Your experience is not the one that I and lots of women have had, sadly. I was ignored but my DH wasn't allowed to stay.
It actually makes sense for the dads to stay and help out leaving midwives to deal with stuff that is nursing related. Because these days they aren't able / chose not to provide additional support anyway.

Yes I was very lucky. Just to say it wasn’t the midwives that helped out over night, it was staff nurses and HCAs.

This is a good idea. You say the hospital have been quite clear I should have someone so if you don’t want to then I’ll need my mum at the birth instead of you, so I can get the help I need. I doubt she will respect you much for this but the important thing is the support for me and baby, and to be honest she wouldn’t be wrong would she.

I think it sounds great that you are all given a private/single room at your local hosptial after giving birth, and if it's reasonably comfortable I hope your partner changes his mind and stays. If so he might get more sleep there than you anyway!
The single rooms at our NHS trust hospital (which is not that great on the whole) used to have sectional chairs, just two big foam cubes in effect, that could be changed into a flattish, shortish bed but I'm not sure if thst's still the case.

I am so surprised by all the posts saying send him home. Dad's were allowed to stay overnight in my ward and as you have a private room I would 100% say that he should stay. After both my c sections I could not move as my spinal block was still wearing off. I could not physically lean over and get my baby out of the cot even if I had wanted too. I couldn't get out of bed, I couldn't walk and we all know nurses and midwives are overstretched so if your baby is screaming chances are they won't be able to attend to you straight away. You will be extremely hormonal and emotional lost birth, I cried at the tiniest thing and the thought of being in a room, on my own, with a screaming baby that noone could get too I find quite distressing!! Sorry if that sounds dramatic, I'm not normally a dramatic person haha but I couldn't have done without my husband next to me. My little one was sick as well and he had to deal with all that, there just aren't enough staff. You need to rest as much as possible, you will have just had major surgery to recover from, your partner should be doing most of the work those first few nights. Don't try to overdo it as you risk your scar becoming infected and taking longer to recover - I say this from experience! Good luck xx

Oh yes also forgot to say - we had the same chairs that turned into beds, they supplied a sheet and a blanket and they are surprisingly comfy for a night or two. I had to sleep on them for a week earlier in the year x

Unnecessarily?! I can't believe that you've ever been in that situation yourself, having had a C section and literally not being able to move for hours or pick up your baby and possibly being in agony?! Men aren't a threat to other women, they are there to support their partners and look after THEIR child!!

Eh?

My husband stayed with me every time. I think fathers should be allowed to stay. I don’t get your reply to be honest.