Would you become pregnant at 47 if....

[Noangelbuthavingfun]

*Also posted in pregnancy

You desperately know you've always wanted a 2nd child and it never went away ... tried but failed many times.... would you go for donor eggs and partner sperm and just do it ? Many celebrities do it late into 40s.... its now or never. I'm just thinking you regret the things you never did... aibu to just do it ? Has anyone you know or have you done this ??

Not for me, but if it happened naturally then who knows. The risk of disabilities is really a massive deal for me. Although I know someone whose mum was 52 when she had her (total surprise of course). I wouldn’t put my body through IVF etc at that age, no. Women had babies into their 40s all the time pre-contraception. There are so many people who are in their 40s and have parents in their 80s, and that’s gone on for aeons.

Wild horses wouldn't drag me that way...

A female relative of mine had an IVF baby in her mid 40s. Her husband is 50.
He in particular seems to be struggling and their relationship is under a visible strain. Maybe I would risk it all (health, marriage, financial security, lifestyle, career) for the first and only but most definitely would not for a second time around.

There are no guarantees of long life - my parents made it to their 90s my sibling only to early 60s. Choices cant be made based on worries like this.

So you only think or yourself. You need something filling you. It’s all about you, not the child.

I had my first aged 39, so spent most of my adult life travelling and having freedom and fun before that - I'm glad I made the most of being young and carefree before having kids so I'm doing life the opposite way around to you. Both approaches have their plusses and minuses for sure!

Nope, that is never a consideration for the OP on any of these threads.

No two women are mentally, emotionally and physically the same. Do I think I could have had a child in my late 40's, yes! But I have friends the same age who didn't stand a chance of coping.

I think there will be those that agree and those that disagree and you will never get full agreement so go with your heart, try....do what you need to do, you only have one life to live!

But I temper that with one piece of advice, I don't know what your family situation is but you will be coming up to retirement when your future child is still at school . If something happens to you, who will be there to house and love your child - god forbid that should happen? If there is family who would do that for you - go for it but don't be naïve about the potential as its your child that has to deal with the consequences.

And yes I know any child could loose their parent but the older you are the more likely it is that your child may not have your support and guidance into their adulthood so just bear this in mind.

What does your DH/DP think? And your DS?

Thank you... I know what you mean about fair to the child. But they will have an older brother ... and there is no guarantee for younger parents of a long life either . I also think it will be good for my teenager to have other family and fairer on them ? I think fostering is a whole other level but I should probably look into it .. I'm not sure my husband will agree tho...

And as the parent of a child with disabilities id say think long and hard. It’s been heart breaking. You cannot know the suffering frankly. You’re only looking at the best outcomes. Of course it’s good to be positive but one must also be realistic too and consider all possibilities. We have money so we are very lucky. We can spend to allieviate some of the sadness. But it never goes away, it’s always there and I have no choice but to live with it. My health is massively compromised as a result too.

Bloody hell no. Dd is 12. There's no way I want to go back to nappies. Plus the financial commitment of uni when you're wanting to slow down and think about retirement. No way!

Fuck no! You couldn’t pay me to be pregnant in my 40’s

But then I struggled badly with both of my pregnancies in my 20’s

@Noangelbuthavingfun just to add, I do have every sympathy for someone using donated eggs/ sperm via ivf and I very much understand why someone who has never had a child would go down this route…but if someone has their own biological child already ( whilst appreciating the emotional costs of secondary infertility ), I feel they should stick with what they already have ,particularly as then using a donor for a second child adds a whole other load of complexity to family relationships.

Oh come on, if 47 is too old then so is 46 😂

FWIW, 47 IS too old as is 46

Do your teenagers mind babysitting? Personally I don’t think it’s fair to rely on them for childcare. My Mum has a much younger sister and she says she felt more like her aunt than an actual sister.

Answering your question, no I think it’s too old. Your chances of miscarriage and to your long term health are higher. Why do you feel you aren’t complete without another child? Isn’t the child who already exists enough for you?

Would it be fair on your teenager to potentially have elderly parents, a disabled sibling and their own partner and family to care for all at once in 25+ years? That is a reality you may have to consider.

Some of you will disagree, but I went into a pregnancy at 43 knowing that I would only go through with it if the amniocentesis returned a result that said all was well. Obviously, risks of disability remain even after a test like that, but just saying we had a personal limit line in the sand.

Reading through your posts, there do seem to be a lot of “I” issues, I want, I did. You haven’t mentioned what your partner thinks about this. Got to be a decision made jointly surely, and if one of you has any doubts at all about starting again with a tiny baby, toddler years, school years, then it needs a lot of thought.

I struggled having one child at 33 so I can only imagine how hard it would be at 47. It's very tough when you have that longing but I do think there's too many risks associated at that age.

I’d have another if I felt like you do as age is just a number but not with donor eggs/sperm.

If I was desperate to expand my family and couldn’t conceive then I’d adopt or foster.

At 47 I was well into perimenopause and almost certainly wouldn't have been able to conceive or carry a pregnancy anyway.

Absolutely no way would I use donor eggs or sperm, I have ethical difficulties with the concept. No shade on people who do, it's up to them, but I couldn't.

Sometimes we have unfulfilled desires in life. I know I do. That's just how it is.

Having a baby at 47 to fulfil YOUR desire would be incredibly selfish.

My 14 year old daughter's says she wishes I had her younger. She mentions it a lot. I had her when I was 26.

I'm 40 now and her friends mums are mid 30s.

We can’t always have what we want.