Would you become pregnant at 47 if....

[Noangelbuthavingfun]

*Also posted in pregnancy

You desperately know you've always wanted a 2nd child and it never went away ... tried but failed many times.... would you go for donor eggs and partner sperm and just do it ? Many celebrities do it late into 40s.... its now or never. I'm just thinking you regret the things you never did... aibu to just do it ? Has anyone you know or have you done this ??

I'm 58 .
I look after my two grandchildren. 4 and 2.
No way would I want to be their full time mum.
Menopause was and still is hell on earth so it's a def NO from me.

Brilliant & exactly why we have no right to judge women who have children in their 40s. I gave birth to my children in my mid/late 20s & I wouldn't change a thing especially as I'm a relatively young grandmother now. The age difference doesn't mean my experience of parenting was better, or that I was more able than my older playground friends.

The older mothers I knew in the playground were never mistaken for grandparents, at least as far as I know as they often looked healthier & younger than women half their age collecting children. A lot depends on genetics & lifestyle.

With all due respect this might be because your mum never cut the apron strings and you rely on her too much. For women like me who have always been self-reliant having a young or old mum makes no difference.

In what universe is having a child at 32 old or leaving it too late?

It's one thing saying it's old at 47, but 32 is completely laughable and absolutely ridiculous.

I also work in social care and can't say I envy any of the people who are in their mid 70s providing care to relatives in their 90s. It isn't all its cracked up to be having them so young.

Ha ha @Everleybear we said exactly the same thing in almost exactly the same words!

Far from the truth. I moved away at 18 to go to university for 4 years. Then I travelled around the world for a year. Worked full time renting, and got a job in a different country where I have now been for 15 years. I visit 4 times a year.

It's also not about relying on your mum. Sounds like you must have had an awful upbringing that your mum wasn't your best friend.

I can think of nothing worse than my Mum being my best friend. I loved her with all my heart but she’d have been crap at hanging out in Miss Selfridge on a Saturday and discussing which one of Bros she fancied.

My mum and I only have a 20 year age gap so it doesn't feel too massive to be that different. We share the same hobbies too.
But now that I'm married and have a child...she comes on our annual trip to centre parcs and she cycles with us, swims, does the tree tip trail and even goes roller skating on the rink with my kid. She's a fun gran. I'm glad my kid gets that experience while she's young enough.

@DoraDont Of course you don’t resent them, you love them!

Although as I said upthread, not everyone has the same experience. I’m also 50 and my Mum died 25 years ago. Dad’s 86 and not in as good health as your parents.
So it’s a lottery.

You can have ‘fun’ in all sorts of ways with grandparents whatever age they are as long as they want to be present (and are allowed to be). My DM’s grandparents were ‘elderly’ - had their first at 42 in 1915 - and took DM everywhere, holidays and all.

Mum's aren't best friends regardless of how wonderful they may be

Why not? I can say the same stuff to ky mum as I can either a friend.
My mum does yhe same stuff as me from ski-ing, swimming, cycling....we have alot in common.
Shame you don't have the same with your mum.

It is your and your mother’s “best friend” relationship that is outside the norm, not the loving mother/daughter dynamics that most people have.
There is no need to feel pity for the millions of us who love our Mums and have a great relationship, but who do not consider her our best friend.

Also, my husband is my best friend in terms of mutual interests and sharing everything. I’d be bloody pissed off if my child started to muscle in on that relationship!

Glad that u have a good relationship with your mum, take care

Yes I know lots that have done it. You'd only be mid 60s when they're an adult. If you're able to get pregnant then there's no reason why not, as long as you're married and not denying them a parent from the get go, financially able and willing to take on no matter what. Of course babies come about without these things in place and that's still OK as long as parents do the best they can do but going into doing it, make sure you have everything in place to put the baby first.

Absolutely have that child. I got pregnant at 46 & it was wonderful. Yes people frown & tut tut but its usually women. I think when you get to 40 you can do what you like. I am on an incredible journey with a teenager in my 60s & consider myself blessed because she keeps me youthful. Whilst my peers cope with empty nest syndrome & childlessness, I wallow in the light that is my love child. Go for it or you will regret it

as long as you're married

?

I would say that my DDs would say that I'm one of their best friends. And my mother was one of mine too.

Perfectly lovely and perfectly normal. Nobody has your back the way your mum does.

🤮

Sorry if you don't have that relationship with your mother or daughters.

It's so lovely, and you know what you can do with your jealous 'vomit' emoji!!

I have amazing friends, but if I could choose who to spend my time with most, it would be my late parents, and my adult children.

Completely agree.

Completely agree too.

Absolutely not

I cannot so I have to try at 47 I don’t have one