Would you become pregnant at 47 if....

[Noangelbuthavingfun]

*Also posted in pregnancy

You desperately know you've always wanted a 2nd child and it never went away ... tried but failed many times.... would you go for donor eggs and partner sperm and just do it ? Many celebrities do it late into 40s.... its now or never. I'm just thinking you regret the things you never did... aibu to just do it ? Has anyone you know or have you done this ??

It would depend on how old the other child is.

If they were under 4 then I would consider it.

If they were older than 4, definitely older than say 8 then it wouldn’t even cross my mind.

How old is your first?

Could you have used a doner years ago though? There must gace been a reason why you put it off?

Yes, but most of these people are not in an even vaguely similar position to the upcoming generations.

Like many others have said.
It’s your choice - do what suits you.
I am 47 and have a 5 year old and am the oldest mother by far at school, I presume they think I’m his grandma. I am knackered, less
patient than with my other kids and conscious I am going to have to work for many years to support him.

It is. And if not to you, the difference to the teenager will certainly be. Imagine being 12 and having a mum who is 60.

I work with small children and have the energy for it (I’m 50), but to have a toddler myself!? No, that would not be fair to anyone.

I do understand the urge for a 2nd but if it’s been a burning desire for so long why have you waited so long to consider doing it with donor sperm/ eggs? If your DC is a teenager I think that puts a different complexion on things. I wouldn’t do it either way but particularly with such a large age gap.

Interesting, I grew up having an older brother (7 year age gap) it was always a plus. Never an issue.

I think you are deluding yourself, I have a friend who is going through this exact issue with her donor conceived kids, and she and they are very much of this generation.

It’s probably easy for me to say I wouldn’t because I have more than one child but personally, I wouldn’t. I would honestly count my blessings with the child I had and focus on them rather than what could have been. 47 isn’t old by any means but I would find it difficult to deal with the stress of a young child in my 50s personally, it should be the stage you start to chill out a little in life.

Omg you have no idea how happy your post made ! So you had a totally natural pregnancy ? Wow amazing! This gives me a little hope that it is possible to do it ! I also think of you really want it ..which I do... I'd put up with the hard years and teenagers will be OK in 50 /60

Absolutely not! I will be 45 when my daughter turns 18 and I have plans. None of which include relinquishing my freedom to child rearing. Nope.
I wouldn't even date a man with children dependent children then.

You have got to be joking? How incredibly naive and ignorant.

@Definitelynotme2022

Although he was very much planned and wanted, I didn't think about that at the time!

Surely you knew you would have to support him until he reached 18. I mean you support them forever.

Could you elaborate a little what the issue is and how they are processing / affecting them? It is something I've wondered....

Two of the children I work with have downs syndrome. They both have much older mums.

OP you are obviously only listening to the ones you want with an OMG, so why on earth are you posting here?

I had a fabulous colleague - glam, funny, exceptionally good at her job. She had 2 sons with 16 year age gap. Surprise pregnancy after not being able to conceive a second time. The brothers got on really well. She retired at 64, looking as fab as she did as a mum in her 40s. It’s really not so unusual to have a big gap.

No, not 47 (not above 40 for me, personally).

I’ve seen my 60+ parents having to deal with my grandparents aging and dying, and the pressure and emotional hardship they went through. It’s a lot for anyone. Someone in their 20s/early 30s it’s exponentially more.

I know we’re not guaranteed a long life, but I couldn’t knowingly put that pressure on such a young person. It also puts them in the situation of not having that support network when they might have young children of their own (whilst possibly dealing with my dementia/illness/death).

Again, I know there are no absolutes. This could happen when they’re young no matter what, but at that age it’s almost a guarantee.

This does seem to be all about you OP and not about the needs of another human being that will do far better if they had a parent around for longer who was younger than the timescales you can offer.

I personally think you need counselling.

You are using a baby to meet some unmet need inside of you.

The thing with a baby is you can’t change your mind. It’s with you then through your old age. As a very young person. I think that’s cruel.

Of course you can’t fill this gap with material things. A Louis Vuitton handbag or a trip to the Seyshelles can’t compete with the huge emotional rollercoaster of love but so many many other emotions, that a baby can offer.

I’d be more inclined to try fostering. You will get the same intensity of love and all the dynamics of a child parent bond but you can step away from that child if you need to.

It’s a huge commitment going into baby years aged nearly 50.

I can hardly take care of myself at this age, let alone the thought of tantrum twos, the awful threes.

Dont forget also the risk of having a child with disabilities. You’re working against nature. Nature may not be on your side for that reason.

You need to fill your life with meaning and deep connections. This is what you crave. To see growth of something, anything. You think a new baby can offer you this but I can’t help but wonder if this is fair to the child.

Me too. I'm pretty sure my third baby (a 4 year old now) triggered perimenopause for me too. I had her when I was aged 39 and I'm in the throes of perimenopause at the moment, and it's bloody awful sometimes. I love my 3 DC to bits but it's damn hard work. I'm fairly sure if I'd stuck to 2 DC then I'd not feel so bad physically.

No. I know it's clearly not what you are wanting to hear, but absolutely not.

I think it depends a lot on circumstance. I had my 2nd at 41 and it's been fine but it will probably affect when I retire as I will have a dependent. It also means having a teen whilst in menopause as I'm now 53 and he's nearly 12. But I'd still choose to have had him.

I've waited this long because dhen i had my last miscarriage with own eggs at 42... covid hit and we left it. I then thought I'd come to terms with it and the desire will pass. I got a puppy instead lol. It never passed... its still there and no amount of puppies are filling it for me !

It is someone else’s experience rather than mine so I don’t feel comfortable sharing the full details ….but there are resources and support groups out there so perhaps try a bit of reading around the issue.

My youngest was born when I was 41 (DH 46). She will finish university (and, hopefully be financially independent) when I am 62 or 63, depending on gap year/length of course. For me, that means I have to be working at least to that age, and also probably beyond to add to my pension once I have no more financial dependants. That would be what I would be thinking about - how late I'd want to keep working.
Am in my mid-50s and I feel fine having a 13-year-old - I have always been able to keep up with them, drive them around, rush around generally (though less needed now) and as an older parent I've made a point of keeping physically fit. I would probably be fine if she was 8. But I'm not sure I'd want to be supporting her till I was 67/8.

Your DS may well have kids further down the line and you’ll be a granny. Can you wait until then?!