Would you become pregnant at 47 if....

[Noangelbuthavingfun]

*Also posted in pregnancy

You desperately know you've always wanted a 2nd child and it never went away ... tried but failed many times.... would you go for donor eggs and partner sperm and just do it ? Many celebrities do it late into 40s.... its now or never. I'm just thinking you regret the things you never did... aibu to just do it ? Has anyone you know or have you done this ??

No. I wouldn't put my body through that.

Hard to put myself in that position. I think a lot would ride on my health and if I was well enough off to make the associated workload of a small child easier ie cleaner, not needing to return to work after 6 months. Essentially all the things that were tough in my early 30s scaled up and mitigated against!

Thanks for this post !! I feel incomplete... I know some will say its stupid. I'd use donor eggs as I know mine won't work... May I ask if you used your own ? I just wish I didn't procrastinate till now to do it

Personally I wouldn’t if I had a child already. I would worry about the risks involved. I also wouldn’t be keen to use donor eggs especially if I already had one child who was biologically mine. I would probably just stick to the child I have. That’s just me though, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with it if you make a different decision.

Celebrities may do it, but they have staff and no money problems (so able to afford the IVF, the best education, have retirement sorted, houses paid off,...). They don't live the same lifestyle that we do.
I'm 46 now and no I wouldn't go for another. Do I sometimes wish for baby snuggles, yes. But I also know that the reality would be too hard for me and that this period of my life is over.

I think having an 18 year old at 65 would be a lot. You’d be paying for uni right when you wanted to be thinking about retirement.

Another perspective. My Dad was 47 when I was born. It was fine and when I was young there were lots of big families and therefore lots of older parents. It was fine.
My dad died when I was 26 - heart attack. He was early 70s. My mum died when she was in her 80s so I had her for longer. But I know people who lost younger parents unexpectedly. There are no guarantees.
The only thing I would say is to ensure you continue to grow as a person. My parents struggled with a changing society and that brought real tensions when I was a teenager in particular.

Absolutely not. Physically, I feel up to it but biologically my eggs are old ( mid 40’s). I also intend to be semi retired at aged 60, with a little part time job. Which wouldn’t be happening if I had a teenager.

I think if you really want to you absolutely should try for it. I had my first and only at 43. It was very much just the way it turned out and cause of great joy to finally be parents having thought it might never happen.

Very much don’t be put off by those telling you that the perimenopause will be tricky with a toddler and being 50 when they are small is somehow something to worry about. It wasn’t and isn’t for me. The difference between 50 and 60 with a teenager ain’t much at all.

Please don't listen to people on this thread - it all depends on your health and circumstances. I got very fit in my late forties and then had an accidental pregnancy at 49. I wouldn't have planned it and indeed was breastfeeding when i hit 50 but my daughter has brought total joy to our lives (I already had 3 teenagers so that made abit easier with babysitting etc). No health issues for the baby, only thing abit annoying is not having that freedom to travel etc in 50s once kids grown up and having to do the school run at 56.

no, I had disabled children in my early 30s. risks up at your age dramatically. how would you look after a child with significant care needs given your age. Also, all sorts of risks go up for you.

Even if all goes well, you are almost 50. a child needs a parent for many years. are you sure you could effectively meet the needs of a teen in your 60s?

but it's probably irrelevant on any case as you are most likely far too old to conceive (I know it happens but its really not the norm).

My concern is that when your (current) teenage child is off to college or just leaving home you will be just starting school with a youngster and will have a glimpse into what freedoms you would have had.
My older two are in college and independent and my youngest (had him at 41) still has three more years of secondary school. I'm definitely at the end of my 'rearing kids' days and would not like to be doing this for another 6 years!

I had my only children (twins) through donor egg ivf and they were delivered 4 months before my 48th birthday!!

The back story is I met my now husband at 42, we tried to conceive naturally but with no joy; had tests which ultimately showed the best course of action was donor egg ivf but couldn’t afford it in this country so decided to shelve the idea. A year later we decided we would look into the cost of treatment in Europe and ultimately found a clinic in Norther Cyprus which had excellent results in women of my age group so we sought their advice and then had 2 cycles - one when I was 45 which wasn’t successful and the second 14 months later which was successful and gave us our much loved twins.

I know no different having not had children when I was younger, my husband was a single parent from the time his older children were 4yrs and 8m old after his first wife left him and he says doing it second time round he knows what to expect and he finds parenting easier (possibly because we parent together rather than him doing it alone) this time around.

I’m now in my early 50’s and the twins have just started school and I’m not the only older mother in the class with a couple in their late 40’s on second time around having decided to have additional children in their mid 40’s.

Whenever anyone thinks of using donor eggs and donor sperm, do people ever consider how the resulting child may think about how they came into being?

No, because if the age I'd be when the child is 18. I'd focus on my existing family and appreciate what I have. Focusing on having a 2nd child to this extent won't be doing your first child any favours. if you feel imcomplete, you need to deal with that yourself by having therapy or whatever you need to do.

Dont listen to people? Including you eh?

Kids can process this knowledge whilst still at primary school. Non issue of the century - probably the late 20th century

No. DH and I have always agreed that if we couldn't conceive naturally then we would embrace child free life/the number of children we were blessed with.

If it happened naturally then I'd go ahead.

There is no guarantee you'll feel "complete" if you do have a second child.

I think you’ll get a lot of people warning against it on here, but a lot of that is from personal perspective.

I’m a mum of one who wanted more. So I can massively see where you’re coming from. I’m just a year younger than you and I’d also consider it if I was in a committed loving relationship.

however, I say that as someone who is fit and healthy, financially secure and with lots of energy ( despite peri)

I think you need to think about where you want to be in 3/5 and 10 years time. Your career would also take a hit.

I’d agree there are lots of minuses, but I don’t necessarily buy a lot of the negativity about being an older parent - don’t feel like I’ve got any less energy than I did at 21. I’ve also seen posters advising that post 35 is too old! That basically means most of my friends ( and I) would be childless.

but also depends on where you live- in london, you’d be an older mum but not too much of an outlier. In small towns elsewhere, it seems like having a baby at 30 is ‘late’ , so I suppose you’d have to factor in whether you care about having mum friends etc. it may sound trivial but these things do have a bearing on your daily happiness.

No

No definitely not. I'm younger than that now and still wouldn't even now. My Mum isn't much over 60, I couldn't imagine her now with a 10-12 year old! Personal opinion though.

It’s really not…do you never watch any of the DNA related TV series where people are looking for their donors or read any info about the feelings of donor conceived children?

To be 60 as the kid is just entering teens? Bitterly unfair on the child.

No way. Apart from being an old mum which I think is unfair on the child and horrible as a parent - having a teen in your 60s?? Why??? It will absolutely fuck your body. You're perimenopausal now and well into ageing. Women's bodies aren't designed to carry babies in our late 40s.