Would you become pregnant at 47 if....

[Noangelbuthavingfun]

*Also posted in pregnancy

You desperately know you've always wanted a 2nd child and it never went away ... tried but failed many times.... would you go for donor eggs and partner sperm and just do it ? Many celebrities do it late into 40s.... its now or never. I'm just thinking you regret the things you never did... aibu to just do it ? Has anyone you know or have you done this ??

In an ideal world everyone would have all the children they want when they are in 30's, but that is not a reality for a lot of people. I say go for it!

Just thought I'd write in and say I got pregnant age 47 and had beautiful baby girl aged 48. I suffered endlessly at the hands of well meaning professionals warning me I was risking having a child with numerous problems, all the obvious ones. They really frightened me. I had her with no problems, she is now 17 and doing A-Levels, she is my fourth. I have asked her how she feels about having older parents and she says she loves us, she loves where we live, she loves her brothers and sisters and she is doing well at school. She is the most down to earth and sensible one of us all. I can barely remember life without her. I felt a good ten years younger and still do and I seemed to sail through the menopause. I felt physically great then and do now. I know there was gossip but I have a great job and there you are.

It sounds like it's what you really want and you're looking for permission to do it. I would write down all the worst possible (likely, age-related - all pregnancies are risky, of course) risks you can think of and think really carefully about whether you could cope with each one. Think about what might happen with your teenager in all these scenarios, too. And try to be realistic despite your genuine and deep longing. If you know you can cope with all of these things (as much as anyone could), try it once. If you don't become pregnant or you decide you couldn't cope with some of these scenarios (others have listed several risks but you could probably think of more), get a dog instead. Or think about childminding until you might, perhaps, have a grandchild. That's what I'd do, anyway. I'm 46 and regret not having a second when I was 35/36 but not so much that I'd try for a second, because all the potential risks stopped me. I am planning a future dog, but not until my child (13) is maybe 23...

💯 %Yes! I had my kid at this age, and I'm very fit. I had a healthy pregnancy and exercised until the last week before giving birth. Now, I have a teen, and we are very close. She has her friends around, and we travel together. My age has never been a problem.
Nobody would say a word if it was a man's post asking if it was okay to be a dad at a certain age.
Do what your heart tells you, and do not worry about other people's opinions.

Thank you ! If its not too intrusive may I ask if it was planned and natural? So happy for you and to read your post !

Thank you this is a very sensible and helpful post - we have a very similar scenario age wise. I also regret not trying immediately after no 1 but you get misguided that what happened easily the first time will again the 2nd time...
I will only try it once - if nothing then it wasn't meant to be....

How.... plse can you help explain this to me ? We shower him with love... are u saying at some level he will know I wanted another ? Even if so why would that affect him negatively ? To want a sibling for him and someone else he can call family when we are gone one day ? Even if they would both grow up as only children effectively- many families have this and a big age gap ? By this account many families have ussues that mean their kids mental health will suffer one day... I don't think I agree 🤔

And of course we must remember 67 is absolutely ancient 🙄

No, not ancient. But let’s not delude ourselves that it’s not old. The average lifespan is around 80 years old, that’s only 13 years away from 67. And most people aren’t sprightly and youthful until the moment they drop dead, it’s a slow decline over several years for most. Just because the government would like us all to work until we pop, or medicine can keep us running longer despite nature telling us it’s time to slow down, doesn’t magically make 67 the new 40s.

My brother is almost 10 yrs younger than me. I loved mothering him.At this stage of life he is now more like a big brother. My mother gave birth to him at 48. She was as fit as a fiddle well into her 80s.

@1dayatathyme It’s not ancient, but my Mum was dead by then so I’m glad that I wasn’t a teenager. Not everyone makes it to their 80’s. 🤷

So that would make OPs child 33 if she died at 80. That's not exactly leaving young children behind. You can't generalise. Look at Lulu with her final concerts at 75. My mother was as fit as a fiddle into her 80s. She loved dancing and was always one of the first up on the floor as was my father.

This although I was 41 and went into menopause about a year later. Was awful. I had mine at 34 and 41, if I had been given a choice I would have had them at 25 and 27.

That's lovely😊

It’s unlikely the op will have a child at 47, more likely 48/49 especially needing intervention. And as I said, most people have a decline before they die. Is it fair expecting a 20 something year old having to give old age care to a parent? And that’s great to hear for your mum but it’s not always typical.

Were the causes of your previous miscarriages found? I really fear you will build yourself up a lot for a massive disappointment - and you will put your body, your emotions and your relationships through a huge strain.

But you are only responding to people being positive cheer leaders so I guess that is all you want to hear.

Agree with this. And OP will be nearly 70 when child is 21. That is too old, irrespective of how fit and active the parents may be.

Personally I wouldn't. I was 38 when I had my second and the difference between that and 34 when had my first was substantially noticeable. And I'll be honest I know having a baby is a selfish act anyway but feel anyone having one at nearly 50 are not thinking about the childs future properly? You might be 60 when its 10?! I have a 10 year old now at 48 and thats hard enough work on the body and mind! both my mother who is 70 and my mil who is 65 have got age related arthritis and struggle to walk. You would be the same age as most of the other childrens grandparents. It just doesn't sit right with me. I feel bad now that my children may not have me for long and that I myself should've thought about this when trying for my second and should've just stuck with 1.

No I wouldn’t. No ‘ifs’.

You say yourself you have a big extended family so there's already plenty people for your child to call family and by the time you pass, there's a high chance your son will have their own family and partner.

Not all siblings get on and I don't get why people get so obsessed about their child being "alone" when they die. Siblings aren't the only meaningful connections people have in their life. Only children don't just walk about the planet alone and isolated. He'll make connections through his life that will sustain when you pass.

This isn't about your child. It's about your own needs and some deluded fantasy about being this perfect family of four.

I'm presuming all the comments eluding to being 60 and unable to join in with their childrens physical activity are made by under 40s. They can't envisage there are people in the 60s-70s age groups who run marathons for charity, do wild swimming,play tennis etc. I agree it depends on the individual & how fit & healthy they are but the same goes for people half their age who may be heavy smokers, drink too much & are obese. You can't generalise & place all older people in the same category which seems to be happening in this thread.

Predictive text, it should say alluding to being 60

Tests done and nothingsjor found - just unlucky and told as eggs age its a lot more likely so structurally I'd be fine with donor eggs I've been told- as obviously now my own eggs I wouldn't try. If it doesn't work then I can accept I've tried everything . At this point I can't say that

Thank you for this very useful and practical post with insight and recommendations! I'm delighted you have experienced a positive outcome with your family !

How does your DH feel about this? Is he equally onboard? That’s so important.