'i would die for my kids' ..but would people really?!

[ShouldIGoHigher]

Had a very interesting discussion today with my mum and wondered other peoples thoughts.

We were talking about how a lot of people say 'i would die for kids' as a testament of how much they love their children but don't actually mean it or really think about what that actually means and actually.. wouldn't.

So in my mind if someone says they would die for them I take that to mean there's nothing on this earth they wouldn't do for them and to keep them safe.
But then so many people say that but yet won't do basic things for their DC if it's at an inconvenience to themselves let alone put themselves in harms way.

Several examples of this from minor to more extreme.

A work colleagues mum and dad wouldn't watch their grandchildren so my colleague could attend a mammogram for possible cancer. They didn't want to use up annual leave for it. Colleague had to postpone to appointment and unfortunately did have cancer. Of course her parents have said 'i wish I could trade places with you!' ..but they wouldn't even use a leave day for a scan?!

A more extreme example, one of my closest childhood friends has recently left an extremely violent man. She took years of absolute hell from him including violent sex attacks. He battered her in the end and caused lifelong injuries.
Before the final attack she had left him. Her parents new all the ins and outs and saw the bruises. When she left they gave all the lip service of he's a bastard and evil etc. gave her praise for leaving. But the police wouldn't do anything to keep her safe. She kept saying she was worried he was going to come and kill her and he said he would. They saw him say it and knew he was capable. Yet.. they did nothing. Didn't want to get involved and instead gave moral support. I understand this for a friend but your own child?!
In the end he did find her and he absolutely battered her.

My mum knows this friend and her family well and the was aghast at the lip service of how they could say in one breath 'id die for my kids' and in the next sit back and watch their daughter's life be under threat.
She said if it were me or my siblings in that situation with the police unable to help then she would've moved into my house during this period of threat or is with her, without question. Then been prepared to spend the remainder of her days behind bars or dead herself than let him lay a hand on her children.
I honestly believe her and know she would. But then when I think of my kids, I know id do the same. I could definitely make peace with going to prison for the rest of my days for my children's life. How can you say your prepared to literally die for your kids but not go to prison to protect them?

There's also people who say they'd die for their kids but yet they'd not help them financially when they themselves are rich and kids are on the breadline etc.

Do these people genuinely believe it when they say it?
What do they actually mean?

Am I being unreasonable when I say loads of people don't truly mean it when they say it?

YABU - parents do mean it
YANBU - it's lip service because it sounds good to a lot of people.

Before kids I would have said no, I’d never give my life up for someone else. Now I have 2 children, I’d die in a heartbeat for them.

And what is that idiotic remark based on?

See,my mums the opposite. Our 5 year old dog has an issue with his spine. Vets have suggested a CT scan, £1800. We’re waiting to see if the insurance will cover it (it’s not needed desperately otherwise I’d sell a kidney, it’s more to confirm what they think they already know)y mum has offered to pay if need be. ❤️
I’m 53 and my sister is 50 but my mum still turns into a raging mad woman if anyone upsets us.

I've actually thought about this question a lot. I have three very little kids and not to blow my own trumpet, but I think me dying would be one of or possibly the worst thing that could happen to them. So if I died to save one of them, I'd be really fucking over the other two. If I had time to think over this decision it would be a real fucker - but then I just don't know that I could bear for my child to die if I could stop it in any way.

If I had to die to save all three of their lives, no question I would die. I'm not going to die so that they can spend an extra 5 minutes at the park, or have sweets for dinner though. So I think you've got to remember when people say this, it's in the context of "to save their life" and that doesn't mean that you'll do anything for them in any context. Your examples are dreadful though.

Me too; the urge to protect is as strong as ever and the worries don’t lessen but change over time. That’s my experience anyway.

I think people who say that they'd die for their kids or do anything for them probably wouldn't. The ones who get on with it without the grand gestures/words are more likely to.
It probably makes them feel better, like they've 'banked' a 'get out of jail card' to let them off not doing anything, if that makes sense.

No one can say for sure until they actually encounter that situation. Most people would want to in theory.

So you speak for all English people, do you? and the rest of the UK - Wales, Ireland, Scotland.

Who are you to do this?

I had this discussion the other day with a friend. Her husband had kidney failure, and she is a match for him. He has kidney failure due to poor lifestyle choices and hasn’t really made any changes so she said she is reluctant to donate. Plus prior to his diagnosis she was planning to leave him.

thinking about it, I would not donate a kidney to anyone other than my children, or possibly my 2 sisters. The surgery is risky - plus risks of living a life with one kidney. I would only be willing to take that risk for my kids.

Fucking stupid comment.

In answer to you OP. Those people sound unhinged, although I'd like more information about the situation. Everyone I am friends with who has young kids would die for their children. I know this not because they say it, but because I see everyday now much work they put into parenting and how much they love their children. I obviously would die for my children. My mum would, too. I know this because she has always put me first and helped me whenever I needed it, even if I pushed her away.

I think it’s a much stronger feeling when the children are actually children. Many people will put themselves in serious harm’s way to save/protect a baby or toddler they don’t even know, but possibly wouldn’t for a teenager or adult. Although that’s more an emergency/accident situation than the examples which are more nuanced and less immediate

i think most parents would instinctively put their own lives in danger to save their dc from physical harm.

However, psychologically not so much.
Two people I know of who have moved men in really quickly after a split from a partner. No fucks given for the poor dc who have a strange man living with them because mums loved up. Disgraceful imo.

You obviously just know some selfish arseholes, op.

Most people will never be put to the test so yes, it's a nonsense statement really, just meaningless posturing because of that. It's the same as swearing on your children's lives...

That said, I don't doubt that most parents would do anything they could for their children but the 'die for them' is just baseless.

I would die for my kids without question - if it was me or them actually going to die I’d want it to be me without a second thought.

That isn’t the same as being willing to do absolutely anything for them. If it turned out they were evil serial killers I wouldn’t cover it up for example. In your examples I would have watched the kids for a cancer scan and I would take a beating if it stopped my daughter having to take it, but I wouldn’t go to prison so she could avoid a beating (assuming no permanent injury and she was an adult, she’s currently three so it’s different), going to prison I would be willing to do but not having a criminal record, very difficult to live the rest of your life like that, I’d lose my job.

So effectively I’d endure something bad to prevent my child having to endure it, but I wouldn’t take something much worse so she could avoid something unpleasant.

I’ve never said this phrase but yes, I would. I would give my life if it meant either of my children would be kept safe. I can’t comprehend how a parent couldn’t feel this way

I can give some insight into the abuse story you mention. it’s really hard being on the outside of an abusive relationship, if you push too far you push them towards their abuser. You need to get the balance so they confide, trust and know you’ll always be there. Thats all you can do. Any more and they won’t confide, they won’t feel supported. Just judged. They will keep things a secret and won’t turn to you when things are bad. Abusers isolate their targets so eventually there will be fewer and fewer people to turn to, until leaving seems impossible.

They can only leave when the lightbulb has switched and they are ready to go. From the sounds of it, the parents offered an ear, a safe place to stay and support. Thats all they could do. It’s a shitty situation for all

Racist bollocks.

😅
superb.
just English born? Or immigrants too?

Without any hesitation I would put myself between life threatening danger and my child e.g. gunman, out of control car etc. I would do anything within my power to save their life if it were in danger. I think that is a primal instinct as a parent. They are teenagers and I cannot fathom living without them.

Will I give them endless handouts as adults because I love them enough to die for them? No way. Will I always put their day to day needs before mine and make my life plans around theirs? I doubt it, I've given plenty of my life up to support them. When they are adults there will come a time when I will expect them to take the responsibility for their own lives and live with some consequences.

Will I still put my life on the line for them when theÿ are adults, I would think so. I believe my own dm would do too.

Some of the examples you've given sound like really shitty parents...mkst people are not that shit. And have you heard those specific parents say they would die for their kids?

Yes I think it's this. People perhaps think of throwing themselves Infront of a train instead of the daily help. In my mind giving your life for your child isn't just in those movie-like scenarios but it means seriously giving your life in all ways if it means protecting your kids.

I used to work with adult carers. I saw so many parents who's adult DC had suddenly gotten a degenerative illness or had an accident. They literally have up their lives to take care 24/7 for their adult children.
To me that's being willing to die for your children. They let their own hopes, dreams, lifelong goals and retirement go for their adult children who suddenly became severely disabled. Rather than put their 35 year old child in a sub par care home full of elderly people, they gave up their lives to care for them.

I'm Scottish, does this mean I love my kids or not?

I’ve never said it, but know I would. We were nearly hit by a bike as we were walking and I pushed my child clear, but somehow didn’t move myself, so I know the instinct is there rather than just thinking it is.

I know I would.

I read the OP and thought, goshh, I think my parents would enjoy it if I had an abusive partner. They could gossip to all their friends and they'd love to tell me how it was all my fault.

Then I thought, that's a very unkind thing of me to think so I asked my husband, who is lovely and he said 'Yeah, I can see what you mean!'

Isn't that sad!

Some parents are shits!