dh refusing to give me admin access to router in my house

[adminaccess]

DH is refusing to give me admin access to the router in our house because he doesn't think i'm responsible enough. We've both had long careers in tech! I'm currently studying for a security certification.
I'm in shock he thinks he can justify withholding access to a service I pay for at least as much as he does.
He is being unreasonable, right?

Password must be a beaut if he doesn't want you to know it. Hide the damn router till he gives you the password.

Someone who does this must be extremely controlling and unreasonable in many areas. What else does he do?

Mistakenly clicked 'u r being unreasonable'; apologies.
U have every right to be fuming OP

That router would be disappearing in my house.

He is frightening and abusive.

What else is he controlling about?
I doubt this is his only issue.
In fact, I’d wager this dude has so many issues he needs a magazine rack to keep them all sorted.

And remove the fuse

They never look for the fuse.

And hack that baby ride open. He's hiding stuff.

Edited for not checking before posting.
I never learn

Yeah the password will be :

"I'm secretly videoing my wife in the bath and putting it on the internet"

What a fucking arsehole

You can just change your vote, you know, click the other option.

Could pp stop telling op to change the password on the router? That's not the admin password.

This, or something else he’s hiding…?

My thoughts exactly!

You can actually find out a lot of information on a router - things that are deleted permanently on a phone or laptop will show up - such a sites accessed and i.p addresses, ect. If you ever want to snoop on your partner thoroughly, that would be the place to go, and it's completely protected by the person who has the admin password. Sounds like he's hiding things.

[Edited - ignore my second paragraph, I just realised that you are taking about the router password, not the computer. I think my first paragraph still applies.]

My husband died suddenly in a road accident a few years ago, not long after he had replaced our computer and he had not yet got around to giving me an admin account. It added a load of stress onto the shock and grief because there were so many things I could not access. I did eventually manage to get access, after the traffic police returned his (luckily undamaged) phone, and I was able to use the Microsoft Authenticator app to log into his account. I hope you never have to face a situation like that, but it is something to consider.

I think that a good way to set up accounts on a shared home computer is to have a single admin account that you both can access, and then individual user accounts for regular use. That provides a layer of protection against accidentally installing malware, because you would need to enter an admin password, but ensures that both of you have full access if you need it. Perhaps your husband would accept that solution?

Hide the toilet roll, tell him you don’t think
he is responsible enough to use it:

I have no idea what the admin password for our router is and I doubt DP does either, nor do I know why I need it or what I'm
supposed to do with it.

What's he hiding?

OK DH, if I'm not responsible enough to to access the router admin, I'm not responsible enough to pay for half of the broadband bills every month either.

And being that I'm deemed so irresponsible, I'll not be operating the cooker, the oven, the washing machine, the iron, the hoover, the dishwasher, the lawn mower or any other tech that means me doing responsible adult chores. I'll leave all those to you.

Same here. No idea even where it is but I’m not interested. Mine works in IT - his jaw dropped when I read him the op.

I’d the direct debit if it’s from the joint account and set your own up.

Unplug the router and cancel the contract. Take out a new contract with an alternative provider, do not supply ‘DH’ with anything other than divorce papers.

This! What the actual fuck?

Factory reset it... Login set up WiFi again and change the admin password

Then refuse to tell him..

How often do people even log in to routers after initial set up????

2% voted YABU - Id love to know their reasoning.
Is he controlling in other ways too? I wouldnt tolerate being treated like that.

Unplug it and hide it away.

Sounds like a bellend op.
Buy your own and don’t give him access. He sounds like he has a superiority complex tbh and I reckon feels threatened by you.. x

Porn

He is in tech. You can hide sites visited with a VPN and anyway a router does not log it, your ISP does, it could be that he is hiding a second affair phone connection. If he had sense he wouldn’t connect it to Wi-Fi and have a separate contract but a contract if found out about is massively incriminating so.