Is my child’s school being extremely unreasonable?

[RainbowSlidders]

As the title says, I am so bloody angry/upset right now I don’t want to respond until I have had confirmation that they are being as unreasonable as I think.

I lost my dad on Sunday late evening, he lived 300+ miles away including a ferry journey we rushed down Friday AFTER school and drove back early hours of Monday morning all kids attended school Monday. This was a very unexpected death, he had not been ill and was very active and health for a 78 year old. He suffered a brain haemorrhage, the bleed was massive and catastrophic.

Due to cultural differences the funeral lasts 7 days, I understand this is not the norm and my children won’t be attending the full 7 days. The service will take place Thursday, I submitted a leave of absence form for Wed/Thurs/Fri due to the journey. The attendance officer from my son’s school has just rang and been extremely unpleasant, said it will be unauthorised as it’s not viewed by the school as an exceptional circumstance and we will be charged £160 fine as my son had a week off in July for surgery. I made it clear I did not agree and the fine won’t change my mind I was going to my dad’s funeral. I also said it was exceptional circumstances as you only die once, maybe not my finest moment but it was the least rude thing I could think of.

Am I being ridiculous? I have been feeling really off since Sunday, crying on and off for no particular reason so not sure if it is actually me being unreasonable. Monday after dropping the younger 2 at school I had to drop my eldest daughter off at university for her first day which was also very emotional for us both.

I would email into the head and ask for the attendance policy and complaints procedure as I suggested upthread. You will be taking your child to the funeral and will be making a formal complaint when you return. And leave it at that.

When my son was at primary the head used to say she wanted people to email her for the complaints procedure because she hoped to knock the issues on the head before it got that far.

That feels discriminatory

They can fuck right off and I wouldn’t be paying a fine either.

I'm absolutely shocked at the schools response OP. They should be ashamed.

Make an appointment to speak to the headteacher. Take in the medical evidence of the previous absence.

If the meeting doesn’t resolve the situation, ask for a copy of the school's complaints procedure - they must give it to you - and follow the steps in it.
Doing anything else is a waste of your time and energy.

Did the AO seek out your DS at school to say this? Thats shockingly awful.

Lay a complaint.
How inconsiderate.
I wouldn't answer any calls from such a biarch.
What the hell is a fine going to do?

Where does that money go towards.

Definitely complain.

@RainbowSlidders I am so sorry for your loss. That woman at your son’s school sounds like a complete psychopathic bitch. You shouldn’t have to deal with people like this now, when you are grieving. I hope your dh gets a good resolution. And (while I wouldn’t hold my breath) I hope you get an apology too.

I am sorry for your loss. May your father's memory be a blessing.
You are totally not BU, and I hope you find the energy to answer the school and that horrid representative with dignified rage which is what they deserve, and take this further - governors, council, MP!

This is hopefully a case of an inexperienced or incredibly officious attendance officer getting it horribly wrong. Email the headteacher and explain; they should be horrified and sort it out. If not, they are arseholes and you should complain to the governors.

The school are being completely unreasonable - it sounds like you've bent over backwards to minimise the disruption to your children's education while still getting them to their grandfather's funeral, which it's really important they are able to go to - losing a grandparent is a big thing.

I feel really sorry for parents in England. Fuck that. I'd go Tonto.

This. Me too.

I and my hd of house would quietly authorise such absences. I couldn’t do it for a long one but for short ones where we knew the situation it’d never get to the attendance officer.

I forget the codes now to go on the register but it’d have been sorted.

The medical absence is a red herring - theres no way that that should have been unauthorised or included in overall figures. Also the clock starts again in September or used to.

Sorry about your Dad.

If this is the underlying ethos then I would be considering my options for sixth form. Obviously only one of many considerations but some schools are ott in sixth form too so I would perhaps dig more deeply into the school ethos. Has the headteacher changed recently?

They are definitely unreasonable.

There is no fine threshold, your information is incorrect. Please read the regulations before advising others.

Yes they can 🙄

The legislation states schools must consider issuing a penalty notice for absences over 10 sessions.

They have not removed the option to issue one for less than that!

The school doesn't issue the fine anyway, it's the local authority who decide if a fine is necessary.

The school didn't authorise 9 days leave for my daughter visiting her father abroad (long story as to why she has to travel to him I won't go into details!) but the letter from school basically said the absence would not be authorised (as they had authorised a similar absence 2 years ago) and the local authority would have to be notified. If the LA deemed the absence to contribute to too much time off school over the course of the academic year or to be disruptive to her learning overall, then they might consider the fine.

We heard nothing more.

You are not being unreasonable at all. Take the time and make a complaint. Sorry for your loss.

You're not being unreasonable.
If a sudden death of a close relative doesn't warrant time off school I don't know what does.

It isn't the decision of the attendance officer in school, so don't discuss it any further with her. It is down to the head teacher how the register is marked and whether to request that penalty notices are issued, so have all discussions with them, in writing so you get evidence and have a paper trail. Head teachers do still have discretion not to issue penalty notices, though they may tell you they don't.

Contrary to what you are being told on here, you can be issued with a penalty notice/fine for less than 5 days or 10 sessions. If you are unfortunate enough to receive one, please speak to the issuing office (likely your local authority) and explain the circumstances. They have the authority to cancel the fine if they feel it was unjustly issued.

Don't ignore the fine, you'll end up in court, and without a statutory defence (which you haven't got unfortunately), you'd be risking an even bigger fine and a criminal record.

First stop though, head teachers email inbox. Then the chair of governors. Then the board of governors. Good luck.

They’ve given you incorrect information.
Firstly - the change to attendance meant that every child got a clean slate this September. They legally cannot use any absence from last academic year to fine you.
Secondly - the fine would be £80 for 5 days of unauthorised absence within a 10 week period (starting sept 2024). It only increase to £160 if not paid within 2 weeks.

At least 1 day should be authorised, for the funeral. Personally I think they are unreasonable not authorising all 3.

similar happened to me , my mum died , she lived in Scotland I lived in England . I asked permission to take my son out of school for 3 days and the headteacher said I suppose I can allow this

I don't interpret the legislation that way.

https://www.legislation.gov.uk/uksi/2024/210

But anyway the OP can check their local council to make sure. My local council definitely says 5 days.

I’m usually one for rules but I’d be willing to go to prison for a few days rather than pay the fine. Totally heartless. I hope their staff get more compassion.