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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Had a baby 8 days ago - AIBU?

155 replies

Melonballs1 · 18/09/2024 11:55

Had a baby 8 days ago lost a lot of blood and had to be stitched and unstitched twice. My husband and I are self employed and work together it’s his business. He had to go back to work straight away and only took the day I gave birth off and the next day although I was in hospital and he went home every night. his work is normally pretty flexible where he has no appointments in the morning or afternoon he would be at home we thought this would work well with having a baby. this last month it’s been extremely busy more than it ever has been which is amazing. he’s planning on taking on extra staff but that hasn’t happened yet. Due to this I’ve been home alone with the baby exhausted from baby blood loss can’t walk properly stitches have formed a hole and midwife’s have told me to rest more and keep my legs closed so it can heal. He’s got a hobby he does twice a week for an hour each time and then a job/hobby on a Sunday. He’s continuing to do these hobbies and is going tonight and went on Sunday. He’s working all day every day then coming home to look after me and the baby so feels the hour away from the house will be good for him. I’m just upset that he’s choosing to go so soon after the birth while I’m struggling I’m wincing in pain when I walk or sit down on strong pain killers just all round struggling. I can see how hard he is working and don’t want to deny him his alone time. I just thought he wouldn’t go straight back and atleast take 2 weeks off his hobby. I’m spending all day alone struggling with no outside help.

OP posts:
pineapplesundae · 20/09/2024 01:40

Hire someone to come in four hours a day and take care of baby, clean kitchen, make lunch or dinner, whatever you need. Do that until baby starts sleeping through the night. Good luck and get well soon!

PuddlesPityParty · 20/09/2024 05:36

WhatIsThisTomFoolery24 · 19/09/2024 23:31

Gosh, my DH was the epitome of selfish, but even then, I don't think he swanned off to his hobbies straight away. Have you asked your DH not to go or told him how you are feeling? It's an incredibly tough time no matter what, but its also crucial for you to heal so your DH needs to step up.

Have you even read the thread? 🤦‍♀️

MeandT · 20/09/2024 10:04

@Melonballs1 the communication sounds really positive - hang in there both of you, you need to make your body healing the absolute top priority in all of this!

Along those lines - have you had an iron test since birth? If you lost a lot of blood/had complications beforehand anyway, and particularly if you've not had a transfusion postpartum, please be aware that a low iron count will have a significant impact on both your body's ability to heal quickly and your milk production as baby grows.

The NHS can be really hit & miss on this and with health visitor services a fraction of what they were 2 decades ago, I would suggest you're proactive in asking for an iron count test from GP if you didn't get it prior to discharge from hospital.

Obviously it's normal for it to be slightly low after birth anyway, but knowing where it is today can help. And look at supplementation that doesn't cause constipation, adding lots of leafy greens & high iron food, and additional fibre into the diet your husband is preparing for you over the next month.

It's really, really hard to tell what is 'lacking in energy' with a newborn, because it's all just hard. But if your blood isn't carrying the building blocks for your repair & baby's milk, you'll be even further depleted!

Hope you can get your husband on board for cooking a really good 'body mending' meal plan & get GP support too now rather than waiting til 6 week check. Mending those stitches is number 1 priority right now!!!

Good luck Flowers

MeandT · 20/09/2024 10:11

A decent amount of meal suggestions here, for your husband to expand his meal repertoire with!
lilynicholsrdn.com/real-food-postpartum-recovery-meals/

Crazybaby123 · 11/01/2025 11:43

Can you afford a doula, someone to help you and baby out for a few hours each to take the pressure off of you all?

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