To organise a 40th and not include drinks or food?

[IVFendomum]

I’m organising drinks for my husbands 40th in January. I’ve booked an area in a bar in central London so relatively easy for most of our friends to get to. I have asked some of his close friends from further afield but said no expectation at all.

I’m spending quite a bit on taking him away for a night and I also want to buy him a gift to open. I don’t have much spare cash - am PT at the mo and really feeling the slashed income.

AIBU to not include drinks or food for everyone? Would you be offended? Or is it okay to just organise a get together and book an area and that be enough?

Not that big of a "celebrity' then 😂

Gosh, how times change! In my twenties, for my birthdays, I'd go out for a nice not too expensive meal with friends, each of us paying for ourselves; for my 30th, I hosted a party at home, providing food and drinks and floor/beds for those who needed to stay; for subsequent milestone birthdays, I've either ignored them completely or hosted a party at a venue where people ate, drank and danced at my expense. My seventieth is coming up and I'll either ignore it or have a huge knees up at a venue I like, again at my own expense.

Just book an area and say you’re having birthday drinks. If I received an invitation like that, I wouldn’t expect to be bought drinks - in fact I’d be buying for the birthday boy.

Agree. You chose to spend your money on the weekend away. That is fine. But you don't have the budget for a party so.... don't have one.

One small glass of prosecco isn't going to cut it. Can't you have the party at a less "smart" venue and at least pay for beer and wine for all? Or at home? How many people do you plan to invite that your home can't handle it?

I find that grim. "Come on out and celebrate us but don't expect any hospitality."

That is beyond the pale, really. Expecting people to show up with gifts AND their own food and drink?

Talk about poor form. If one invites people to one's home, one provides the best that one can offer. If one can offer nothing, sit there alone. Don't take up people's time and effort without so much as a glass of wine and some cheese.

I think you’re getting some strange responses of this thread. Just tell your friends you’ve reserved an area in a bar and ask if anyone would like to come for a drink. I’m sure your friends will understand what this means. As others have said, just set the start time for late ish to allow people time to eat first.

In the kindest possible way, you are trying to do something beyond your means.
Just scale it back

This! I'd never expect to be provided with drinks and food in a bar.

Party at home I'd be taking at least a bottle of wine with me.

Village hall or function room I'd check if it was BYOB or a paid bar.

Restaurant or bar I'd assume I'd be buying my own meal/drinks.

I don't expect the birthday person to pay for me, if anything it would be the other way around.

I'm glad I don't have friends that expect this because we'd never be able to afford to have celebrations!

PMSL

This must be generational. Or maybe cultural (I'm only a quarter English, quarter Irish, the rest of me is French)? But in my world, you invite people, you give them hospitality!

Why did he invite lots of people to his house and provide nothing? I find that strange.

I’ve been skint at times in my life, and had skint friends. I think I’d say, “It’s DH’s birthday and we’d love to hang out in the pub with you, we’ll be at X place at X time. Please don’t bring a present, we just want to catch up and see everyone.”

Ditto!

So let me get this straight - people on this thread would rather not see their friends on their birthdays for the sake of a bowl of crisps?

One would think that one might remember to eat their supper before attending a house party. One wouldn’t want to be hungry. Failing that, one could always get a quick kebab on the way home.

No.

I agree. Lots of friends have reserved areas for their birthdays in London. I've (nor my friends) have gone expecting to be fed and watered at the expense of the birthday person- it's always been a chance to get together, see some old faces and enjoy a evening out. I know this is a generational (and perhaps regional) thing though - my parents would never dream of hosting and expecting others to pay, whereas my generation wouldn't host and be expected to pay, as it would just be a get together in a bar. I know everyone is different though and guess it just depends on the group and the 'norms'

If you're broke then dont have this?! Bladdy bonkers if you ask me - why not just spend an evening with him just you two?!

Lots of people on here don't actually like their friends or want any. 😄

Do you actually have any friends, just out of interest?

Except it’s not the pub….it’s a swanky central London bar

Honestly don't overthink it. In a bar people won't be expecting food. At the most I'd see if they can do some nuts and olives or other bar snacks. People will eat first.

It sounds like a lovely idea and hopefully your friends won't be as desperate to be snarky as some on here. 😉

Did I miss something or have you already invited people? Seems like a cart/horse situation and now you’re looking for reassurance that it’s ok not to provide anything.

So if that’s the case and you don’t have the money to provide a drink(s) and food, your option is to not provide drinks or food.

Not sure there is full agreement in this thread so his friends will either be fine with it or they’ll think you rude. 🤷‍♀️

I think it is generational - finding a lot of these responses quite odd! (I’m mid 30s)