Uni flat dishes - who is in the wrong?

[Poiuytrewql]

DD is in her first year at a London Uni.

Her flatmates (and I’m sure DD) leave the sink full of dishes constantly. Not unsurprising. Student 1 made a bolognese and was going home for the weekend. The pan they washed got food bits and fat over the dishes that were left in the sink. Student 2 found this foul and printed off a note and stuck it to the door reprimanding this behaviour.

I believe my daughter is in the right but dh thinks she is not. Not sure if my bias for my child is clouding my judgement.

Who is in the wrong?

I was going to suggest this. It's what I did many years ago when I had a lodger. She had her own bowl.

Both wrong but unfortunately part and parcel of uni houses usually.

Leaving a note “reprimanding” won’t ever go well though 😐

I absolutely HATE it when people leave dirt dishes in the sink. It’s such a pain for anyone else that wants to use the sink. The person who left their dirty dishes in the sink is in the wrong.
I usually take any dishes out before I do washing up, but you can’t really expect someone to do that. If I’d been left that note I would be tempted to put their dirty dishes in their bedroom if they left them in the sink again (although I wouldn’t because it’s not worth the drama).
I think being at uni you have to learn how to live with other people, part of that is learning not to inconvenience your housemates, but the other part is learning that leaving passive aggressive notes usually doesn’t achieve anything except a falling out.

None of them are really 'right' I realise that the student washing their pan did the right thing by not leaving it. BUT they did make a mess around the sink (and other people's stuff and they were wrong for essentially putting the sink out of use). The note is just what people do when they're enraged and not thinking things through. They've all got to share a resource. It's going to need better cooperation all round

I wish people grew out of this manky behaviour but many don’t. Our office kitchen was disgusting. Every Monday you’d come in to a group email, asking whoever had left dirty cups/plates/cutlery in the sink to not do it again. Every week they did. I would have caught them at it, and banned them from using it.

Student 2 is in the wrong. Stop leaving dishes in the sink. Lazy lot.

I would have removed the dirty dishes from the sink and nearly stacked them on the side then washed my things 🤔

It's a bit grubby to wash up and leave things festering in dirty water

OP, it doesn't matter! Stop getting so involved. The kids in the flat own the dishes, and this is part of growing up and learning to live away from home. If your child asks you again, just say it's nothing to do with you, and you hope they manage to sort it out.
Then talk about something much less tedious than dirty dishes.

The joys of student life. 🤣

I guess maybe... I mean, they all need washing so I'm not sure it makes that much difference but I take your point.

Feels like play stupid games, win stupid prizes either way doesn't it haha

Getting stressed out by gross flatmates not cleaning up after themselves is an important part of the process of growing up. The slobbier ones learn that their slobbiness impacts on others and makes them unpopular and they learn to be a bit more considerate. The uptight ones learn to relax a little and learn how to decide where their boundaries are and assert them when necessary. They all learn that their own worldview isn't the default.

I seem to remember from my own student days three hundred years ago, a big cardboard box in the corner of the kitchen decorated with "toxic health hazard" signs on it, and dirty items left by the slobs would be dumped in that, while those people who wanted to be able to use clean items and were happy to wash them up afterwards would keep their own stuff in their room rather than risk them being used and left encrusted with dirt for days.

I do not miss uni days for this aspect only.

I was lucky in my first year as the others in my flat in halls were all similarly tidy.

I my final year I moved back to halls and would clean my stuff and put it in my cupboard. My housemates who could not be arsed to clean their stuff would just help themself to my crockery…which they would leave dirty on the side!

I am not ashamed to leave a note saying not to touch the crockery inside my cupboard but it did not use!

Solution - get a washing up bowl, then dirty dishes can be lifted out en masse and other people can use the sink. The actual answer is for everyone to wash their dishes immediately after using and not hog the sink by leaving them so that everyone else has to work around them. The unreasonable person/persons in this scenario are the ones that left their dirty dishes in a sink shared by others - revolting and selfish.

Student 1, presumably.

Whoever left the dishes in the sink needs to be told 'your mum dosen't work here, you need to clean up after yourself and it's a shame your parents didn't tell you that before you left home'.

Leaving a note on a door is pretty much always a dick move

Yes, preferably on a typed up A4 in Calibri font, size 32.

why on earth would you involve yourselves in your daughters housemate washing up disputes? 😁😮😐

You know this kind of thing is going to go on for as long as your DD shares a house, and then if she lives with a partner there will probaly be similar issues too.

I’m guessing student 2, as my sense is that OP feels the indignant note is justified?

Was the person who left dirty plates in the sink waiting for the Washing Up Fairy to come overnight? I think they'll find that she's back home enjoying a significantly cleaner house and kitchen than she did in August.

Your daughter was fine to leave the dirty dishes, even if she made them dirtier.
You are not fine to call your 18 year old an August baby. Stop that.

Or not… just seen the later update. DD needs to show consideration to her housemates and wash up after herself.

Exactly this. Sinks are for washing up in, not plate storage. Absolutely no problem washing up a pan in the sink, and noone grubby and lazy enough to leave crockery in the sink can complain if it makes it more mucky. What else is the pan user supposed to do?

At DS university halls there was a complaints reporting procedure for slobby students. Came in very useful with overseas students who had zero housekeeping skills. They'd send in a cleaner and fine the offending students £70 each I think.

Haha me too! I was messy at uni though, I couldn't imagine being like that now, I think the tidy ones struggled across the board.

Although I would not have moaned about someone's bolognaise on my plates. I'm sure it was gross as making lasagne or bolognaise comes with the orange layer of fat each and every time, that stuff smells and it sticky.

I'd imagine the same person who wrote the note hasn't cooked those dishes yet and when they do, will understand it's gross even with a clean sink!