Uni flat dishes - who is in the wrong?

[Poiuytrewql]

DD is in her first year at a London Uni.

Her flatmates (and I’m sure DD) leave the sink full of dishes constantly. Not unsurprising. Student 1 made a bolognese and was going home for the weekend. The pan they washed got food bits and fat over the dishes that were left in the sink. Student 2 found this foul and printed off a note and stuck it to the door reprimanding this behaviour.

I believe my daughter is in the right but dh thinks she is not. Not sure if my bias for my child is clouding my judgement.

Who is in the wrong?

This, can’t expect to leave a sink full of dishes for ages then complain when someone uses the sink.

^^this

tell them to watch Dana K White - Do dishes Daily.

In a flat share the ONLY option that works is to do your dishes after eating. Anything else just causes ill feeling & arguments.

Yuck on the dirty dishes in the sink. The other student washed up their things. Anything left in the sink would get covered in the washing up water. Tell your dd and friends to wash up instead of writing nasty notes.

Nope

Just curious if I was being bias cause I thought dd was fine
DD wnbu, yabu because it is biased not bias.

Flatmates need to come to a sensible compromise. Those who think they should be entitled to leave their dishes in the sink need to pay for a separate washing-up basin which can be left next to the sink. All non-washed up plates and cups go in there, leaving the sink clear for other items to be washed up.

No sympathy whatsoever for plate-leaver but they're all going to have to find a way to live together.

This is why going away from home as a student is a good idea. Learning about other people’s hygiene standards and how to negotiate and sort out minor life problems.It’s the way to grow up.
So keep out of it , mum. It’s not your problem.

Student 2 sounds alright, student 1 is cheeky.

If I made food and washed my pans/dishes then had a note left complaining that whilst washing my pans I got some extra dirt on the pile of already dirty dishes left in the sink I would be telling someone to fuck right off.

the one who washed up is in the right, but to be honest when I was at uni and the flat note leaver would leave passive aggressive notes I would just do whatever it was worse until they spoke to me in person. Immature I know and now I wouldn’t handle it that way, but I was quiet the little shit. To avoid stuff like this in the future I’d say try and schedule a flat meeting once a week or however often is needed. It actually did wonders for my first year flat.

I'd probably have moved the other stuff out first to wash a lasagne dish tbh so I think both in the wrong.

The note printer more though!

@Poiuytrewql

also, it's really not necessary to state it's a London university, I get you're proud of her, but it's going to grate on people, she's at uni/in a flat share, being a scuzzy minx is being a scuzzy minx wherever she is!

☺️

I believe my daughter is in the right but dh thinks she is not. Not sure if my bias for my child is clouding my judgement.

Both you and your DH should tell your DD to wash her dishes after using them so she won't have this problem.

Also tell her that now she is at uni she needs to not tell you about her petty squabbles like this. If someone moves out and dumps her and others with the rent then yes she should tell you. However washing dishes, refusing to vacuum a floor, or similar is not stuff she should be sharing with you.

@Poiuytrewql

its not unusual for them to each have their own washing up bowl which they leave on the side & do their own dishes in their own time. This could be an option if they have the space.

but leaving dishes in the sink just does not work!!

I have a friend who never did dishes. Housemates bought a clear box and the dishes went into that until they did them after a few days.

This.

And, why the heck are you bothered about it - let them sort it out, they need to learn to deal with these kind of irritations in an adult way - clue, this is not writing Pag AGG notes.

Student 1 is right in general. If you put dishes in a sink you can’t then get upset if people use the sink.

however I’m assuming there’s an element going on that you’re going to drip feed us in a bit where the student who’s dishes are in the sink is vegetarian / vegan / halal and your daughter got meat all over their dishes In which case I think that is pretty disrespectful of her.

Oh you can. That's what a bucket or washing up bowl is for. Put the dirty crap in and leave it and get on with using the sink. If there's no vessel to put the stuff in then it gets messier somewhere else.

DS took a washing up bowl last year in halls. So could remove other people’s skanky plates from sink. Wash his stuff up and put skanky plates back in dirty sink

I don't miss this stuff at all.

Student 2 sounds deranged.

But how can anyone wash their dishes if there's multiple other people's dishes in the sink? So the sink gets chock full of dishes and then one student decides they're finally going to wash their week's worth of dishes so starts fishing each of their cups and plates and cutlery out individually to wash? Madness!

@PoachesPeaches I was about to recommend this to the OP!

Advise your DD to buy a cheap washing up bowl or a plastic box. Next time she needs to wash her things up, she can put the dirty items in the bowl/box on the side.

Perhaps get a pair of rubber gloves too, I wouldn't particularly want to touch dishes that have been festering for days. Urgh.

I was born in September which entitles me to park across dropped kerbs and, probably, take a dribbly dog (if I had one) into an Hospital Operating Theatre.

This.

Cook dinner, eat dinner, wash up.

Like grownups.

Yabu for being a pendant.

@Cosyblankets

sell, I'll start by saying student 2 is in the wrong, she shouldn't have left her dishes in the sink & shouldn't have left a note. She should have just accepted she'd left her mess in someone else's way.

i wouldn't leave my dishes in the sink because I don't think it's fair on everyone else & because I wouldn't want them made 'dirtier'. I'm vegetarian & low carb, so mainly eat quite clean food (like salad) so, the dishes are 'used' but not really 'dirty' like with meat & grease.

Someone in my daughter's halls bought 8 washing up bowls and everyone had to put their own unwashed dishes into their own bowls. It did work, but it was quite funny going into her kitchen and seeing them all there.