Could this be passive aggressive fat shaming?

[Blueberryancakes]

Im a UK 20 and I feel the heat. I’m always a bit warm. My work gets very hot. Big windows and no ventilation.

I rarely put the air con on because as soon as I do some of the woman I work with complain it’s too cold. I bring a desk fan to
work with me and keep it aimed at me and no one else.
I work at a doctors surgery. Lots of the patients make comments about how hot it is in the waiting room. Some even wait outside.Very often woman patients always make a comment on my fan saying how they could never work with a fan as they’d be freezing. If the air con is turned on some woman will comment how cold it is.
I think FFS it’s not you that has to sit in here all day. Men never complain, never comment. It’s mainly middle aged
woman. Yes I’m fat, yes I get hot. I try my best to have a small discreet fan on my desk. But woman seem to make such a song and dance about it.
My husband said today he thinks it’s a passive aggressive way for them to call me fat.
Anyone else think there’s any truth in this?
Is it a way to come across ultra feminine to be cold?
Sorry if this come across bonkers?

But op is then performatively too hot then, sitting in front of a fan?

I think the faux naivety and defensiveness is interesting. I've said multiple times it's not about being cold/wearing gloves/not eating much. It's about giving others the side-eye to make sure they're all watching.

Oh yeah, I qualify for that. There's no way I can keep up the pace men eat at. I was trying it the other night at McDonald's when we were in a hurry. I had to chuck half a Big Mac in my handbag in the end.

Who should I apologise to first?

@KerryBlues we've been over this upthread. It's thinness that is prized in our culture not being fat. And being thin and being cold are correlated. So a size 20 person is not going to show off about being too hot.

I’m starting to think the world you live in is entirely based on sitcoms.

I’m not naturally skinny , I have the endomorphic body type and have worked hard this year on my diet and exercise to get to a healthier weight. And yes I have used willpower, discipline and self control to achieve this. I wouldn’t look down on anyone who struggles with their weight, I know how hard it has been to get here.

I’ve enjoyed making the changes but it’s not my business to comment on anyone else’s lifestyle. I don’t know what’s going on mentally or physically with them

Anyway, this thread is about feeling cold. It doesn’t matter what weight I am, I’m always cold.

Why?

It's giving me early Friends with "Fat Monica" vibes.

@KerryBlues also she specifically said she DISCREETLY uses a fan.

God, nobody’s being defensive @TheGreatIndoors
We just haven’t a clue what you’re on about. Feeling excessively cold (or hot, in op’s case) isn’t remotely like performance parenting.
It’s not exclusive to thin people either.

How do you discreetly use a fan? 😂
Hide it up your jumper?

One more time @KerryBlues it's not about FEELING cold it's about PERFORMANCE! (Making sure EVERYONE KNOWS that you're cold, because you're so thin and fragile, not like that fatty over there!)

Jesus.

Your husband saying that is just weird, almost passive aggressive

Also, women patients. Hormones lead to greater fluctuations in body temp 🤷‍♀️

Elderly feel the cold more too so I’d imagine it’s a friendly way to fill any awkward silence for many.

I don't know. I get cold, I wear big jumpers, I pull my sleeves over my wrists, I am wearing hand warmers right now, and I can't eat a Big Mac fast enough. I don't especially like cake either.

I'm just getting on with my life but I'm the living personification of passive aggression by the sound of it.

Or maybe they’re just fucking cold.
It’s not exclusive to thin people, just like being too hot is not exclusive to fat people.
You’ve got issues.

Why do you think someone would pretend to be cold in order to call a clearly overweight person fat 'passive aggressively'?

Could it be that their temperature is different to yours? And why are you alleging it's specifically only middle aged women who might complain?
Maybe they're having peri/menopause?

People with lower body weights do feel the cold a bit more. It sounds like you're the one making assumptions about women in quite a derogatory fashion.

Everyone should feel comfortable at work and it's great you've got your fan. The Aircon should be on at a mutually agreed temperature. Which obviously means most people aren't quite cool/warm enough sadly.

Aircon wars in offices are nothing new, but basing it on sex/weight seems pretty unnecessary.

I used to be a waiter at a private catering firm, I was never asked for a tiny sliver of cake.

I myself however will ask for a very small portion of cake, I weigh 97kg, I’m a type one diabetic, you do realise lots of type one diabetics are women.

Question. Has any thin woman ever told you that they do this? Have you ever overheard any thin woman saying this? Or is this something you've entirely made up, and decided must be happening because this is how you feel when thin women say they're cold or ask for a small slice of cake?

Because that sounds exhausting, and I'd really recommend therapy. I can assure you that when I'm freezing my arse off in the office, the only time I think about fat women is if it's one of them and not a man who's hogging the A/C. And it's not a gleeful thought. It's a "fuck me I am FREEZING, turn that bastard thing off!" thought.

Sorry I just read your title. Yes it’s passive aggressive fat shaming, from your husband.

You’ve got it exactly right. Using a fan is not performative “hotness” but wearing a big warm sweater is performative “coldness”.

I just don’t like cake or sweet things very much. Never have, never will - give me savoury instead and I’ll be happy. I wasn’t aware that having a little slice of it (mainly to be polite) was so offensive?

Must be exhausting going through life with so much bitter energy, thinking that the entire world is performing just to annoy you. Don’t you realise how unhealthy and ridiculous your attitude is?

I hate to ruin the party but I’m fat and cold. I’m also short and fat and cold so my cuffs usually come over my hands unless I roll them up. If I complain about being cold when someone has got the window open and fan on it’s because I’m cold and fed up of the draught. Just cold is more tolerable than a howling cold wind .

@CherryValley5 it's when women say loudly "ohhh just a TINY slice for me, I coudn't possibly manage a WHOLE slice to myself" . Like they want everyone around them to know they're oh-so-disciplined/dainty

Have you guys honestly never seen the competitive undereaters threads on here? They are quite often the MIL with the "bird" appetite but having sly digs at the slightly overweight OP (the DIL)

I think a lot of people didn’t read this post properly. This is not just about the colleagues who naturally have an opinion about the temperature in their workplace. It is about patients - some of whom have to sit outside because the waiting room is too warm which doesn’t seem ideal. And some patients who feel the need to comment how they couldn’t work with a fan blowing on them (the fan that is blowing solely on the OP and nobody else.) Why are they commenting? Why does everyone need to know they would be cold in the OP’s circumstances?

I’m an average sized person who has always run hot. It is horrible to feel overheated, makes you feel faint and sometimes nauseous. There are only so many clothes you can take off before you need some kind of climate control. In the last 18 months having chemo and the after effects have made me feel cold all the time - having to wear socks to bed in the middle of the Australian summer. Having experienced both, it is infinitely better to be cold. You just wear more clothes!

My appetite has also been significantly reduced since my cancer surgery. When I go out for dinner with friends I eat a lot less than they do. And the only people who notice/comment are the type who will trawl through the menu moaning that everything is too big for them. They’re the only ones trying to get me to eat more! Everyone else just orders their food and lets me do the same.

As you can see from this thread in 2019, competitive undereating has been "a thing" on MN for a long time!

Your favourite competitive under-eating thread | Mumsnet