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AIBU?

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Original poster

Could this be passive aggressive fat shaming?

477 replies

Blueberryancakes · 16/09/2024 21:18

Im a UK 20 and I feel the heat. I’m always a bit warm. My work gets very hot. Big windows and no ventilation.

I rarely put the air con on because as soon as I do some of the woman I work with complain it’s too cold. I bring a desk fan to
work with me and keep it aimed at me and no one else.
I work at a doctors surgery. Lots of the patients make comments about how hot it is in the waiting room. Some even wait outside.Very often woman patients always make a comment on my fan saying how they could never work with a fan as they’d be freezing. If the air con is turned on some woman will comment how cold it is.
I think FFS it’s not you that has to sit in here all day. Men never complain, never comment. It’s mainly middle aged
woman. Yes I’m fat, yes I get hot. I try my best to have a small discreet fan on my desk. But woman seem to make such a song and dance about it.
My husband said today he thinks it’s a passive aggressive way for them to call me fat.
Anyone else think there’s any truth in this?
Is it a way to come across ultra feminine to be cold?
Sorry if this come across bonkers?

OP posts:
HungryLittleCrocodile · 16/09/2024 22:20

Are you going to come back and answer the question @Blueberryancakes

What has ANYone at your workplace said to you that is 'fat-shaming?' Because I can't see it.

Is it just because your husband said 'it’s a passive aggressive way to call you fat?'

To be honest, it sounds to me like the only one having a pop at your weight is your husband.

Bellatrixpure · 16/09/2024 22:21

@Comedycook Or they could be you know, actually cold!

Your comments are hilarious, you seem to have a real anger towards people who feel the cold. What have they done to you?

AmberAlert86 · 16/09/2024 22:21

I'm very overweight but I'm mostly cold. In any shared office I worked in there's always been "I'm freezing" and "I'm boiling" camps. Don't think they were size related. Men seemed to be more likely to want air-conditioning on

CantBelieveNaive · 16/09/2024 22:21

Don't think it is passive aggressive at all. What is your husband stirring shot?
It is a fact of life if you have Loren later so of fat you will Bev warm we and if youve got less layers you will probably be colder.
Keep yourself cool if you have to. Are you peri or menopausal?

Comedycook · 16/09/2024 22:22

Bellatrixpure · 16/09/2024 22:21

@Comedycook Or they could be you know, actually cold!

Your comments are hilarious, you seem to have a real anger towards people who feel the cold. What have they done to you?

I'm not in the least bit angry ...and obviously some people will feel genuinely cold or have medical issues etc. But there is a particular type who love to portray themselves as particularly fragile

OldTinHat · 16/09/2024 22:23

I think it's just personal taste.

My friend and I are both a UK 20. I gave her a lift recently and I had the window open and the cold air fan blowing. She said she was freezing, could I put the heater on. Well, by the time I'd dropped her home 10 mins later, I was soaked in sweat! Soon as she got out, I opened all the windows again and whacked the fan on full!

GiddyRobin · 16/09/2024 22:24

Bellatrixpure · 16/09/2024 22:21

@Comedycook Or they could be you know, actually cold!

Your comments are hilarious, you seem to have a real anger towards people who feel the cold. What have they done to you?

Them being teeny tiny seems to be the main issue, as she jumped on the now deleted post to agree very quickly.

Also not a particularly nice way of thinking about other women. All of these chilly skinnies (with possible circulation issues), all competing against each other apparently.

Baffling!

JohnTheRevelator · 16/09/2024 22:25

Yes I agree with you. It never ceases to amaze me the low threshold that a lot of women people have for being cold. In my part of the country today it was 19 degrees,and my friend who was wearing a coat, said she was 'freezing'. As for people on buses who start aggressively slamming all the windows shut the moment the temperature drops below 20 degrees in the shade,they can just fuck off. If you're cold,wear a damn jumper! We don't all enjoy sitting on stuffy,airless buses.

JohnTheRevelator · 16/09/2024 22:25

Yes I agree with you. It never ceases to amaze me the low threshold that a lot of women people have for being cold. In my part of the country today it was 19 degrees,and my friend who was wearing a coat, said she was 'freezing'. As for people on buses who start aggressively slamming all the windows shut the moment the temperature drops below 20 degrees in the shade,they can just fuck off. If you're cold,wear a damn jumper! We don't all enjoy sitting on stuffy,airless buses.

Comedycook · 16/09/2024 22:25

GiddyRobin · 16/09/2024 22:24

Them being teeny tiny seems to be the main issue, as she jumped on the now deleted post to agree very quickly.

Also not a particularly nice way of thinking about other women. All of these chilly skinnies (with possible circulation issues), all competing against each other apparently.

Baffling!

Edited
Show quote history

There are thin women who feel the cold who manage not to do the 'poor little me' routine as described by a pp.

TheGreatIndoors · 16/09/2024 22:26

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Gcsunnyside23 · 16/09/2024 22:26

No I don't think so, some people are always cold and some aren't. I'm always super warm no matter if I've been size 10 or 16

HeliotropePJs · 16/09/2024 22:26

I hate feeling hot, so I sympathise with you on that point, but I think there's nothing to be gained by suspecting everyone of trying to insult you simply because they say they're cold. Better to try not to take it personally. Even if you knew someone was trying to make a sly comment on your weight, what can you do about it? You're at work and have to behave professionally. Your best bet is to assume people are just innocently trying to make conversation (or hoping you can turn off the air conditioning so they'll be more comfortable).

Comedycook · 16/09/2024 22:27

JohnTheRevelator · 16/09/2024 22:25

Yes I agree with you. It never ceases to amaze me the low threshold that a lot of women people have for being cold. In my part of the country today it was 19 degrees,and my friend who was wearing a coat, said she was 'freezing'. As for people on buses who start aggressively slamming all the windows shut the moment the temperature drops below 20 degrees in the shade,they can just fuck off. If you're cold,wear a damn jumper! We don't all enjoy sitting on stuffy,airless buses.

It was quite warm in London at the weekend...20 degrees and sunny. I saw a woman in a jumper, floor length puffer coat, wooly hat and scarf. I wondered what on earth she would wear when it's actually cold outside?

cantreallyno · 16/09/2024 22:27

I used to work in building services, and it's a fact that women feel cold more than men, they typically are comfortable with temperatures in work places at around 4-6 degrees hotter than men

KerryBlues · 16/09/2024 22:28

You’re working very hard to be offended here, op.

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 16/09/2024 22:28

Statistically, women feel the cold more than men. They also make small talk more than men. That's probably why they say it to you.

Round3HereWeGo · 16/09/2024 22:29

The only one who commented on your weight was your husband.

YABU. People get hot, people get cold. The hot ones hate heaters and the cold ones hate fans. Nothing to do with weight.

GlitchStitch · 16/09/2024 22:29

HungryLittleCrocodile · 16/09/2024 22:20

🙄

Something tells me that you are over-egging your colleague's behaviour and actions. Wink

Show quote history

Think what you like, you don't have to work with her 🤷

GiddyRobin · 16/09/2024 22:30

Comedycook · 16/09/2024 22:25

There are thin women who feel the cold who manage not to do the 'poor little me' routine as described by a pp.

Show quote history

I read that post, and it sounds like she's genuinely just bloody cold! She could have Raynauds for all you know. It's horrible being in work and trying to concentrate when you're freezing. And yes, some people do comment on it like it's a joke if you dare wrap up.

Meanwhile there's someone hogging the A/C, fanning themselves and wearing sleeveless tops, but it's apparently not on to mention that.

Do teeny tinies have to hide their discomfort for a full 8 hours?

AhBiscuits · 16/09/2024 22:30

There's nothing worse than freezing my tits off with air-con blasting down my neck. I absolutely hate it. It's nothing to do with your weight.

skinnyoptionsonly · 16/09/2024 22:30

This is weird

Bellatrixpure · 16/09/2024 22:36

Comedycook · 16/09/2024 22:22

I'm not in the least bit angry ...and obviously some people will feel genuinely cold or have medical issues etc. But there is a particular type who love to portray themselves as particularly fragile

Show quote history

Ok,

TheGreatIndoors · 16/09/2024 22:36

I sometimes see the same handful of women at work pulling massive cardigans round them, pulling their sleeves over their hands, clutching their hot drinks theatrically and wearing scarves inside. They also want to crank the heating up to a level that would scandalise a Swedish sauna-keeper, doubt they would do that if they were paying for it.

I do think there's a performative aspect to it. They're all friends and I think it's a sort of mass hysteria thing tbh.

The rest of us just work on, bemused.

Kittybluecat · 16/09/2024 22:36

I think it's an English thing. We talk about the weather including temperatures. We point out unusual things such as using air con when it's not that hot temp wise. I don't think your size is relevant.