Could this be passive aggressive fat shaming?

[Blueberryancakes]

Im a UK 20 and I feel the heat. I’m always a bit warm. My work gets very hot. Big windows and no ventilation.

I rarely put the air con on because as soon as I do some of the woman I work with complain it’s too cold. I bring a desk fan to
work with me and keep it aimed at me and no one else.
I work at a doctors surgery. Lots of the patients make comments about how hot it is in the waiting room. Some even wait outside.Very often woman patients always make a comment on my fan saying how they could never work with a fan as they’d be freezing. If the air con is turned on some woman will comment how cold it is.
I think FFS it’s not you that has to sit in here all day. Men never complain, never comment. It’s mainly middle aged
woman. Yes I’m fat, yes I get hot. I try my best to have a small discreet fan on my desk. But woman seem to make such a song and dance about it.
My husband said today he thinks it’s a passive aggressive way for them to call me fat.
Anyone else think there’s any truth in this?
Is it a way to come across ultra feminine to be cold?
Sorry if this come across bonkers?

Agree. It's the chill of the air con rather than the temp of the whole room which gets into my bones.

It's your fingers that gets to me. I could barely move my fingers to type because it was that cold in my old office.

I'd complain to my manager that it was seriously affecting my productivity, but she was already on my side. We used to hide electric heaters under our desks to keep warm. We weren't allowed them because they weren't PAT tested. So someone would give the alert if the electrician came round so we could unplug them.

I never saw who was messing with the air con because it was a huge HQ, but I swear to you I'd punch whoever it was square in the face if I ever find them. I pledge vengeance, in this life or the next!

@Calliopespa last year driving the car was a challenge 😂 I have invested in some nice driving gloves so I feel about 80. I have had to buy a snood for going out on walks as I get a bad jaw ache and ear ache from any cold air. Yes I believe that body fat produces hormones, so mine are probably all over the place. I’ve also had surgical procedures on my womb and ovaries for hormonal related conditions and got investigated for a prolactinoma a few years ago (was fine but high levels unexplained tbh). If it’s worse this year I might have to start the medication. I can only wish I was too hot

I am not sure I can equate being a bit hot and warm with being so cold you can’t move your fingers properly. Air con is the worst for this. Being a bit hot is usually mildly uncomfortable. Is anyone sweating profusely in an office in the UK outside of June-Aug? Being cold due to cold air being blown on you or lack of heating can mean you can’t actually do your job properly.

Adding layers doesn’t always warm up the cold areas if it’s raynauds related, raising my core temp doesn’t help its my extremities. Am I to wear gloves to type on my keyboard so Brenda can have air blowing at her

Please explain the link of being fat or obese, and a fucking fan?

Jesus I despair.

Stop projecting and stop being a victim. Most of the population are fat or obese, you're not a minority OP. Fat insulates. I'm slim and feel the cold. It's not an attack on you if I vocalise that. If you take it as an attack, that's your issue. So no, it's not competitive coldness or being ultra feminine. We don't have as much fat or muscle keeping us warm.

'Yes agree it's the teeny tiny types'

@Comedycook

What, like the porky worky types that get hot? By your shit analogy

And 'teeny tiny' people, she doesn't seem to like them either. I wonder why that is..

There are also a huge number of fat people who scoff and mock slim people.

I'm a size 6-8, the only criticism I've ever received have been from obese people.
Works both ways. If someone wants to me smug proud of their slim figure that they've worked hard for, or not, that's totally fine. It's not an insult to fat people. Most people are fat. If you take it as 'smug' that's your problem I'm afraid.

Comments about my weight from people who can't even see me really don't get to me...also, unlike you it seems, I don't equate weight with my worth as human being, so it really doesn't bother me.

Oh and I actually haven't said anything unpleasant about thin women. I just fine the types who constantly go on about their tiny appetites to be extremely tedious and quite transparent

But it’s entirely irrelevant if you feel the cold and it’s entirely irrelevant if OP’s patients are cold due to OP’s small desktop fan aimed at her alone.

Everyone needs to keep their beak out and just let OP do her job. She has said she doesn’t put the AC on to accommodate other people, no more should be expected of her.

I couldn’t care less what temperature OP is, nor would I ask a receptionist to turn the heating up for my own comfort. My issue is that OP is assuming that every woman who naturally feels cold is simply putting on an act in order to appear ‘ultra feminine’ and insult her for being fat. The victim attitude here is ridiculous.

@Comedycook you have made unnecessary descriptions on slim people. 'Teeny tiny' as an example. You could've just said slim. Your undertones don't go unnoticed.

Would you rather someone describe you as fatty? Or just fat.

No, that wouldn't be my first thought. Caroline Criado Perez's book, Invisible Women, highlights that most offices are 5 degrees too cold for women, because they have slower metabolisms than men, and the formula for establishing the 'correct' office temperature was based on the metabolic resting rate of a 40 year old, 70kg man.

I don't doubt you when you say your office is hot and many patients complain about it. But it would seem that some of your female patients legitimately find the air conditioning cold and I'd think it more likely that they're just making chitchat when they say they'd find it cold to be sat in front of a fan all day.

She hasn’t said ‘every woman’ is doing this. She is talking about the women in her surgery.

You say the victim attitude is ridiculous yet you’ve made yourself the victim in this.

I get this constantly at work from my colleagues! I am a size 16 and always hot . We have barely had the air con on at all this year because they complain. I have said that I can't physically wear any less clothing! I wear a t shirt all year round and sorts in the summer. If I open the window next to me one of the women will loudly say that 'it's cold in here' I have replied 'maybe you need a cardigan?' I'm peri menopausal so suffer being extra hot at times any way. People can be rude but I would just ignore it

The teeny tiny phrase has been used on here for ages....it's not a description of size more a description of how certain people want others to perceive them.

And there's a huge difference between talking about sizes and types of people in general and throwing actual insults at individuals

Agreed. Slim is not the same as "teeny tiny". The latter make being thin and having a bird-like appetite their entire personality. (Usually because they have to work at being thin as opposed to it coming naturally so they want recognition for it)

She actually isn’t “ assuming” that; she had had that suggested to her and is now wondering if posters think it is yet another sideswipe at her weight - I guess she is asking so she can better decide how to field it.
There is in society an enormous sense of “ entitlement “ around how rude people can be about weight and how acceptable jokes or outspoken comments are. I’m not overweight, but that hasn’t stopped me noticing and being quite shocked how, in a worked where we RIGHTLY do not comment on our views of someone’s intellect or disability or skin colour or social background ( unless it’s a toff, in which case it seems to be open season) there are these remaining little blind spots of pejorative judgment and discrimination. It is usually justified as a health “ concern” but thinness can be unhealthy too and no one is going to berate an anorexic about how their appearance is “ all their fault.” Nor should they. So why the sense that commenting rudely about heaviness is acceptable? I feel this is where the “ teeny tiny “ pushback has come from. It does create a sense of thin people being mean types if they make these comments ( and they do). Hence op’s question… which has , predictably, elicited the “everything is your own fault because you are a paranoid overweight person and your DH probably thinks it” comments. It’s just mean. So yeah… she probably is a bit paranoid.

Less body fat does make for a colder person usually. That’s physiology.

Competitive coldness is definitely a thing for many women and it’s definitely linked to this fact!

It is likely a way of making themselves feel thin (which for many people is of utmost importance) rather than making you feel bad,

I confess I did the teeny tiny thing the other day. I cut a muffin in half at work with a sharp knife, did not touch the muffin at all except to pick up my half. My male colleague was like ‘who is going to eat your half of the muffin?!’. The muffin was gone within 5 minutes! I really wanted the whole muffin but calorie count would not allow it.

Yes. Where it happens this way (and I’d not just an innocent comment about being cold, which it CAN be because I’ve done it) it is definitely linked to a neediness to have the thinness acknowledged. And I think this is where the idea that thin people are judgmental comes from. It’s as if they make a great effort to be thin because they know how harshly they would judge someone else for it. But these comments can also just be obliviousness.

@armadillio only counts as "teeny tiny" behaviour if you loudly proclaimed how HUGGGGGGEEEE the muffin was and how your tiny tummy could never cope with it so made a huge song and dance about getting a knife and someone to share with.

skinny people get hot too, what with the metabolism effect of all that exercise they’re doing

Haha, none of that, I went right in there with my knife 🤣, no comments!

And how exactly are we to know that the women in her surgery are being unreasonable? If the majority are too cold in the air con (which I’d tend to agree with, it’s unnecessary in the UK) then OP is the issue. I’m not playing the victim here - personally I don’t think that women who tell me that they’re too hot or too cold are trying to shame me for my weight.

Beautifully put! And well done on your weight loss, too. Working so hard on anything, especially when you're surrounded by absolute idiots who want to try and throw off your progress, is really difficult. It sounds like you're doing great and I hope those nearest and dearest are supportive to make up for it.

And you're right. I have coeliac disease and the amount of times I've had people (always fat women) waving food I can't eat at me is insane. "Just one bite won't hurt". Yes, actually, it will do. But because I'm thin and it's their precious breaktime biscuits I must be lying. It's absolute batshittery. DH stopped drinking completely when I was pregnant; he had people trying to convince him to just have a drink, despite him clearly stating it wouldn't happen. I'd miscarried before and he wanted to make sure he was sober and could drive at any given moment.

It's always the people who are most uncomfortable with themselves that do it, too.

The absolute vitriol and petty mud-slinging from these two on here, who keep coming back like a dog with a bone, just proves they have a point to make. But it's all grounded in fantasy.

Thin women pouring scorn on fat women for eating a slice of cake.
Thin women making a song and dance about being cold to lord their fragility over fat women.
Men with small appetites not existing.

The stereotypes getting lashed around are wild, too. Comparing real life people to characters in films "eating steaks and salads". As though this is the only option! And even if a thin woman did choose a salad, why is that a problem for them? I love a nice salad. Had a fucking amazing one last week in Pho (place of coeliac dreams), and I'm itching to go back for another. Didn't have a dessert either, I'd much rather have some extra sides.

Why is it so bizarre to these people that this way of eating isn't grounded in misery or malice? I honestly think their own self esteem must be absolutely piss poor if they're putting so much energy into every interaction. I'd have empathy as they're clearly unhappy, but they'd probably claim that to be patronising because I'm a size 6.

It's sad, really. And I mean that genuinely.