Could this be passive aggressive fat shaming?

[Blueberryancakes]

Im a UK 20 and I feel the heat. I’m always a bit warm. My work gets very hot. Big windows and no ventilation.

I rarely put the air con on because as soon as I do some of the woman I work with complain it’s too cold. I bring a desk fan to
work with me and keep it aimed at me and no one else.
I work at a doctors surgery. Lots of the patients make comments about how hot it is in the waiting room. Some even wait outside.Very often woman patients always make a comment on my fan saying how they could never work with a fan as they’d be freezing. If the air con is turned on some woman will comment how cold it is.
I think FFS it’s not you that has to sit in here all day. Men never complain, never comment. It’s mainly middle aged
woman. Yes I’m fat, yes I get hot. I try my best to have a small discreet fan on my desk. But woman seem to make such a song and dance about it.
My husband said today he thinks it’s a passive aggressive way for them to call me fat.
Anyone else think there’s any truth in this?
Is it a way to come across ultra feminine to be cold?
Sorry if this come across bonkers?

I agree with your dh.
Re temp: you can always put on clothes, but you can't take them off. Tell your petite co-workers to put on a sweater, shawl or blanket. Talk to your boss and say you feel bullied and harassed.
I'm sorry people are being rude to you.
Some people are just hot.
And some people are very, very cold.

Some people genuinely can't eat dinner after a big lunch 🤷‍♀️ I've been a size 8-10 (I'm 39 now) my whole life. I assume my stomach is small and I therefore feel fuller more quickly, because I absolutely can't eat large portions at all (if I try I feel very sick). If I'd eaten a lot for lunch I'd probably either not have dinner or just have a snack. I'm not doing that to far shame anyone (trust me when I say I haven't got the time or energy to give a shit about anyone else's size). I'm doing it because I genuinely am not hungry and feel full.

I really hate feeling cold. Sometimes it makes my bones ache. I have never thought it was feminine though. I can tolerate heat far better than a lot of people but I don’t think that is masculine or feminine. I think people are just different. Maybe this is more to do with your husband’s views on your weight and not to do with random people in the waiting room.

Nothing to do with being fat. Its literally just a common difference between different woman in an office. We used to talk daily in my last job about how cold or hot we were and the whole 'no way are you cold! Come here have my jacket' and then some women said it must be there menopause when everyone else so cold.

F all to do with being fat. Bit odd for your husband to say that. Mind, you can never really get across on here how things were said and the tone, or how people look at you when they say it and perhaps your husband has had a more accurate description.

Or maybe some women (IME from years on MN) manage to take everything personally

It’s the other way around in my experience. People walking into a room where people are perfectly happily sitting and getting on with work, and making a big show of commenting on the temperature, opening all the windows and leaving people shivering in coats. They never seem to dress in a way which allows them to take a layer off, or just open the window they’re going to be sitting nearest.

It’s almost aggressive in the ways it’s done, like they’re the true arbiter of what is an appropriate temperature and everyone else needs to just suck it up.

Because food is the root of all happiness, to some people, so if you're dieting to be slim you must be miserable. Even if being slimmer makes you feel better, healthier and happier.
If you're not dieting, presumably you must still be miserable because you're not eating enough happiness food to make you fat. The "burger and stfu" advice will still come your way.

Oh god yes, this!! The assumptions that because I'm eating less I'm miserable and it's requiring a shit tonne of will power 🤦🏼‍♀️ Nope, I'm just eating to my own preferences and appetite, thanks. 🙄

I’m fat.
our office aircon is on all year round.
I’m cold almost all year round…

your DH is reaching at best

Same here. And it's not just women either, as some posters are trying to make out. My DH is tall and slender, and if he eats a big lunch there's no way he can manage a big dinner. On Saturday we had a big picnic lunch in the woods with the kids. Sandwiches, quiche, so on. Neither of us could eat dinner and we just had some cheese and crackers at about 10pm.

There's no fat people around to see that we're showing off or performing to. We just aren't hungry, and would have felt sick if we'd eaten.

No. Some people just feel the cold more - and women do more than men in general due to lower muscle mass so that is likely why women are commenting rather than men. Why people feel the need to comment on every little thing instead of minding their own business is another matter.

Your husband would just agree whatever you said. Path of last resistance.

I moved a company into a new office space, fitted it out too. At a feedback session, one woman said the office is too hot, another woman chimed in straight after that in her opinion, it is too cold. People feel the cold / heat differently.

I am very cold almost always and it has got a lot worse since I lost weight I believe I have raynauds actually I have to be careful with my hands and feet I had chillblains last year. My DH is always boiling. I have the issue at work with heat and I always have to make sure I am dressed in layers. I try not to be performative about it unless I am turning blue/white and it gets physically uncomfortable. A lot of my colleagues are menopausal which is why we can feel temperature differently and I might be one of them at some point. I think I was warmer when I was larger but that’s not always the case for everyone due to size so I don’t assume that a larger person will be hotter than me it depends on the person

No one in my bio family feels the cold. Male, female, short, tall, fat, thin. We keep our heating low, we sit out in T shirts when others wear fleeces, we just don’t feel the cold as much as some do.

We are also all tolerant of hot weather, we all love it.

I went from top quarter of the ‘overweight’ range on the BMI indicator to the lower quarter of the green range, and have detected no difference in how hot or cold I feel.

It’s just down to how your body is set to work,

Have you ever been tested for Raynauds? I have this and get the joint pain, tingly extremities and colour changing toes and fingers!

Bullied and harassed by who?

‘Performative’ is a personality trait. Whether it’s about food, temperature, illness etc. Some people enjoy drama and others’ attention. It’s nothing to do with body weight. Whatever the misogynists on this thread are saying.

Her husband maybe?

Possibly, but not sure what reporting this at work would do!

Exactly, such as the clearly derogatory usage of 'teenie tinies' but somehow spinning it in a martyrdom, aren't they being just awful to me!

That's fine... we're all different. The question is, do you make a big song and dance over it? Do you see others eating and exclaim that you couldn't possibly eat so much? Do you look in faux surprise when another woman has a biscuit and say how you couldn't possibly manage a whole biscuit three hours after a meal? Or other such things...

I don't. I also don't assume that other people care about my weight. Because they don't.

But it's not actually about being thin, having a small appetite or feeling the cold....it's about being a particular type of person who over hypes all these things and makes a big performance so everyone knows how fragile and vulnerable she is and therefore how she is performing womanhood and femininity better than them. Poor little me. Some of us can see through this

I don't believe this happens at all. Maybe you do hear the comments, but because you're so caught up in this theory you're reading malice or performance into them.

On Saturday after our large picnic, DH and I had friends over. We made them pizza. We didn't eat any. We said "we're still stuffed from lunch! Couldn't manage anything this soon."

Our friends just tucked in. I'm assuming you would see this as a grand performance of our thinness?

It's constant wars between the hot people and the cold people at my workplace. Nothing to do with fat.

I have always been a chilly person at any size. A fan or open window makes me miserable unless I am wearing a coat and mittens!