Could this be passive aggressive fat shaming?

[Blueberryancakes]

Im a UK 20 and I feel the heat. I’m always a bit warm. My work gets very hot. Big windows and no ventilation.

I rarely put the air con on because as soon as I do some of the woman I work with complain it’s too cold. I bring a desk fan to
work with me and keep it aimed at me and no one else.
I work at a doctors surgery. Lots of the patients make comments about how hot it is in the waiting room. Some even wait outside.Very often woman patients always make a comment on my fan saying how they could never work with a fan as they’d be freezing. If the air con is turned on some woman will comment how cold it is.
I think FFS it’s not you that has to sit in here all day. Men never complain, never comment. It’s mainly middle aged
woman. Yes I’m fat, yes I get hot. I try my best to have a small discreet fan on my desk. But woman seem to make such a song and dance about it.
My husband said today he thinks it’s a passive aggressive way for them to call me fat.
Anyone else think there’s any truth in this?
Is it a way to come across ultra feminine to be cold?
Sorry if this come across bonkers?

Most of my friends are competitively over heating (peri/menopause) and would happily rip the fan out of your hands!

I'm always cold- especially at work and take extra layers in with me and a gilet to sit at my desk. The only time in my life I've been warm was when I was pregnant. I have an underactive thyroid and never knew it was linked to that! I don't think it's ultra feminine to be cold, I'm too cold to think that much about it. I don't think anyone is being passive aggressive.

I don't think it's ultra feminine to be cold

Neither, I definitely don’t feel ultra-feminine when I’m wearing wool tights under my trousers (skirts and dresses are way too fucking cold), boots, 3-5 layers of clothing and a voluminous scarf. All autumn, winter and spring.

It’s well established that women in offices are comfortable in higher temps than men, and office temps are usually set for male comfort level and the women are freezing. When I and other women are complaining about the cold in the office, we are having a go at the men usually, and it is legitimate to complain because honestly I feel like my brain goes into hibernation when I’m cold at work. It’s never occurred to me it might be construed as a dig at someone’s weight, I’m just fucking freezing over here.

Weight and heat tolerance are not that closely related. I'm much bigger than you OP and I feel the cold really easily. I'd be freezing with a fan on all the time and it causes the joints in my hands and wrists to seize up and hurt.

No, it’s definitely a thing and Im guessing you know that.

I think it’s the larger women on this thread who seem to be angry at women who feel cold; I have seen them comment on other weight threads. The chip on their shoulder is making them see something that isn’t there.

Your husband is trying to fat shame you, I think. No one else.

I am always hot because I am menopausal.

The amount of hatred on MN for slim women is always astonishing.

Also I often reject cake, because I don't like it. Sometimes I may take a small piece to be polite. Didn't realise that was performative. Sorry for not having a sweet tooth!

Losing the chips on your shoulders will help with losing weight, should you want to.

Quite. Those two posters clearly have weight issues, using unpleasant terms like ‘teeny tinies’. They are the only ones resentfully looking at others and getting angry when women feel the cold and bringing body weight into it.

Gosh you are angry about thinner women aren’t you? I hope you can see that this is your issue that you need to work on. You may have lost some weight but you now need to address the psychology behind your overeating perhaps. And realise that being angry with slim women won’t help you.

I am overweight and permanently freezing. I do moan about being cold a lot at work, because it is hard to concentrate when you are thinking about being cold all the time. Not a thin / fat thing in my case at all.

Competitive coldness goes hand in hand with competitive "oh I could NEVER eat dinner after such a big lunch"

Competitive fatness goes hand in hand with " I love myself just as I am because I am all about body positivity" and "I am really happy with aching knees and an increased chance of diabetes and cancer", while enviously sniping at other people and using terms like "teeny tinies".

You are not fooling anyone though.

What’s the actual temperature of the room ?

Some people just run colder, and more women than men do, which explains why men don't complain about how cold it is.
They're probably just making idle conversation in most cases. Don't work yourself up about it.

The only person who's calling you fat is your DH, OP. And has it occurred to that people going to a GP surgery might be, you know, feeling ill? And maybe feel cold, even if you feel hot?

It’s your DH who is fat-shaming you, OP.

Also don’t think you’re really fine with your weight if this is your reaction to the issue in general.

Agree. It's classic self- loathing turned outward. It makes them imagine slights are being made against them. The disdain for their bodies is really their own, but it's too painful to face it so they project it onto others.

Not to say that fat shaming isn't a thing. It definitely is, but complaining about being cold is not an example of it, nor is asking for a small slice of cake. When I have cake I always take a small slice, because I know if it's good I may be going for seconds. It has nothing to do with anybody else, it's just trying to keep to a healthy diet as much as I can.

I agree. It's obviously something that's at the forefront of these people's minds, as that's the life they're living. It must absolutely be uncomfortable and frustrating having to consider this kind of thing.

I can only assume that because of this, it leaks into other aspects of their lives, too. Easily done, I suppose. But like you say, certainly not the case that thinner women are in any way using these opportunities to in some way mock or shame them.

I have a very overweight aunt. She loves horses, and horse riding is something DH and I enjoy. We're not allowed to mention it when we visit her because she's too large to ride, and horse riding is something she can't do. She believes I'm mentioning it to upset her. It couldn't be further from the truth.

It's such needless anger, too. The idea that slim women are dedicating a large chunk of their day to an over exaggerated performance of coldness just to shame them. It's actually such an egocentric way of thinking. As though thin women are so focused on their weight that they'll spend the day fake shivering just to prove some kind of point.

These kind of thoughts aren't those of happy people.

Oh for goodness sake, is there nothing that won't be given a negative spin where a 'middle aged woman' is concerned? If hoards of middle aged women are commenting on your fan while men stay silent, I'd say its far more likely that the women are simply bothering to acknowledge you with a passing remark, while the men are ignoring you, as many larger women testify men often do.
In all honesty if you're looking for fat shaming here, its a lot closer to home. Why on earth any man who is supposed to love you would try to hurt you by telling you people are judging your weight is beyond me. Seems very likely he's the one who is being passive aggressive here. He's fat shaming you by proxy.

Reposting because this is such an important point, not just for this thread but so many others!

I’m thin.

If I’m cold I put a jumper on without comment. If I’m full, I stop eating without comment. If I’m served too much, I leave some without comment.

If others are hot, I don’t comment. If others take seconds, I don’t comment,

The key is in the commentary.

Yes! I'm not sure what's super feminine about hoiking up two pairs of thermals, and wandering around work in two big giant jumpers and a bloody scarf. I buy all my winter coats in a size up so I can fit my layers under, and get sore toes from wearing too many pairs of socks crammed into boots.

There's nothing sexy and fragile about peeling down to my longjohns of a night time!