To think parents nowadays are just weak

[Alberta56]

Not sure is it just me but I feel like most parents are just soft and incapabble to discipline their own kids. I constantly see topics here and not only about small kids doing what they want - screaming, tantrums, wanting stuff and parents are just so helpless. When I go on the tube kids screaming putting their dirty feet on the seats. At home kids not wanting to eat and parents act like they own a restaurant immediately cooking something else. What's wrong with saying NO, or ""keep quiet" or " you eat whats available or "you go and play alone while mommy reads a book for 1 h". Why are parents constantly trying to keep kids entertained and spend a fortune on stupid activities. Worst thing is that I see young colleagues 18/ 19 years old coming to work and are just incapable of being a human - constantly late, all the time have to think about their feelings and emotions can't even complain to HR when they're not doing their job properly....I just don't get it really. I'm about to be a mom myself and if I need i will discipline my kid with firm approach non of that " let them express themselves" cr@p.

100% 😂😂😂

I second this. I used to judge parents before actually becoming one too. Stopped judging after I walked a mile in these shoes.

👏👏

@Wetherspoons wins the thread.

I'm about to be a mom myself

...🍿

I agree with this. But also agree that you should revisit this when your child is about 3. I was the perfect Mum, then I decided to have a baby.

Not to mention the horrendous physical and sexual abuse and neglect. Yes bring back those days why don't we?

Got it from the four yorkshiremen sketch and paraphrased the mental health bit...

Excellent piece of comedy that I'd recommend and vast majority of this thread just goes to show that this mentality exists in real life as well as in satire.

Ahh coming from someone with no children yet 😅

Fwiw I teach my children not to scream, they don't have to eat what's in front of them but they won't get a different meal either, yet I allow them to express their emotions and empathise with them whilst holding boundaries.
These things are not mutually exclusive 😆

I am mum that said things along these lines and my children are in check.
I am able to do stuff with them since they were babies and people often ask how they are well behaved in public and private.

Tbh it is easy. Just parent them and force boundaries and order. They trive on that.

I cannot believe how bad at parenting are at least 50% of UK parents compared to the rest of Europe. Although many countries are catcging up...

I once saw a young child patting a tube seat. Thick clouds of dust were floating up into the air.

That’s ‘soft’ parenting for you. A threat of a smack (not a beating!) did wonders. Hardly had to do it, hardly had to threaten it

Yep, totally agree with everything you’ve said

You can definitely teach children manners from an early age.

I think you're being a bit simplistic about some other things though. E.g. "Go and play so I can read", or "eat what's on your plate". Children don't just do what you say like robots. Things have to be worked on over long periods of time. I have a toddler who for months would only eat about 5 foods. If I never gave her alternatives to dinner, she would have become unwell and malnourished. She got over it eventually, but you can't simply tell a 2 year old that if they don't eat what's on their plate they'll go hungry. They don't understand cause and effect in the same way.
Similarly, "go and play so I can read for an hour". They may eventually reach a point where they can entertain themselves for an hour at a time, but this comes with maturity over years. For many years, it'll be more like 5 mnutes, then 15... You'll have to teach them how to set up activities for themselves, build up to not being in the same room all the time. My toddler likes to converse non stop, morning til evening, and if she's in a room where she can't see someone, she'll just come and find you. If I start reading a book, she's immediately in my face asking what I'm doing and crying for me to read it to her. She doesn't have the maturity or self-control to just go and play by herself for an hour.

So basically,yes these qualities can be cultivated over time with effort and intentionality, but it's not as simple as just telling your children what to do.

I grew up in the 90s with a “seen and not heard” mum, mainly because my grandma had 10 kids and none of them were ever seen or heard either.

My mum struggled at school, so they just sat her at the back.

A kid in my class used to throw stuff around, kick people etc - he was just badly behaved. Turns out he’s got learning difficulties.

You were actually allowed MH problems by the mid-2000s, but then someone from CAMHS would just tell you to have a bath and an early night, and get over it.

A wonderful time, we all miss it dearly. Bring back misery!

My niece and nephew eat plain pasta with tomato sauce, pizza, chicken nuggets with chips/ beans. Nothing else. All this processed food. Nephew is likely neuro diverse, is about year 4. Tantrums all the time but mainly because he has learnt that his parents do not follow what they say. They tell him game off in 10 minutes, he tantrums and they let him play longer. They have contributed to his poor behaviour.

Wow good luck. You are very naive to think that you can simply control your child.
I think it's easier to remember our own childhoods selectively and think things were different.
They weren't.
Parents are trying to navigate their children's needs and what society demands of them.
Its not easy and you will find this out soon enough. Presumably you are aware that children don't come with a rule book.
I hope you re read this post in a couple of years, ideally after your darling toddler has had a couple of public meltdowns. I'd love to hear how you dealt with them.

I would literally never hit a child. In anyway, ever.

That’s absolutely something that should remain in the past.

Hahaha, let’s see how you will fare on once you actually have a child 😄

Hi Op, I somewhat agree.

I am a mum and up until my son was about 14, I was very strict and had extremely high expectations of his behaviour. One look from me said a thousand words and he was impeccably behaved. We also showered him with love and cuddles and even now he’s still very cuddly.

I did relax as he got older and it did become more challenging despite his strict upbringing, but he still is a good boy and I’m proud of him. He’s never shown me up. Never come home drunk. Never been out late clubbing or left me worrying about him. And he’s nearly 20 now, off to Uni and has built himself a successful YouTube channel where he even gets freebies and pay, for reviewing tech. I’m very proud.

But I only had one, and raising him was exhausting because of my exacting standards. I’m not sure I could have maintained it with two. I read with him daily, did his homework with him, took him to activities and clubs. I will say, I never told him to leave me alone for an hour, but then I didn’t need to, as he would happily play alone anyway.

He would never have run around someone’s home, climbed on furniture, yelled in public or behaved in a manner that suggested he was the one in control.

Perhaps this is why I never had two. I worked full time as well, I think you’ll soon find out it’s all easier said than done.

But that said, I do see an awful lot of relaxed parenting, especially working in education. Parents who don’t discipline their children, often don’t even want to know about them. Parents who will defend their child to the end, when they’ve just called a member of staff the c word and thrown a bottle of milkshake at the deputy head. I’m not sure why, but I just think to myself, well, they’re only our problem for a short time and you have to put up with this.

I’ve known many children who are now adults in prison. So very sad. For anything from drugs, to violence, attempted murder and murder. They had parents who often said ‘what am I supposed to do’.

Stick to your guns op. But be involved. Give lots of love. Give time and attention. Don’t send them away to play. Have high expectations. Have clear sanctions and never let them off. Ensure there are always consequences. Know where they are at all times. Know who their friends are. Don’t be their friend but be who they can trust. Be honest. It’s the hardest job you’ll ever have to do.

‘What's wrong with saying NO, or ""keep quiet" or " you eat whats available or "you go and play alone while mommy reads a book for 1 h". ‘

Have you met a child

I haven't RTFT, but I wonder if it's the fact that hitting is now illegal. Don't get me wrong, I think that this is a good thing. However, it kept a lot of children in line. I was well behaved as a child in large part because I knew what behaviour was and wasn't acceptable and knew that I'd be smacked if I misbehaved. If I misbehaved in public, I'd be pinched which kept me from escalating my behaviour. It wasnt right, but parents don't have such a blunt tool anymore.

"Have a cup of tea my love!"

Jokes aside, it's depressing how there's so much miserlyness and faux-nostalgia in the UK in 2024.. from crab-in-bucket mentality to "bwing back corporal punishment, that'll teach em younguns a fing or two".

I think you are failing to consider the impact of COVID on some age groups here. Hard to learn how to be alone/ play alone/ not with parents and family if you were stuck at home.

But also, I don't really recognise this lack of parents knowing how to parent. I believe you are using forum boas to inform your opinion. People come to forums when they need help/ are unsure. Those who are not struggling/ feel they know what to do don't tend to post on MN asking for aid.

I thought you were going to be someone of retirement age until I read that bit about you're just about to become a mum. Whilst I agree to an extent that some people definitely overdo the whole gentle parenting idea I think that you will find your expectations and standards will lower incredibly fast once your little one hits the two/3 mark you may be lucky and get one of those ones who actually listen when you try to discipline amd then do as they are told, keeping everything crossed for you as you may also get a ferrel wilderbeast who beats to their own drum and can't hear your discipline over their innate desire to keep climbing up the banisters the wrong way or keep singing that same nursery rhyme loud and out of tune for the hundredth time. When you see a child having a hissy fit in the supermarket and it seems the mum is just stood there watching maybe, just maybe they know how best to deal with their child in that moment. I do agree on the whole dirty feet on seats and general politeness though.