To think parents nowadays are just weak

[Alberta56]

Not sure is it just me but I feel like most parents are just soft and incapabble to discipline their own kids. I constantly see topics here and not only about small kids doing what they want - screaming, tantrums, wanting stuff and parents are just so helpless. When I go on the tube kids screaming putting their dirty feet on the seats. At home kids not wanting to eat and parents act like they own a restaurant immediately cooking something else. What's wrong with saying NO, or ""keep quiet" or " you eat whats available or "you go and play alone while mommy reads a book for 1 h". Why are parents constantly trying to keep kids entertained and spend a fortune on stupid activities. Worst thing is that I see young colleagues 18/ 19 years old coming to work and are just incapable of being a human - constantly late, all the time have to think about their feelings and emotions can't even complain to HR when they're not doing their job properly....I just don't get it really. I'm about to be a mom myself and if I need i will discipline my kid with firm approach non of that " let them express themselves" cr@p.

Yep, very good point actually! The blame can’t be placed solely on our generation.

Some of what you refer to I believe from past generations is from very strict and conservative parenting styles which hasn’t necessarily benefited those children as adults (hello mental health crisis).

My parents were really strict. There was no messing! I am a happy and resilient adult with a successful career, happy marriage, zero mental health issues.....

I actually think a hell of a lot of mental health in young people, particularly anxiety, stems from a lack of rules & boundaries. Rules and boundaries keep you safe, a sense that parents, who should be taking responsibility for you, are not in control & you don't have rhar support. I think another contributing factor is choice fatigue. Its exhausting always having to choose.

And they don't eat the salmon, quinoa and five types of veg you've lovingly put together... But the sausages chips and beans served at harvester is demolished in seconds....

Why is it lazy to encourage your kids to entertain themselves?

I think most parents just try their best. Some days will be better than others.

Let’s be supportive and encouraging. If you have constructive advice that you think will help and not make parents feel like rubbish, offer it.

I absolutely will cook something else if my almost three year old doesn't eat first option
Sorry if that makes me soft but I'd never have my child go hungry

I used to honestly think "I'll tell my kids how to behave. They'll be so well brought up that they won't tantrum. They won't need to. We'll have such an amazing bond that I'll.just be able to calmly reason with them.

4 kids down I can tell you, I was a fucking idiot who know nothing. You can't realistically imagine how to parent. It doesn't work like that.

I've done my best and they're good kids/teens now but have I done some "lazy" parenting to get here? Yes, because if I didn't I'd have ended up in some kind of institution due to extreme stress/breakdowns.

I also think this post is unfair if it's a reaction to posts where parents are clearly struggling a lot. Not helpful at all.

Generally I agree.
The mess people Leave in coffee shops or restaurants where they have allowed their children to play around with food. Same on aeroplanes.
No consideration for anyone else sharing the space.
No quality time reading or talking to children. Over reliance on screens.
Don't get me started on young adults who are not independent or responsible and somehow you have to train them in life skills at work.

I think independence and self reliance is grossly undervalued by most parents.

I know this is bait but whatever. We can tell how your generation were raised. It’s very obvious and exactly why the next generation has tried to do the complete opposite. May not be the answer but how the previous generation were raised was certainly ‘not it’ in what we want to see when our children become adults. Hope that helps.

🤣🤣🤣 I thought you were going to say they'd done something genuinely awful.

Not all houses have a shoes off rule, so if you want guests to remove their shoes you need to ask. Also, cookie crumbs are the most benign of mess. The parents gave them cookies to try buy a few extra minutes of conversation with you, and chose something that wouldn't stain or be greasy.

Your expectations seem way off. Mine are 6 and 4, and yes I could read a book for a hour - when they're in bed or being looked after by someone else. No, they wouldn't leave me to sit quietly and read while they play, and given the limited time we have together I wouldn't expect them to. And mine are very well behaved, play mostly nicely together and are good at occupying themselves.

I'm the first to slag off ineffective gentle parenting, but you're in for a land. Bookmark this thread and stick a link in your calendar to reread in three years time.

“let the express themselves crap”

god forbid children should be allowed to express themselves 🙄

YABU. I don’t recognise this at all. By your example, I was only saying the other day to my DP how all the children and young people who come to my house (mostly my own children’s friends but also friends’ children) ALL take off their shoes. It’s the older generations that wouldn’t dream of removing their shoes in someone’s house!

Yes there will always be shit parents but you sound like you’re from the school of ‘children should be seen and not heard’.

I absolutely will cook something else if my almost three year old doesn't eat first option
Sorry if that makes me soft but I'd never have my child go hungry

How will they go hungry if you've provided food? If they aren't eating it, they're making a choice that they aren't hungry enough.

Oh god this !!

I was like you up kind op, I wouldn't do this, do that etc.
Trust me, you'll be doing anything for abit of peace in a couple of years, oh toddlers are just lovely !!

Or that the food is rotten and they don't like it!? Do you eat food you don't like? Being forcefed food as a child has honestly left me traumatised and took me years to develop a normal-ish relationship with food!

Beth216 · Today 19:24

*I feel sorry for your kid already, I really hope they don't have any SEN.

You sound like a right miserable cow of a mother. Why are you even bothering?Did you have a shit childhood too?*

That's a vile comment.

Agreed. Full is the point, I’m not really bothered how we get there. There’s no way I’d have an unfed child because I wanted to make a point.

Totally agree. Used be horrified at how friends let their kids talk to them. I used to be told his “lucky” I was that mine were well behaved and never rude to us 🙄.

I do sometimes. Usually I explain etc etc etc but there isn't always time for that and I expect my kids to do as they're told.

Not to mention the side effects of a hungry child are horrendous..... 😅

Completely agree. I do have 4 kids, all late teens and adults now and am often gobsmacked how people react when their kids are being little toads.

People say it's easier to criticise when you don't have children, but I do, and you are not wrong. Parents are as wet as anything, and produce some really unpleasant beings that no-one else wants to be around.

So many children have zero boundaries these days and run around wild.
I was in tesco one day and a little boy ran hard into my trolley three times while I was shopping. On the third occasion I shot the mum a look and she reined him in a bit - it was as much to stop the boy from getting hurt as well as to give me a break to do my shop.
I love kids. Really I do. But for goodness sake I'm not here to deal with their antics so you don't have to when I'm getting in a weekly shop after a long day at work.

This.

I completely agree with you op just for the record but wow it’s so easy to say when you don’t have kids. I said I would never allow screen time in restaurants and most of the time I stick to that but god when your toddler is whining and refusing to sit down sometimes it’s needs must so you can eat.

I notice that most of the people who agree with OP also don’t have DC