To think parents nowadays are just weak

[Alberta56]

Not sure is it just me but I feel like most parents are just soft and incapabble to discipline their own kids. I constantly see topics here and not only about small kids doing what they want - screaming, tantrums, wanting stuff and parents are just so helpless. When I go on the tube kids screaming putting their dirty feet on the seats. At home kids not wanting to eat and parents act like they own a restaurant immediately cooking something else. What's wrong with saying NO, or ""keep quiet" or " you eat whats available or "you go and play alone while mommy reads a book for 1 h". Why are parents constantly trying to keep kids entertained and spend a fortune on stupid activities. Worst thing is that I see young colleagues 18/ 19 years old coming to work and are just incapable of being a human - constantly late, all the time have to think about their feelings and emotions can't even complain to HR when they're not doing their job properly....I just don't get it really. I'm about to be a mom myself and if I need i will discipline my kid with firm approach non of that " let them express themselves" cr@p.

I'll be interested to hear your views 5 years after being a mum.

Totally agree.
We told ours that they had to learn to be bored. Great life lesson because life isn’t just one long activity session.

My daughter has adhd and autism. I can still teach her right from wrong and tell her no. Yes she struggles more with certain things and allowances are made for that, it doesn't mean she never learns any discipline or responsibility or she will never cope without me or grow into a nice person. Maybe if you said no more you would be less exhausted?!

I agree to an extent that many children aren’t parented, in fact it sometimes seems like the children are parenting the parents. I also think that a lot of parents use SEN as an excuse not to even attempt to discipline their children. I have an adult child with autism, and of course we faced all the usual challenges, meltdowns, sleepless nights for years, etc but a child with SEN needs more parenting than an NT child, not less. I see so many parents now let their DCs run amok and ignore them and blame their ADHD/ASD.

It fries my head that everything is so child-centric. I have a single friend who defers every decision to her 11 year old son. He even chooses her clothes and chose the house they moved to! It’s insane, and I do worry that he’ll grow up to be a little dictator.

But I do think that mothers are under far more pressure than we ever were. They’re made to feel like they’re failing if their children aren’t doing an activity every day after school, and aren’t having a big day out every weekend. I even think it’s weird when you hear about nurseries sending parents daily updates and pictures etc. It’s just as though your child must be at the forefront of your mind every waking second of every day. It’s so unhealthy. When do they get any headspace? I’m so grateful that I had mine when I did or I’d probably be sectioned. I really do take my hat off to today’s Mums.

Not really. We are not child entertainers. No one would have blinked at ‘no’ a while back. I wouldn’t make second dinner for a fussy child- we ate what DD was happy to eat so not a problem. There were a couple of little boys racing around the aisles in Lidl yesterday. Wouldn’t it be nice if they were walking sensibly beside mum?

😂I do think routine, fairness, and not bitching about other people or being a bitch works. And if all else fails, just let them go to their rooms until they calm down.

I was brought up like this, we were expected to be out of the way at all times. Mum never did anything with us. Never played, never entertained, just sat us in front of the TV.

I think it affected me a lot, I'm always desperate to do fun things with people 24/7, and make everything fun/play because I was so deprived of it. I never really grew up, I don't want kids of my own (late 30s) because it would be too much competition for my inner child.

I have created the life I wanted, and my friends' kids love to come and play because I'm the same level and always love playing no matter what's involved - water guns, making bracelets, roaring like dinosaurs, playing board games and video games, going to soft play or a farm - but I also feel very peter pan ish.

I'm in my 50's and completely agree. Have also worked in a small convenience store on a council estate near a school and the things I've seen makes you loose all hope for future generations.

Because it’s harder now. The end.

I think all very well to say you are you going to discipline your hypothetical children the hard way, but once you have kids and crack out that cat of nine tails in the supermarket I reckon you will feel enough stares to come off your high horse pretty quick! I was also a bit like that before having kids - "how come the parents let their kid watch cartoons in the restaurant" or "why can't they just stop the kid from screaming? I'm on the plane and trying to sleep". But once you are in the situation yourself you may realise the slow restaurant service that has taken you past bedtime may necessitate the cartoon, or that there is NOTHING you can do to stop a baby with popping ears from screaming on the plane. So let's return to this topic once you have kids of your own!

Well done for doing the things other SEND parents obviously fail to do due to their fecklessness. You clearly are a superior sort of person.

@sunseaandsoundingoff That’s so sad. I was raised the same way, completely neglected. It was common for a lot of my friends too and it’s positive that we’ve moved away from neglect as the norm.

I loved playing with my DCs, and taking them out, and taking an interest in what they were learning at school, etc. But by the same token I’d put a video on for them while I made dinner or leave them to do some colouring in or play in the garden while I did some chores. Sometimes they’d complain they were bored and I say “Tough, I’ve just got to do this first”. These days, Mums are expected to keep them occupied all the time, and never ever let them get bored.

I’d say to my DCs “You don’t know what bored is. At your age I’d be watching an Open University programme on quantum physics because it was the only thing on the TV!” I think a little bit of boredom does them good. Children now are hyper stimulated. We need to find a happy medium.

You are so right to blame the parents of disabled children. They truly are the scourge of modern society. Bleating on about cognitive delays and neurodevelopmental disorders when we all know if only they gave their offspring a stiff talking to they could be normal just like us. The feckless wasters.

I’ve got 2 kids who are well disciplined and polite. They’re 10 and 6 and I remind them to behave before we go out places like restaurants etc. the key is in consistency and giving kids the space to be kids but also letting them know that you have clear expectations for them. I also believe in following through with age appropriate and swift punishment if they step out of line.

My pet peeve is children who constantly interrupt adults when they’re talking. If I bump into someone when I’m with the kids I expect them to be able to stand and behave for 5 min while I chat. I don’t expect to be interrupted either by them trying to get my attention or by poor behaviour. They’ve learned (sometimes
the hard way) that I won’t tolerate it and they can stand still and quiet for 5 min.

thankfully the discipline has worked so far with them and I’m told by teachers etc that they’re lovely boys who know how to behave.

I’m not blaming all SEN parents, I was talking SPECIFICALLY about the parents who don’t attempt to parent and use their DC’s conditions as an excuse. I recently went to a show with a friend who has a 7 year old DS with ADHD. He ran round jumping off chairs, and kept running out into the lobby and was repeatedly karate kicking the huge glass window across the front of the theatre. I asked her if she was going to get up and go and get him and she said “No. He can’t help it, it’s his ADHD”. That is shit parenting.

I know what it’s like to be on the receiving end of the dirty looks, but the difference was that I would try to calm my child, or remove them, or god forbid even avoid situations where possible that he would find overwhelming. I didn’t just leave him to it and ignore him and carry on with my business.

I am going to sound like an old fogey now - but to be honest I am 67 so probably am. ..

I think the main issue is that people forget to prioritise their relationship when they have kids . Also many people have children with people they hardly know..

Marriage is not the best all end all but it's a landmark. A place where both parties feel ready to commit to each other h other ..

The relatively new civil partnership (if you have issues with actual marriage) should be the staging point for children.

If your other half is not prepared to commit to you in a legal contract - then s/he will not be there for the long haul. It is an issue of basic respect . Doesn't respect you enough for serious financial commitment ? Then not a good bet .

After this is done - then spend time on your relationship after children. The kids are not made better or easier by channeling EVERYTHING in to them.. they are made better and easier with firm foundations and with that you will not have guilt in imposing boundaries.

I agree. The OP hasn’t had her baby yet so I don’t think she can’t be sure what sort of parent she will be … I didn’t know what sort of parent I would be until I became one. I watched my friends parent for many years - I came to the game pretty late so luckily had the chance to work on myself and I think that helps. I’m not sure I agree with her saying some parents are ‘weak’. I don’t believe it’s weakness, I think often it’s tiredness, lack of support, lack of parenting knowledge (I’ve taken a lot of courses and read an awful lot of books 😂) because I didn’t & still don’t have all the answers …

I do think the OP is being naive but it scares me how utterly useless the school leaver new starts at my workplace are. They've had activities with Mum every day of their lives but haven't been taught any real basic life skills and have no respect for basic rules e.g dressing smartish for work, turning up on time, not talking over people, listening to others, not calling in sick with a sniffle, not playing on phone every 2 minutes etc.

They have absolutely no initiative even after 2 years working they just sit there like baby birds waiting for Mum to sort them out. As a manager most of my day is spent helicopter parenting junior staff that can't be arsed to even try and use their own brain. It was not like this 10/15 years ago, something has definitely changed.

I have no idea how the current younger ones are ever going to be our surgeons, police officers, financial advisors, accoutants, nurses or politicians of the future.

Have to agree

I tend to agree but… I think it is harder for parents now. Majority of families have both parents working full time, and gone are the days you could kick your DC into the street to explore, play, generally be bored. It means parents are either working or ferrying DC around to clubs and parks trying to keep them entertained, it’s exhausting. Throw in iPads and it’s a recipe for disaster, no wonder so many young adults expect to have their hand held constantly.

Something has got to give, and unfortunately a lot of the time discipline is the first to go.

To add, a lot of grandparents are also still working full time, which reduces the ‘village’ required to raise children.

I remember as a 70s dc being terrified of my friends dad who was so strict

My dps were more laid back.

This is what I don't understand. Keep hearing about people having kids much later these days so surely in that case is more likely ( not less) that grandparents would be retired

But did grandparents ever actually help? My parents and in laws aren’t around to help us so we don’t have any sort of village, but my grandparents never looked after us kids and my dad told me his didn’t either. I didn’t think grandparents of older generations actually did look after the kids to be honest, maybe we’ve just been unlucky

I LOVE that you're accusing people of a 'patronising tone'.

Pot, meet kettle.