To think parents nowadays are just weak

[Alberta56]

Not sure is it just me but I feel like most parents are just soft and incapabble to discipline their own kids. I constantly see topics here and not only about small kids doing what they want - screaming, tantrums, wanting stuff and parents are just so helpless. When I go on the tube kids screaming putting their dirty feet on the seats. At home kids not wanting to eat and parents act like they own a restaurant immediately cooking something else. What's wrong with saying NO, or ""keep quiet" or " you eat whats available or "you go and play alone while mommy reads a book for 1 h". Why are parents constantly trying to keep kids entertained and spend a fortune on stupid activities. Worst thing is that I see young colleagues 18/ 19 years old coming to work and are just incapable of being a human - constantly late, all the time have to think about their feelings and emotions can't even complain to HR when they're not doing their job properly....I just don't get it really. I'm about to be a mom myself and if I need i will discipline my kid with firm approach non of that " let them express themselves" cr@p.

And where on earth are those crime statistics coming from??
No I'm not a snowflake parent.
Id love to know what prompted such an incredible statement.

One family I was working with recently told me they had confiscated the mobile of their 12 year old... Said the 12 year old "kicked off" so much that they "had to give it back". Seriously. No wonder the parents were struggling so much... No boundaries or meaningful discipline were in place.

The current wisdom is to ‘partner’ not ‘parent’. This may be sound re: SEN or children with poor mental health but otherwise?

Neurotypical children have ‘meltdowns’ too.
My neurodiverse child doesn’t.
You can still parent a neurodiverse child.

Come back when you've actually got kids lovely
So many posts saying the same in such a patronising tone!

I agreed with OP before I had children, agreed whilst raising them up, completely on my own, working FT, and still agree 100% now they are young adults. Both have said that they also intend to raise their own children with the same principles.

It's called 'respecting others and learning that they are not the centre of the world'. The way young people nowadays take everything personally, make everything others do or say about them in a victimised way, and are incapable of considering that people come with different views, opinions, perspectives, is astonishing.

What shocks me the most is parents letting their kids screaming and screeching in public places. It is so unpleasant to hear for others, but clearly have no care at all how it impacts others, as long as they are ok.

I'm so glad I stuck to my principles raising my kids and it is really rewarding when they tell me they think I did a brilliant job.

@SnappyGoldDuck yes, ‘authoritative’ - good - I wish I had been more so & ‘authoritarian’ bad - ‘spare the rod & spoil the child’.

On the contrary, these threads seem to bring out authoritarian personalities calling for strict and oppressive methods, when the evidence base shows that this sort of parenting in fact the most likely to increase child behavioural problems, including child aggression and child depression and anxiety.

The same types are full of lurid tales of society spiralling out of control for lack of discipline, when, in terms of long terms trends, children are safer and levels of violence are reduced.

OP, there is an evidence base. You have time to familiarise yourself.

@Chasqui authoritative parenting is the gold standard as boundaries are set & clear & children learn to self regulate - fantastic.

Authoritarian parenting, whose advocating for that on this thread? No one.

I can't say as I ever really notice other parents or their parenting these days and certanly didn't until I had kids myself. Only really noticed when the kids were little, but thought most people were ok and doing their best.

I agree with you in principal and it's my goal to parent authoritatively, but I've got two toddlers and some days.....you just run out of energy.

I work really hard at getting them to play independently though. Crucial development for them, crucial for my sanity.

Plenty of other posters.

And you need to be careful with authoritative as the gold standard - it is historically and culturally specific. Take the evidence base on Italian parenting styles for instance.

I'm about to be a mom myself

Thought so. Come back in five years time and let us know how it’s going.

I don’t actually disagree with you but it depends on their age.
I firmly believe that the first 3-5 years needs a different approach to each year after. You can shout at a three year old and tell them to play alone. They’re too young, they need lots of care and affection and love then they’re babies and toddlers. Once they get passed that age, then I think you need to be firmer with them because they understand more and you’ve already built the solid foundation that they can trust you etc

When you dont have kids, youre the perfect parent. My kids will never be naughty/spoilt/eat McDonalds/sit in a restaurant watching an ipad blah blah blah. Unless you are a parent and especially if you have a child with SEN, how can you comment on here about these issues.

Some children are good at entertaining themselves, some aren’t. They’re all different, who knew?

And it goes without saying that disabled children can need individualised strategies that look quite different to the strategies suggested for developmentally typical children.

@Chasqui there’s good evidence authoritative parenting is sound, even ideal re: outcomes. Whose shouting spare rod & spoil child etc re: authoritarians on thread?

I have DC and I agree OP. Just take a look at the recent thread with the nearly teenage boy waking his mum up at night and even getting into bed with his sister and using his parents to 'stroke' for comfort, walking the whole house up, due to 'anxiety' but he funnily managed to sleep soundly when the house had head lice.

I do agree with pick your battles. But there's a difference with rolling over and not asserting any boundaries, and picking your battles.

I think that these days too much revolves around children. Days out are centred on what they want, not ever what the adults might enjoy. TV is dominated by what the kids want to watch, they can’t go anywhere without anything to entertain them because boredom is a huge crime. I remember being taken to visit relatives when I was young and there was nothing kid friendly to keep you occupied so you had to make do!
‘Getting on a kids level’ and calmly explaining why things can’t or can be done in a certain way isn’t always helpful IMO, especially when they’re older.

Who’s level do you think we should be on then? Ours, as in an adults?

Kids aren’t adults, developmentally or any other way. You cannot expect them, particularly when they’re young, to meet you on a level they don’t yet understand.

Thought so. Come back in five years time and let us know how it’s going
Probably much better than all the mners moaning here about how others dare to consider their kids annoying and rude, or who those who are helpless dealing with unruly demanding teenagers.

Kids aren’t adults, developmentally or any other way. You cannot expect them, particularly when they’re young, to meet you on a level they don’t yet understand
You explain it at the level they can understand but don't give them the chance to argue back. I'm amazed at kids who are allowed to challenge everything they don't want to hear and parents spend hours defending their decisions. Explain once clearly. YES. Justify your decisions NO.

So do you also believe that we should be creating adults who don’t challenge things?

Of course there’s a line, but I personally wouldn’t want my kids to be “sheep” later in life, having some critical thought and ability to express it is also a good thing.

So do you also believe that we should be creating adults who don’t challenge things?
Totally different to expect young kids to do what you ask them to and gradually starting to involve teenagers in decisions making.

I was expecting to do as I was asked (which was perfectly reasonable but often not what I wanted to do, such as chores), but it certainly didn't turn me into a sheep! I'm a pretty good debater. I still respect rules and don't feel that me not liking them justifies finding reasons why they are wrong.