To think parents nowadays are just weak

[Alberta56]

Not sure is it just me but I feel like most parents are just soft and incapabble to discipline their own kids. I constantly see topics here and not only about small kids doing what they want - screaming, tantrums, wanting stuff and parents are just so helpless. When I go on the tube kids screaming putting their dirty feet on the seats. At home kids not wanting to eat and parents act like they own a restaurant immediately cooking something else. What's wrong with saying NO, or ""keep quiet" or " you eat whats available or "you go and play alone while mommy reads a book for 1 h". Why are parents constantly trying to keep kids entertained and spend a fortune on stupid activities. Worst thing is that I see young colleagues 18/ 19 years old coming to work and are just incapable of being a human - constantly late, all the time have to think about their feelings and emotions can't even complain to HR when they're not doing their job properly....I just don't get it really. I'm about to be a mom myself and if I need i will discipline my kid with firm approach non of that " let them express themselves" cr@p.

Used to work in a school and the lack of control some parents have is shocking.

Nope

I was just wondering if I sounded like this pre child 😂

I agree with you. But I sometimes an guilty of being a weak parent, my mum would never have let me get away with what my kids do, but then my mum was a full time mum, I have to work full time in a stressful job, I'm doing double - cost of living in so high now mums have to work and many full time to pat the bill, I'd love to have a little part time job a few hours a week or something but I can't, like most parents I'm just trying to do my best, but I'm totally exhausted most of the time

You're spot on OP! I worry about this next generation, they want everything done for them and take no responsibility for their actions. I watched my niece the other day sit in the hallway demand her mother fetch her shoes from the other room, well she didn't even need to demand, my SIL was already running around behind her.

I too have seen children beating their parents.

Starts off as a toddler doing a loose overarm 'slap' at the parent, and escalates.

Who is the parent?!

😆👏

It is actually unfair on the children themselves to be so spoiled and unpopular.

YANBU but a lot of people don't want to hear it.

I was a teenage mum, lone parent. I was always conscious from the beginning that I'd get judged far more harshly than a middle class couple in their 30s if my DS ran riot.

I've always stood firm over the years and I've managed it, even with a full time job, doing everything on my own and not being much more than a child myself.

DS respects me and our home. Never had any problems at school with him.

Yep! 👏🏼

I think that today's parenting is a result of better understanding of baby/toddler/child/adolescent brain development but confusing gentle parenting with permissive parenting.

There is a big difference. I think gentle parenting means understanding how your child views the world and why they have done something 'naughty', but they still need boundaries and age-appropriate discipline.

Many parents are exhausted. Sometimes it's just easier to let them kick feet on a train than deal with the 12th tantrum of the day. Sometimes parents dont notice how messy children actually are once they're in that constant cycle of having something to clear up. A few crumbs on the floor is nothing, your friend genuinely may not have noticed.

Some children are just harder work than others, not matter what the parent does. Usually both have to work, parent, and do housework. Grandparents who may have helped with childcare are also still working.

I’d like someone with that attitude absolutely nowhere near my SENd child, nevermind raising it, thanks.

Sorry, I don’t understand.

It really is, but you'll find the parents are too busy complaining that everyone is mean to them and the children, without ever thinking they may be the problem.

Dont worry, I’ll tell my children off whenever and wherever. Firm but fair. Boundaries are important! When I told them off at Disneyland recently, everyone looked so gob smacked 😂

If I didn't have any interest in becoming a parent, I wouldn't waste any of my precious time lecturing parents on a website for parents about parenting.

You seem to be judging parents of children who have ended up in prison. Please excuse me if I misunderstood

chimneys were a bit of a cop out compared to the mines. Bring back the mines!

I agree with you, OP. A lot of parents seem really unwilling to manage their children.

Last weekend, DD and I were at a science show for primary school-aged children and their parents. Some of the DC were sitting nicely and watching, but a significant number were roaming around the room and crowding about the display table. It being a science show, there were things there that these children should not have been allowed to get too close to - Bunsen burners, caustic substances and the like. The scientist repeatedly paused the show, asking the children to move away and return to their seats, but they were ignoring him and their parents didn't seem to notice. In the end, a more assertive mother who was sitting watching with her own DC got up and told the unruly kids very firmly in a teacher voice to sit down, which they did. She had to do this more than once though. The kids' own parents were utterly useless!

I did wonder who they would have blamed if any of their little darlings had spilt lye on themselves or their combustible clothing had gone up in flames as they jostled around the table.

Ah, I see.

In the cases of the children that I knew, who went on to end up in prison as adults, my firsthand experience of their parents, was that they were disinterested…and that when approached by school staff for support regarding behaviour at the age of say 11, 12 or 13, the common responses were ‘what am I supposed to do?’ or ‘he’s your problem in school’.

They either tended to be overly friendly with their children to the point of their children ruling the roost, or alternatively had long relinquished their role as parent and it was just less hassle to turn a blind eye to all negative behaviour. They’d rather pick their battle with the school than their own child.

I haven’t had a single child end up in prison, where parents were engaged or at least tried to put in place boundaries. This in over 25 years of working in education. Sadly, I’ve never been surprised by who ended up in prison.

When you see parents failing a child because they are lazy, disengaged or have plainly given up, it’s hard not to judge. And when children have this sort of parent, it’s difficult for education staff to assert any authority, as it’s generally not supported by the parent because it creates difficulties for them.

I’m sure not every person who ends up in prison had rubbish parents, and not every child who has rubbish parents ends up in prison, but a lot do and in my line of work, I got to see those specifically and I suppose it has influenced my opinion.

There is a lot of permissive, gentle and lazy parenting. It's got worse in the last 5 years.

😂I think back to allllll the things I said pre child and the amazing parent I’d be and all the rules I’d put in place and how I secretly judged other parents.
It isn’t that simple…prepare yourself

I know you are not a mum yet, but I think you are right. I am a mum of 2 - my first is 12. I love her to bits! We are like best friends but also she knows when she has crossed the line because I don’t take s*it from her and I don’t allow her to be a horrible person to others either. I also listen to feedback - if she does something wrong and another parent reports it to me - I listen to both the parent and her side of the story but we have a good enough relationship whereby I either know she is lying (this was more so when she was younger) or she goes silent if she’s wrong or she will just tell me the truth and I will react accordingly.

Children these days are not so respectful. There are no boundaries. Some of my DDs friends talk to their mums like they are rubbish - in public! One friend was saying to her mum whilst we were on a day out “you just use dads money. Why don’t you have your own mum?” Just rude. Another was screaming at her mum for not agreeing to a sleepover. At 12! Yes I argued with my mum but in public, I was respectful.

yes I played with my daughter. We have a good time. But bed time is bed time. If I need a few minutes I will tell her to go and do something for an hour. Sometimes she has to tag along with me. If I ask her to wash the dishes, she will do it (yes she might banter for abit - but rules are rules). I’m the adult at the end of the day. I want to raise someone that is a positive citizen but that can also fend for herself - whilst being pleasant to be around.

discipline is not a negative. Children need it, I don’t believe in smacking or anything like that - but I know my daughter well enough to know that writing an essay or being away in her room for x amount of time or just seeing me disappointed are types of disciplining methods that have worked. Each parent should know what they child responds to. We also have rewards and constantly celebrate good things - even if it’s as small as starting school again or suggesting a day out.

I'm 21 with a 4 yr old and I can tell you now that she wouldn't dare to put her feet on the seats anywhere but at home, nor scream or tantrum (well, not anymore ) in public. She eats what she is given and her dad and I will refuse any substitutions. She also knows how to entertain herself. So far she's an all-round well behaved kid. Not certain about the coming years though...